You've been drowning in your pain (Topic 18)
It always comes back to Boone. If I had the presence of mind to do so I'd hate him for it. I'd hate him for the fact that everything always boils down to him. If I weren't stuck on some craphole island with him as my only tie to the outside world I probably would hate him. Because let's be honest? I've always hated him just a little bit. Probably more than a little bit but I'm done burning all of my bridges. Being here changed something for me and I'm not even sure what it is.
Sabrina took everything that should have been mine. She stole a life that I used to know, something I knew that my father wanted me to have and only shared it with my stepbrother. Not that it mattered because I knew that no matter what Boone would make sure I was taken care of. Financially and whatever other way I needed. But it wasn't enough. He wanted to take care of me because he was sure I couldn't take care of myself.
I guess in the end he was right. I couldn't. And that was the reason why I kept finding ways to play him. Use his own emotions for me against him as I swindled more and more money would of him. All of that time I could have just asked him for it. It would have been so easy and I know that he would have given it to me. It was stupid because in my quest to make him understand that I could take care of myself I only proved that I couldn't. Faked it if I had to. He thought he was saving me from one abusive relationship after the next but he was only feeding a lifestyle I wanted to maintain and all of those boyfriends he paid off were in on it.
It seemed like the best revenge. The problem was it wasn't Boone who deserved it, but Sabrina. Of course Sabrina could care less what I was up to or who I was dating. Lucky for me Boone cared more. I should have known that eventually it was bound to stop working. Eventually Boone would catch onto the game and it would hurt him more than anything else ever had. Maybe that was the point. Maybe I just wanted him to hurt the way I did.
I think I hurt him worse than he could have ever hurt me. And I did it over and over again to prove some retarded point that was never his fault to begin with. And when he finally caught onto the game I only made things worse by sleeping with him. I don't know why I did that. I guess it was just my way of saying sorry.
Sabrina took everything that should have been mine. She stole a life that I used to know, something I knew that my father wanted me to have and only shared it with my stepbrother. Not that it mattered because I knew that no matter what Boone would make sure I was taken care of. Financially and whatever other way I needed. But it wasn't enough. He wanted to take care of me because he was sure I couldn't take care of myself.
I guess in the end he was right. I couldn't. And that was the reason why I kept finding ways to play him. Use his own emotions for me against him as I swindled more and more money would of him. All of that time I could have just asked him for it. It would have been so easy and I know that he would have given it to me. It was stupid because in my quest to make him understand that I could take care of myself I only proved that I couldn't. Faked it if I had to. He thought he was saving me from one abusive relationship after the next but he was only feeding a lifestyle I wanted to maintain and all of those boyfriends he paid off were in on it.
It seemed like the best revenge. The problem was it wasn't Boone who deserved it, but Sabrina. Of course Sabrina could care less what I was up to or who I was dating. Lucky for me Boone cared more. I should have known that eventually it was bound to stop working. Eventually Boone would catch onto the game and it would hurt him more than anything else ever had. Maybe that was the point. Maybe I just wanted him to hurt the way I did.
I think I hurt him worse than he could have ever hurt me. And I did it over and over again to prove some retarded point that was never his fault to begin with. And when he finally caught onto the game I only made things worse by sleeping with him. I don't know why I did that. I guess it was just my way of saying sorry.