Alert, ladies and gentlemen of the marketing division!
As you may or may not recall, a few months ago my car started leaking. I discovered this when I ducked greatfully into my car after walking across campus in a rainstorm and went sploosh, only to discover that I did in fact have a leak in the car roof right over my crotch, which was neither comfortable nor easy to explain. I have called several auto body folks in the area, only to be told some version of needing my entire windshield replaced, which I found rather stupid and expensive given that it was, after all, just one leak, and, after all, not on my windshield. I have been easily remedying said leak by stuffing a sock in it and changing it every so often.
However, my little leak has now graduated to a huge leak, because after today's rainstorm, I opened my car door and found both seats, the steering wheel, and both doors absolutely sopping (giving new and less pleasant meaning to the term "car pool") My socks had failed me, as I retrieved them, dripping, from my roof, and splattered more rain on myself. OK.
Now, I don't know how guys solve their car leak problems. I am guessing it probably involves taking out tools and making frowny faces at the problem, illustrating to all passer-by that they are clearly competent men that know their way around both toolboxes and cars.
I can, however, tell you how women solve these problems. They merely dig in their purses for the biggest, thickest maxipad and stick it under the roof lining.
As I was doing this, it occurred to me that this, right here, was a possible gold mine of commercial opportunity. How many times have I flicked on the TV and seen women remarking about how one brand can absorb an entire test tube of clear blue liquid, while another leaks after only half as much? How many times have I seen a commercial of women remarking on how some new dri-weave still feels dry- really dry!- after absorbing an entire cup of water? How many times have I been bidden to "have a happy period" by some misquided advertiser?
Ladies and gentlemen of the sanitary pad marketing division: you are wasting your time with these commercials. I have never (and I repeat never) been excited about how much blue liquid a maxipad can hold. I have never been truly excited about the dryness of any dri-weave. I have never frolicked through a field in a white muslin gown, skipping and singing because Always pads have superior body-fit comfort. And I have certainly- CERTAINLY- never considered myself to have any sort of happy period.
Today's modern woman has no time for such trivial sanitary pad logistics. What today's woman wants to know is- which maxipad will hold off my car roof leak the longest before requiring a change? This is what today's modern woman wonders when she stands before the sanitary pad aisle. She does not want to smell flowery, have wings, or ponder what the devil "four wall protection" really is. Today's modern woman just wants to fix her car!
However, my little leak has now graduated to a huge leak, because after today's rainstorm, I opened my car door and found both seats, the steering wheel, and both doors absolutely sopping (giving new and less pleasant meaning to the term "car pool") My socks had failed me, as I retrieved them, dripping, from my roof, and splattered more rain on myself. OK.
Now, I don't know how guys solve their car leak problems. I am guessing it probably involves taking out tools and making frowny faces at the problem, illustrating to all passer-by that they are clearly competent men that know their way around both toolboxes and cars.
I can, however, tell you how women solve these problems. They merely dig in their purses for the biggest, thickest maxipad and stick it under the roof lining.
As I was doing this, it occurred to me that this, right here, was a possible gold mine of commercial opportunity. How many times have I flicked on the TV and seen women remarking about how one brand can absorb an entire test tube of clear blue liquid, while another leaks after only half as much? How many times have I seen a commercial of women remarking on how some new dri-weave still feels dry- really dry!- after absorbing an entire cup of water? How many times have I been bidden to "have a happy period" by some misquided advertiser?
Ladies and gentlemen of the sanitary pad marketing division: you are wasting your time with these commercials. I have never (and I repeat never) been excited about how much blue liquid a maxipad can hold. I have never been truly excited about the dryness of any dri-weave. I have never frolicked through a field in a white muslin gown, skipping and singing because Always pads have superior body-fit comfort. And I have certainly- CERTAINLY- never considered myself to have any sort of happy period.
Today's modern woman has no time for such trivial sanitary pad logistics. What today's woman wants to know is- which maxipad will hold off my car roof leak the longest before requiring a change? This is what today's modern woman wonders when she stands before the sanitary pad aisle. She does not want to smell flowery, have wings, or ponder what the devil "four wall protection" really is. Today's modern woman just wants to fix her car!