right so I'm back. HAH
I have decided that my little heart belongs in California...specifically the Laguna area...man the beach was AMAZING...Brennan and I walked down into the tide pools....fucking crazy.
My father told me the Friday before easter that he tested positive for HIV. He doesn't want to approach medication, the side effects are all things he does not want to deal with. He wants to spend the rest of his days enjoying what he has, not loathing what he has become. His doctor has agreed to help him with pain management untill he decides that he has had enough. Because of this moving back to denver is obviously very important, I should be back within the year.
It would seem I am preparing to say goodbye and it is entirely too soon. I of course fully support his decision to not seek medical help, he has always said when it was his time he'd walk off into the desert and that would be it. I had known for awhile...he was so urgent to see me. From the moment I was adopted my father and I had always had a certain connection...like when you run into someone who you have known previous to this lifetime...there is a very subtle vibration that comes off of them. The research that I have done on HIV is lacking in regards to patients who opted against medical attention, the longest I have found is somewhere around ten years give or take a few on either side of that number. I will be 35 if the grace of god permits it to be so. I keep thinking about my friend Laura and how she lost her mother to cancer last year and for the first time I can understand the feeling of emptiness. In many ways I am gratefull to know that time is limited and things that I would have waited to say I will now and have said, on the other hand I hate knowing.
He had told my mom the night before we went to California to see his side of the family, she is worried probably a little bit angry...I don't know its so hard to say. I was elected to tell his younger brother Terry, but with the birthday party on sunday I didn't feel it was the right time, if there is such a thing, I told Sandy (my aunt) and asked her to tell Terry after we left...
I have so much hate for the person who gave it to him, and I know that it's absurd, I understand that it is as much my fathers fault as anyones, but I don't give a fuck...and to be perfectly honest I'm just as angry at him.
And then I realize how selfish I am being, and how frightened he must be, at the end of the day he is my daddy, and I love him.
My father told me the Friday before easter that he tested positive for HIV. He doesn't want to approach medication, the side effects are all things he does not want to deal with. He wants to spend the rest of his days enjoying what he has, not loathing what he has become. His doctor has agreed to help him with pain management untill he decides that he has had enough. Because of this moving back to denver is obviously very important, I should be back within the year.
It would seem I am preparing to say goodbye and it is entirely too soon. I of course fully support his decision to not seek medical help, he has always said when it was his time he'd walk off into the desert and that would be it. I had known for awhile...he was so urgent to see me. From the moment I was adopted my father and I had always had a certain connection...like when you run into someone who you have known previous to this lifetime...there is a very subtle vibration that comes off of them. The research that I have done on HIV is lacking in regards to patients who opted against medical attention, the longest I have found is somewhere around ten years give or take a few on either side of that number. I will be 35 if the grace of god permits it to be so. I keep thinking about my friend Laura and how she lost her mother to cancer last year and for the first time I can understand the feeling of emptiness. In many ways I am gratefull to know that time is limited and things that I would have waited to say I will now and have said, on the other hand I hate knowing.
He had told my mom the night before we went to California to see his side of the family, she is worried probably a little bit angry...I don't know its so hard to say. I was elected to tell his younger brother Terry, but with the birthday party on sunday I didn't feel it was the right time, if there is such a thing, I told Sandy (my aunt) and asked her to tell Terry after we left...
I have so much hate for the person who gave it to him, and I know that it's absurd, I understand that it is as much my fathers fault as anyones, but I don't give a fuck...and to be perfectly honest I'm just as angry at him.
And then I realize how selfish I am being, and how frightened he must be, at the end of the day he is my daddy, and I love him.