(no subject)
She always begged me for a CD or two of my music. I wonder if she ever even listened to them when she finally received them? Doubt it.
Yesterday, over the course of a couple of conversations with a couple of people and the time after each, I realized I'm genuinely far more evil than most people ever realized or even I realized. I usually come across as so light and understanding and helpful and patient. I think many are fortunate I supress my thoughts and don't act on them because I'd be a dreadful force. Over the years, some have caught a glimpse of it and told me I..... 'worry' them somewhat. I had a 260lb musclebound weightlifter tell me he'd never dare wrong me or upset me because he'd be scared for his life. I had a friend who physically hurt me once tell me he'd never piss me off like that again after he saw my reaction to it. I had a group of people on a ski hill backing away from me like they were expecting an actual bomb to explode where I was standing and had friends later say my eyes at that moment scared the crap out of them. Those who have just met me and just see me as a quiet, nice, weak guy laugh at the thought. I'm good at controlling it. I've never lashed out or acted out on anyone. Anyone. I just think it. I hold it back. I channel it into something else that's a healthier outlet. I find a hobby. I write. I read. I play guitar. If anyone thinks they've ever seen me lose my temper and get angry, they haven't. There's an inhuman, volcanic maelstrom in there somewhere. God help the person who somehow pushes it to the surface someday.
Yesterday, over the course of a couple of conversations with a couple of people and the time after each, I realized I'm genuinely far more evil than most people ever realized or even I realized. I usually come across as so light and understanding and helpful and patient. I think many are fortunate I supress my thoughts and don't act on them because I'd be a dreadful force. Over the years, some have caught a glimpse of it and told me I..... 'worry' them somewhat. I had a 260lb musclebound weightlifter tell me he'd never dare wrong me or upset me because he'd be scared for his life. I had a friend who physically hurt me once tell me he'd never piss me off like that again after he saw my reaction to it. I had a group of people on a ski hill backing away from me like they were expecting an actual bomb to explode where I was standing and had friends later say my eyes at that moment scared the crap out of them. Those who have just met me and just see me as a quiet, nice, weak guy laugh at the thought. I'm good at controlling it. I've never lashed out or acted out on anyone. Anyone. I just think it. I hold it back. I channel it into something else that's a healthier outlet. I find a hobby. I write. I read. I play guitar. If anyone thinks they've ever seen me lose my temper and get angry, they haven't. There's an inhuman, volcanic maelstrom in there somewhere. God help the person who somehow pushes it to the surface someday.