Confusion and An Aching Heart
Kay, so um... Here's my first entry, and it's going to be me ranting, so here goes.
I got a phone call today. From a guy I still like, and I believe I still care for him, otherwise the point I'm going to get to wouldn't have even mattered nor come about. His name I'm not going to disclose, but I've known him for years. Ever since we were kids in elementary school, and yes, we had the elementary school boyfriend girlfriend thing going on. We stopped seeing each other after the sixth grade, eventually I moved, and eventually yes, we grew apart because then we each had our own lives to handle.
I've cared deeply about him for basically forever. No, I don't think of him every second of everyday like some love struck... something, but every time I do think of him, or talk to him, I still blush like crazy and act all giddy and no guy can make me laugh, smile, or feel as good about myself as he does. I can't exactly describe how we interact, because I'd say he treats me like one of the guys, but it's still different from that. We're not as close as we used to be, and I miss that, but we still can talk to each other about anything. Whenever I have a problem, I know I can go to him and drone on for hours, and he won't care, and he'll give me advice and try to help me.
Back to my story, sorry, he called me today. He goes to college, and he's coming back this week, and he was talking about coming down to see me. I got so excited. I am so looking forward to see him, but here's my thing: I told him that my friends had wanted to meet him the last time he was down here, and I had said this after we were talking about relationships and how we were both single. He brought that subject up. Anyway, after I said this, we got into a discussion about who my friends were and yes, he had met them, but I had to jog his memory about which was which.
Now, he seemed excited and was saying how when he came down, I ought to call my friends up and have them hang out with us too. He seemed so excited, and my heart began to hurt. Cliche and cheesy yes, but it still hurt. I was feeling jealous, even though I knew I probably had no reason to be jealous. I won't deny it, I was hoping to have him all to myself that day, and so I asked him if he would be willing to come and see me twice, one day for just us, and one day to meet my friends if he wanted. He agreed to this, and I felt a little better.
My phone died by this time, so I had to go in search of another. When we got back on the phone, we continued talking as normal, but then the subject of my friend came up again. He even went on my myspace and was searching through my pictures for what my friends looked like. And once again, he mentioned wanting to friend her on there, and wanting to meet her.
So now I'm horribly confused and lost. Earlier when we were talking, we were playing around, talking dirty to each other (just playing around), and talking about our past together, and the whole thing ended with me being lost, confused, and feeling jealous and hurt because he suddenly wanted to meet my friends and friend them on myspace. I am just at a loss and am not sure how he even feels about me anymore, whether he's interested or if he's just wanting to be a friend. He sends me so many mixed signals that I feel like I'm constantly running in circles trying to figure out the way to go.
So here's my thing: Is anyone able to interpret this? Can anyone give me some advice? I don't want to lose my friendship with him, and I'm afraid if I tell him how I feel about him, that I just might lose our friendship. I just don't know if he is interested or not. I just don't know anymore.
I got a phone call today. From a guy I still like, and I believe I still care for him, otherwise the point I'm going to get to wouldn't have even mattered nor come about. His name I'm not going to disclose, but I've known him for years. Ever since we were kids in elementary school, and yes, we had the elementary school boyfriend girlfriend thing going on. We stopped seeing each other after the sixth grade, eventually I moved, and eventually yes, we grew apart because then we each had our own lives to handle.
I've cared deeply about him for basically forever. No, I don't think of him every second of everyday like some love struck... something, but every time I do think of him, or talk to him, I still blush like crazy and act all giddy and no guy can make me laugh, smile, or feel as good about myself as he does. I can't exactly describe how we interact, because I'd say he treats me like one of the guys, but it's still different from that. We're not as close as we used to be, and I miss that, but we still can talk to each other about anything. Whenever I have a problem, I know I can go to him and drone on for hours, and he won't care, and he'll give me advice and try to help me.
Back to my story, sorry, he called me today. He goes to college, and he's coming back this week, and he was talking about coming down to see me. I got so excited. I am so looking forward to see him, but here's my thing: I told him that my friends had wanted to meet him the last time he was down here, and I had said this after we were talking about relationships and how we were both single. He brought that subject up. Anyway, after I said this, we got into a discussion about who my friends were and yes, he had met them, but I had to jog his memory about which was which.
Now, he seemed excited and was saying how when he came down, I ought to call my friends up and have them hang out with us too. He seemed so excited, and my heart began to hurt. Cliche and cheesy yes, but it still hurt. I was feeling jealous, even though I knew I probably had no reason to be jealous. I won't deny it, I was hoping to have him all to myself that day, and so I asked him if he would be willing to come and see me twice, one day for just us, and one day to meet my friends if he wanted. He agreed to this, and I felt a little better.
My phone died by this time, so I had to go in search of another. When we got back on the phone, we continued talking as normal, but then the subject of my friend came up again. He even went on my myspace and was searching through my pictures for what my friends looked like. And once again, he mentioned wanting to friend her on there, and wanting to meet her.
So now I'm horribly confused and lost. Earlier when we were talking, we were playing around, talking dirty to each other (just playing around), and talking about our past together, and the whole thing ended with me being lost, confused, and feeling jealous and hurt because he suddenly wanted to meet my friends and friend them on myspace. I am just at a loss and am not sure how he even feels about me anymore, whether he's interested or if he's just wanting to be a friend. He sends me so many mixed signals that I feel like I'm constantly running in circles trying to figure out the way to go.
So here's my thing: Is anyone able to interpret this? Can anyone give me some advice? I don't want to lose my friendship with him, and I'm afraid if I tell him how I feel about him, that I just might lose our friendship. I just don't know if he is interested or not. I just don't know anymore.