When in your life did you know you were not alone?
Muse: Na'Toth
Fandom: Babylon 5
...Narn prisoner finished meditation which she did each time after woke up. Next item of her rigid daily routine was one more (hopeless, certainly) attempt to tear shackles by which she has been chained to a wall. Narn woman knew, that she is too weak to tear the fetters, but... at least... she had the purpose. Here, in eternal darkness, having lost sense of time, she desperately tried to keep mind.
"They have not managed to make of me a whining animal by means of tortures then,- she thought, pulling shackles on the right hand, - and I'll not deliver to them pleasure now."
The goal.
She should remember about her goal. She should survive, because she should revenge them for her destroyed world, for death of her father, for that they have made with her...
But it was the Great Purpose, an end result, the limit of her dreams.
Na'Toth jerked chain on her left hand, trying to not pay attention to a pain in wrist.
There were smaller purposes.
G'Kar. Na'Toth wanted to see him again. She did not know, whether is he alive, but she wished to see him again. But hardly ambassador would be glad to see the cowardly pity prisoner. If he still alive, if she will see him sometime, she would like he seen her strong and proud. Therefore she will not dare to relax, will not allow them to break her spirit.
Shackles tinkled, but did not give in.
Na'Toth heard a scratch of a door and steps of the guard, brought to her a disgusting swill which here referred to as food.
He put a cup on a floor, not coming nearer to Narn prisoner. Guard did so each time: came, put meal on a floor and left. He never talked with her, unless only he has shouted at her few times when she too zealously tried to tear her shackles.
Na'Toth grinned, looking at Centauri.
She would like that guard approached more close to reach him and to break his neck.
It was her tiny purpose. Her daily purpose.
To. Reach. Him. And.To. Break. His. Neck.
Today Na'Toth broken their mutual silence and for the first time started talking to him. She could not suffer this awful silence more.
"Are you afraid of me?" - she asked in Centauri language, feeling as Centauri words literally scratch her throat.
The guard shuddered, but kept silent.
She kicked the cup with meal and overturned it.
" You are afraid of me, differently you would not hold me in these shackles all time, " - she has told defiantly.
The guard picked up the cup and told passionlessly.
" Next feeding will be only tomorrow. If it will repeat, you will be punished. "
Na'Toth spat, hoping to get in him.
"I shiver from horror already. Hey, guy, you see, you are prisoner, too, only your shackles not are so visible as mine!"
He lost his coolness for an instant.
"Shut up! Captives are forbidden to talk to guards! One more word and I... "
She smiled looking to his eyes.
" And what? Will you punish me? What a valour! You are such brave men concerning the women chained in shackles! Remove from me these damned shackles, you, worm! "
His face was deformed with a spasm of anger, he made a step to her, and Na'Toth strained the muscles, ready to be thrown to him.
To reach him, to squeeze his neck and to break it with one easy movement...
She already felt his warm flesh under her fingers... heard a crunch of his backbone...
If only he approached even more close...
Guard stopped, having seen the ominous fire flaring in her red eyes. And he come round, stepped back.
Na'Toth was ready to howl from disappointment.
"You are the same prisoner as well as me, - she have told him with smirk.-You cannot run away, as well as me."
Guard directed to door.
" I obey my order, " - he told and slammed a door behind himself...
* * *
...she felt a growing panic. She lost the control over herself... And primitive instincts of self-preservation demanded from her of humiliating things.
Na'Toth sobbed in despair having pulled the chains. Her hands have been stained with blood, she scratched stones around of a steel ring in the wall to which she has been chained. But she was too weak.
" I do not want to die... - Narn woman croaked when strenght left her finally. - I do not want to die so... disgustingly. I always dreamed to die in fight with the mighty and dangerous opponent. I do not want to die in darkness, I do not want to die all for nothing... "
Na'Toth cried silently, laying prone on dirty floor.
Prisoner lost count of time and did not know, how many days passed since her Centauri guard came last time. She knew only, that he disappeared, and since then she slowly died starving and thirsting. She raved and saw terrible hallucinations recently.
It demented her.
And today Na'Toth not sustained and has burst out crying from her powerlessness.
She shuddered from sobbings and then lost consciousness from weakness...
... Someone shaked her, splashed on cheeks, forcing to open eyes.
When Na'Toth opened eyes she seen him.
" You are still alive...Thanks to Great Maker! " - he exhaled and tried to pour in to her any liquid from a flask...
Narn woman wanted turned away at first, but then come round and drunk all water greedy.
Then she unexpectedly embraced him, feeling, that is ready to kiss his hands, she was so glad, that she was not lone in all Universe...
".. I.. was sick and could not come earlier... " - he told suddenly, amazed by her strange behaviour.
Na'Toth pressed her cheek to his shoulder.
She knew, that its only a hysterics. She saw his confused face, guard stood on a place, not knowing what to do.
And then she braced herself suddenly.
And mad fury shot up in her soul.
Na'Toth squeezed his throat, having let out a wild cry.
Centauri begun to wheeze, coiling and then rejected her from himself.
She almost did not see him because all things span before her eyes. She tried to jump again, but could only shiver convulsively.
The guard crawled away from her, rubbing his neck and croaked, coughing:
"Narn bitch!"
Na'Toth rushed to him again. Her eyes burned with fierce hatred.
" What for have you returned? If I have died you would be free! " - she hissed.
" I have the order! - he shouted, - When I'll receive the order to kill you, I'll do it with pleasure! "
" You are damned pity coward!! - she snapped. - And fool. Do not come nearer to me, because I'll not wait for order to kill you! "
Guard wanted to kick her, but instead of it he sworn and left.
* * *
Na'Toth sat in darkness, reflecting about that happens today.
She could not believe in it. G'Kar was here, he talked with her.
But he was here not alone. Mollari was together with him.
And it disturbed her.
G'Kar has told, that he will take her away from here.
She pinched herself for the hand.
She did not sleep, he did not dream her.. she touched him, and he was quite... real.
Shipped in these reflections, Na'Toth not noticed, as Centauri guard entered into her prison cell.
He held in hands a plate with... fresh spoo.
" Eat it. Prime Minister has ordered to feed you, " - he told passionlessly.
Na'Toth looked at a dish. Fresh spoo. Inconceivable luxury.
She still felt strong weakness after that hunger-strike, therefore decided to not refuse. If G'Kar really decided to take her away, she should be strong.
She taken a plate and begins to eat spoo greedy.
Her stomach responded with strong pain in reply to such abundance. But she not stopped until eaten all spoo up to the end.
The guard continued to stand and look at her, it was unusual behaviour for him.
Na'Toth put a plate on a floor and looked at him.
" What's happens? "
He shuddered and told evasively, not looking on her.
" I did a slip. Prime Minister learned about you. I am... sorry. "
Na'Toth did not understand, what does he speaks about. And she named him by name for the first time.
" Lero, are you sick? What do you speak about? "
Centauri guard turned to door and told abruptly:
" I should not steal for you this damned spoo from imperial kitchen. But I was frightened, that you will die of an exhaustion... And they will punish me because of it... Therefore I have decided to treat you with this spoo... And now... "
He broken off and left the cell.
... Na'Toth understood, what happens only when the Prime Minister entered into her prison cell together with Lero.
She listened to their conversation, and her heart was squeezed with a pain. A naive silly woman how could she believe in such fable! Naturally, Mollari will not allow her to leave from here alive. So... they spoke about that freedom...
Minister stopped to give the order, and Lero exchanged glances with her for an instant. There was a despair and shame in his eyes. She tried to look indifferent.
At last he will receive his freedom. He has waited his order.
At last...
* * *
" I do not understand, what for should I put it on! " - Na'Toth told, and her voice shivered from humiliation.
Mollari tried to explain to her, but she refused to understand it.
Too many impressions have fallen on her in this day, and she felt, that goes mad.
" No! "- she screamed when Mollari stretched to her a Centauri gown.
G'Kar stepped with him aside and whispers something to him. Then he approached to Na'Toth and touched her hand.
"Na'Toth, believe to me, it is a one only way to escape from here. "
She has looked at him and noded.
" All right... I'll dress it... if you want, G'Kar."
... They approached to a mirror, and Na'Toth seen her reflection for the first time.
She screamed, she cannot believe that this lean dirty ugly woman is she.
Na'Toth stood, studying this unfamiliar woman.
G'Kar looked at her, and his face was gloomy.
" Na'Toth, sorry, but we should hurry... "
He told, having coughed. And stretched to her a gown.
Na'Toth still stood, touching her reflection and then told sharply:
"Turn away."
He raised browridge and looked at her with a smile.
" We have no time for silly bashfulness, Na'Toth. This gown cannot be dressed without assistance. "
She laughed, feeling that her cheeks flare from humiliation.
He understands nothing.She did not want, that he saw her in such awful condition...
Na'Toth did not want, that he felt disgust for it... And she told with frankness:
" Turn away, G'Kar. I really look nasty... I'm dirty and ugly. It... confuses me. "
He looked at her some time and then burst out laughing.
" I doubted that you will reach our ship till this minute. But now I am assured of it. If you are capable to think of your appearance during such time, you are not hopeless. Holy G'Quan, these women! "
Na'Toth looked at him with a sad smile and repeated almost gently:
" Turn away! "
G'Kar turned away obediently with chuckling...
Somewhere behind door Londo Mollari called to them once again...
Fandom: Babylon 5
...Narn prisoner finished meditation which she did each time after woke up. Next item of her rigid daily routine was one more (hopeless, certainly) attempt to tear shackles by which she has been chained to a wall. Narn woman knew, that she is too weak to tear the fetters, but... at least... she had the purpose. Here, in eternal darkness, having lost sense of time, she desperately tried to keep mind.
"They have not managed to make of me a whining animal by means of tortures then,- she thought, pulling shackles on the right hand, - and I'll not deliver to them pleasure now."
The goal.
She should remember about her goal. She should survive, because she should revenge them for her destroyed world, for death of her father, for that they have made with her...
But it was the Great Purpose, an end result, the limit of her dreams.
Na'Toth jerked chain on her left hand, trying to not pay attention to a pain in wrist.
There were smaller purposes.
G'Kar. Na'Toth wanted to see him again. She did not know, whether is he alive, but she wished to see him again. But hardly ambassador would be glad to see the cowardly pity prisoner. If he still alive, if she will see him sometime, she would like he seen her strong and proud. Therefore she will not dare to relax, will not allow them to break her spirit.
Shackles tinkled, but did not give in.
Na'Toth heard a scratch of a door and steps of the guard, brought to her a disgusting swill which here referred to as food.
He put a cup on a floor, not coming nearer to Narn prisoner. Guard did so each time: came, put meal on a floor and left. He never talked with her, unless only he has shouted at her few times when she too zealously tried to tear her shackles.
Na'Toth grinned, looking at Centauri.
She would like that guard approached more close to reach him and to break his neck.
It was her tiny purpose. Her daily purpose.
To. Reach. Him. And.To. Break. His. Neck.
Today Na'Toth broken their mutual silence and for the first time started talking to him. She could not suffer this awful silence more.
"Are you afraid of me?" - she asked in Centauri language, feeling as Centauri words literally scratch her throat.
The guard shuddered, but kept silent.
She kicked the cup with meal and overturned it.
" You are afraid of me, differently you would not hold me in these shackles all time, " - she has told defiantly.
The guard picked up the cup and told passionlessly.
" Next feeding will be only tomorrow. If it will repeat, you will be punished. "
Na'Toth spat, hoping to get in him.
"I shiver from horror already. Hey, guy, you see, you are prisoner, too, only your shackles not are so visible as mine!"
He lost his coolness for an instant.
"Shut up! Captives are forbidden to talk to guards! One more word and I... "
She smiled looking to his eyes.
" And what? Will you punish me? What a valour! You are such brave men concerning the women chained in shackles! Remove from me these damned shackles, you, worm! "
His face was deformed with a spasm of anger, he made a step to her, and Na'Toth strained the muscles, ready to be thrown to him.
To reach him, to squeeze his neck and to break it with one easy movement...
She already felt his warm flesh under her fingers... heard a crunch of his backbone...
If only he approached even more close...
Guard stopped, having seen the ominous fire flaring in her red eyes. And he come round, stepped back.
Na'Toth was ready to howl from disappointment.
"You are the same prisoner as well as me, - she have told him with smirk.-You cannot run away, as well as me."
Guard directed to door.
" I obey my order, " - he told and slammed a door behind himself...
* * *
...she felt a growing panic. She lost the control over herself... And primitive instincts of self-preservation demanded from her of humiliating things.
Na'Toth sobbed in despair having pulled the chains. Her hands have been stained with blood, she scratched stones around of a steel ring in the wall to which she has been chained. But she was too weak.
" I do not want to die... - Narn woman croaked when strenght left her finally. - I do not want to die so... disgustingly. I always dreamed to die in fight with the mighty and dangerous opponent. I do not want to die in darkness, I do not want to die all for nothing... "
Na'Toth cried silently, laying prone on dirty floor.
Prisoner lost count of time and did not know, how many days passed since her Centauri guard came last time. She knew only, that he disappeared, and since then she slowly died starving and thirsting. She raved and saw terrible hallucinations recently.
It demented her.
And today Na'Toth not sustained and has burst out crying from her powerlessness.
She shuddered from sobbings and then lost consciousness from weakness...
... Someone shaked her, splashed on cheeks, forcing to open eyes.
When Na'Toth opened eyes she seen him.
" You are still alive...Thanks to Great Maker! " - he exhaled and tried to pour in to her any liquid from a flask...
Narn woman wanted turned away at first, but then come round and drunk all water greedy.
Then she unexpectedly embraced him, feeling, that is ready to kiss his hands, she was so glad, that she was not lone in all Universe...
".. I.. was sick and could not come earlier... " - he told suddenly, amazed by her strange behaviour.
Na'Toth pressed her cheek to his shoulder.
She knew, that its only a hysterics. She saw his confused face, guard stood on a place, not knowing what to do.
And then she braced herself suddenly.
And mad fury shot up in her soul.
Na'Toth squeezed his throat, having let out a wild cry.
Centauri begun to wheeze, coiling and then rejected her from himself.
She almost did not see him because all things span before her eyes. She tried to jump again, but could only shiver convulsively.
The guard crawled away from her, rubbing his neck and croaked, coughing:
"Narn bitch!"
Na'Toth rushed to him again. Her eyes burned with fierce hatred.
" What for have you returned? If I have died you would be free! " - she hissed.
" I have the order! - he shouted, - When I'll receive the order to kill you, I'll do it with pleasure! "
" You are damned pity coward!! - she snapped. - And fool. Do not come nearer to me, because I'll not wait for order to kill you! "
Guard wanted to kick her, but instead of it he sworn and left.
* * *
Na'Toth sat in darkness, reflecting about that happens today.
She could not believe in it. G'Kar was here, he talked with her.
But he was here not alone. Mollari was together with him.
And it disturbed her.
G'Kar has told, that he will take her away from here.
She pinched herself for the hand.
She did not sleep, he did not dream her.. she touched him, and he was quite... real.
Shipped in these reflections, Na'Toth not noticed, as Centauri guard entered into her prison cell.
He held in hands a plate with... fresh spoo.
" Eat it. Prime Minister has ordered to feed you, " - he told passionlessly.
Na'Toth looked at a dish. Fresh spoo. Inconceivable luxury.
She still felt strong weakness after that hunger-strike, therefore decided to not refuse. If G'Kar really decided to take her away, she should be strong.
She taken a plate and begins to eat spoo greedy.
Her stomach responded with strong pain in reply to such abundance. But she not stopped until eaten all spoo up to the end.
The guard continued to stand and look at her, it was unusual behaviour for him.
Na'Toth put a plate on a floor and looked at him.
" What's happens? "
He shuddered and told evasively, not looking on her.
" I did a slip. Prime Minister learned about you. I am... sorry. "
Na'Toth did not understand, what does he speaks about. And she named him by name for the first time.
" Lero, are you sick? What do you speak about? "
Centauri guard turned to door and told abruptly:
" I should not steal for you this damned spoo from imperial kitchen. But I was frightened, that you will die of an exhaustion... And they will punish me because of it... Therefore I have decided to treat you with this spoo... And now... "
He broken off and left the cell.
... Na'Toth understood, what happens only when the Prime Minister entered into her prison cell together with Lero.
She listened to their conversation, and her heart was squeezed with a pain. A naive silly woman how could she believe in such fable! Naturally, Mollari will not allow her to leave from here alive. So... they spoke about that freedom...
Minister stopped to give the order, and Lero exchanged glances with her for an instant. There was a despair and shame in his eyes. She tried to look indifferent.
At last he will receive his freedom. He has waited his order.
At last...
* * *
" I do not understand, what for should I put it on! " - Na'Toth told, and her voice shivered from humiliation.
Mollari tried to explain to her, but she refused to understand it.
Too many impressions have fallen on her in this day, and she felt, that goes mad.
" No! "- she screamed when Mollari stretched to her a Centauri gown.
G'Kar stepped with him aside and whispers something to him. Then he approached to Na'Toth and touched her hand.
"Na'Toth, believe to me, it is a one only way to escape from here. "
She has looked at him and noded.
" All right... I'll dress it... if you want, G'Kar."
... They approached to a mirror, and Na'Toth seen her reflection for the first time.
She screamed, she cannot believe that this lean dirty ugly woman is she.
Na'Toth stood, studying this unfamiliar woman.
G'Kar looked at her, and his face was gloomy.
" Na'Toth, sorry, but we should hurry... "
He told, having coughed. And stretched to her a gown.
Na'Toth still stood, touching her reflection and then told sharply:
"Turn away."
He raised browridge and looked at her with a smile.
" We have no time for silly bashfulness, Na'Toth. This gown cannot be dressed without assistance. "
She laughed, feeling that her cheeks flare from humiliation.
He understands nothing.She did not want, that he saw her in such awful condition...
Na'Toth did not want, that he felt disgust for it... And she told with frankness:
" Turn away, G'Kar. I really look nasty... I'm dirty and ugly. It... confuses me. "
He looked at her some time and then burst out laughing.
" I doubted that you will reach our ship till this minute. But now I am assured of it. If you are capable to think of your appearance during such time, you are not hopeless. Holy G'Quan, these women! "
Na'Toth looked at him with a sad smile and repeated almost gently:
" Turn away! "
G'Kar turned away obediently with chuckling...
Somewhere behind door Londo Mollari called to them once again...