morbid movies.
Im still thinking about death. Im really not use to having this anexity, but I suppose everyone gets it now and then. But its like, everything I watch or read makes me think about it.
On one hand I'm afaid of getting left behind. I've never been to a funeral, im afraid the law of averages is going to start catching up to me in a very unnerving way. Like my parents. They have always been very...ALIVE people. Very energectic, self sufficiant, go out and do shit people. But ever since I moved back home they are really...well....old. I know my parents had me rather late in the game but im terrified that theres not much time left. I dunno what Im going to do without them...I mean. yes. I know, it happens to just about everyone and you move on. I guess Im just not as grown up as I think I am.
On the flip side. Im scared for myself. I dont want to dwell on shit but frankly. I really could have died in that accent. I catch myself replaying it in my head and think....Jesus. That bit right there? that should have been my face! If that branch had been pointing a different direction I would have been implaied-- etc etc so on and so forth. But I didnt die right. Im FINE. And what am I doing? Siting under $12,000 of debt for a degree I dont have, and not doing anything! Im not going anywhere, not seeing anyone. Im just sitting here....like moss.... sure it lives but wow, really?
It really doesnt help that everywhere I look Im being preasured to find someone. I dont want to just....find someone. I want it to be right and good and be happy. And ya know what. Im just fine being celibate till then. I dont have to get laid!! I DONT! But then I get back to not doing anything. I know that person isnt just going to show up out of nowhere, but...i dunno....I never got the dating guild book in highschool. I picked up WoD instead.
And beyond the relationship thing. Like I said. Im good without it. But theres the Im stuck here problem. I dont go and where. I live 2 hours away from the boarder and I've never been out of the country. I've scarely been out of the state. Still havent been on a plane. Or a boat....Not a single boat. Im scared of dieing having never done anything.
I know...everyone goes through this....
-morbid-nat-
P.S. "P.S. I love you" is a really good movie to watch but REALLY bad when your in this mood. You wind up crying for hours for no reason, then geting one of those grose stuffy/runny nose hot headaches.
On one hand I'm afaid of getting left behind. I've never been to a funeral, im afraid the law of averages is going to start catching up to me in a very unnerving way. Like my parents. They have always been very...ALIVE people. Very energectic, self sufficiant, go out and do shit people. But ever since I moved back home they are really...well....old. I know my parents had me rather late in the game but im terrified that theres not much time left. I dunno what Im going to do without them...I mean. yes. I know, it happens to just about everyone and you move on. I guess Im just not as grown up as I think I am.
On the flip side. Im scared for myself. I dont want to dwell on shit but frankly. I really could have died in that accent. I catch myself replaying it in my head and think....Jesus. That bit right there? that should have been my face! If that branch had been pointing a different direction I would have been implaied-- etc etc so on and so forth. But I didnt die right. Im FINE. And what am I doing? Siting under $12,000 of debt for a degree I dont have, and not doing anything! Im not going anywhere, not seeing anyone. Im just sitting here....like moss.... sure it lives but wow, really?
It really doesnt help that everywhere I look Im being preasured to find someone. I dont want to just....find someone. I want it to be right and good and be happy. And ya know what. Im just fine being celibate till then. I dont have to get laid!! I DONT! But then I get back to not doing anything. I know that person isnt just going to show up out of nowhere, but...i dunno....I never got the dating guild book in highschool. I picked up WoD instead.
And beyond the relationship thing. Like I said. Im good without it. But theres the Im stuck here problem. I dont go and where. I live 2 hours away from the boarder and I've never been out of the country. I've scarely been out of the state. Still havent been on a plane. Or a boat....Not a single boat. Im scared of dieing having never done anything.
I know...everyone goes through this....
-morbid-nat-
P.S. "P.S. I love you" is a really good movie to watch but REALLY bad when your in this mood. You wind up crying for hours for no reason, then geting one of those grose stuffy/runny nose hot headaches.