Whoa!
Okay, I just had an experience.
I had received mail for my ex-husband that I haven't seen in a year (more or less). I talk to him every Saturday when he calls, so I have kept in touch with him. Why he calls, I don't know, but we talk mainly about nothing important.
Anyway, I call him because the mail looks important, and tell him he can come by the library to pick it up. He tells me that he is nervous about seeing me, because he has changed so much. He tells me not to make fun of him when he comes, and I of course wouldn't do that anyway.
He pulls up in front of the front doors, and although he has changed somewhat by adding a beard, longer hair, and a cap of some sort, I still know who he is. He tells me that I look good, that I haven't changed (duh), and he gets sorta emotional when he says that he is sooo glad to see me. I was glad to see him, too, but I just sit there looking at him for about 2 minutes. What I realize now is that I was trying to judge my feelings towards him. Good Lord, yes, I still love him. Deeply. But not on the level that I thought I would if confronted by him again. I am okay with things as they are now, and I wouldn't want to go back to the life I had with him before. I can be good friends with him, talk with him, and even have dinner with him if he wants, but that is as far as I'll go. I will always love the man, no matter what he did to me, but I know that I like my life the way it is now. But if he needs a friend, then I am here.
I had received mail for my ex-husband that I haven't seen in a year (more or less). I talk to him every Saturday when he calls, so I have kept in touch with him. Why he calls, I don't know, but we talk mainly about nothing important.
Anyway, I call him because the mail looks important, and tell him he can come by the library to pick it up. He tells me that he is nervous about seeing me, because he has changed so much. He tells me not to make fun of him when he comes, and I of course wouldn't do that anyway.
He pulls up in front of the front doors, and although he has changed somewhat by adding a beard, longer hair, and a cap of some sort, I still know who he is. He tells me that I look good, that I haven't changed (duh), and he gets sorta emotional when he says that he is sooo glad to see me. I was glad to see him, too, but I just sit there looking at him for about 2 minutes. What I realize now is that I was trying to judge my feelings towards him. Good Lord, yes, I still love him. Deeply. But not on the level that I thought I would if confronted by him again. I am okay with things as they are now, and I wouldn't want to go back to the life I had with him before. I can be good friends with him, talk with him, and even have dinner with him if he wants, but that is as far as I'll go. I will always love the man, no matter what he did to me, but I know that I like my life the way it is now. But if he needs a friend, then I am here.