[Fanfic] Smaller Nations, Smaller Rules
Title: Smaller Lists Of Rules For Smaller Nations
Author: Me
Ratings: Let's go with a strong 15+ to be safe
Characters: OC!Åland, OC!Serbia, OC!Moldova, with mentions of other OCs and canon characters
Warning: Strong language, implications of sexual activites not permissible by law in many nations.
Summary: So when is the person keeping the master list of this meme going to come here and start including this community's efforts?
I, the anthropomorphic representation of the Åland Islands, acknowledge the following:
1. If Finland calls me Ahvenanmaa, I will not ignore him, turn away, or correct him in a very loud voice.
- He cries easily.
- - Making Finland cry makes Dad Sweden very upset.
- - - I don't want to make Dad Sweden upset. He still has that damn sword.
2. Just because Sealand is staying in my old room does not mean that I can annex him.
3. Sealand has every right to complain about the condition I left my room in when I moved out.
- Honestly, would it have hurt me to have washed the sheets?
- - Are sheets supposed to be able to bend like that?
- And I'm really sorry I forgot that I hid that plate of Surströmming in the back of the closet.
4. I shall not abuse Sealand with the fact that I'm semi-autonomous and he's not a real nation.
5. I shall not use that status to start planning a new Kalmar Union with the Faroes, Greenland, and Svalbard.
- Especially Svalbard.
- - The kid's a psycho, and this won't end well.
6. Those planning sessions for a new Kalmar Union are not an excuse for orgies.
- Especially if Svalbard's there.
- - He's like, what, eleven years old?
- - - Norway would not be happy if he found out his kid was exposed to that kind of stuff.
- - - - Despite the fact that he was doing the same things with Denmark at that age.
- - - Svalbard's other dad would probably be less happy.
- - - - Remember at all times that Svalbard's other dad is Russia and act accordingly.
7. I shall not exchange the presents in Finland's Santa bag with IKEA gift certificates.
8. I will not send links to "interesting web sites" to underage nations.
- Those kind of sites may be legal in Sweden, but not necessarily elsewhere.
- - And even if they were legal...okay, I will apologize to Latvia.
- - - And pay for his therapy bills and medication.
- - I will apologize to Turkey. And delete TRNC's e-mail address from my address book.
9. I firmly understand that I am not part of Sweden.
- Despite the fact that I speak Swedish.
- - Or the fact that my people are ethnically Swede.
- - - Let's face it, the only reason I'm sticking around Finland is because I prefer his cooking.
10. Throwing a temper tantrum on Märket Island with one foot on each side of the border will not change #9.
11. I understand that Finland can add entries to this list at any time based on my actions.
- I am still under his authority.
- - Even though he's so not my dad.
I, the anthropomorphic representation of the Republic of Serbia, acknowledge the following, under duress from the World Court:
1. Montenegro's gone. He left me.
- No amount of crying will change this.
- No amount of begging will change this.
- No amount of phone calls will change this.
- Sending those three dozen roses to Podgorica was a waste of money.
- The screaming and howling in the middle of the night is waking up half of Belgrade.
2. I will not attempt to take out my frustrations on Croatia.
- He hits back.
- And at no time am I to refer to him as the Ustache. That's low, even for me.
- - No matter how true it is.
3. I will not attempt to take out my frustrations on Bosnia and/or Herzegovina.
- More than I already have, anyway.
4. I will remember that taking out my frustrations on Bosnia and/or Herzegovina is why I'm in this mess in the first place.
- I am being forced at this point to write that I will forever equate the phrase "ethnic cleansing" with the word "genocide".
- - I will do so when Turkey starts using that word vis-a-vis Armenia.
- - - I acknowledge that this attitude means that I will get to join the EU at about the same time as Turkey; that is, sometime between 2050 and never.
5. I will not call Montenegro a "frigid bitch" in the middle of World Meetings.
- Or at any other time.
- Just because I'm into certain bedroom activities doesn't mean that everyone else is.
- - The goat is Montenegro's, and he wants it back.
- - - Apparently he thinks the goat smells better than I do.
6. In regard to #5, I will attempt to improve my personal hygiene.
- Bathing and washing clothes get rid of lice.
- - Lice carry typhus.
- - - Typhus is the main reason I keep getting my ass kicked in wars.
7. I will not make fun of Bosnia's circumcision scar.
- Or Albania's
- - If Turkey offers me a circumcision, I will not accept.
- - - No matter how many times I was tempted to do so in the past.
8. I will not mention the words "Sarajevo" and "assassination" within earshot of Austria.
- This will guarantee a frying pan to the head from Hungary.
9. I will congratulate Slovenia on making the World Cup. He needs the self-esteem boost.
10. I will try to repair and improve my relations with other nations.
- See #6 for Step 1 in this regard.
- - I will not propose bringing the goat along on our date. See #5.
- - - Even if the person I ask out is Switzerland.
- See #4 for Step 2 in this regard.
- - I can probably fake being sincere about this.
11. As part of #10, I will not volunteer to become one with Russia.
- Despite the fact that we're both Orthodox.
- - Just remember that the son of a bitch didn't help in 1912.
- I will not offer advice to Russia on what he can do about Chechnya.
- - My methods are not necessarily condoned by the world community.
12. If some woman named Tix tells me she wants to draw me in the nude, I will take her up on her offer.
- I will not be upset when she posts the result on DeviantArt.
- - I will also not attempt to use said result as advertising.
13. I acknowledge that any future misbehavior on my part will result in me having to live with Bulgaria.
- I am not allowed to ask for a death sentence instead.
14. There is no #14. Okay, Netherlands, are you happy, you baked bastard?
I, the anthropomorphic representation of the People's Republic of Moldova, acknowledge the following
1. I will not blame Ukraine for what's going on in Transnistria.
- It makes her cry.
- - A strong wind makes Ukraine cry.
- - - If Ukraine cries, then Russia wants to know what's going on.
- - - - I lived with Russia for a long time. I know what happens next.
2. Being the poorest country in Europe is no excuse to live like a slob.
- Negative comparisons of my apartment to Ukraine's barn are not something to be proud of.
3. There is a reason why my idiot brother Romania won't let me move in with him again. See #2.
- I will not leech off Romania's wireless network, regardless of how poor I am.
- - He really needs a better WPA key. "Dracula"? How obvious is that?
4. There is a reason why Russia doesn't want me to become one with him again. See #2.
- You would think that voting Communists into office would make him happy enough to ignore that.
- - Even if I did vote them out again.
5. I am not part of the Soviet Union anymore. Therefore, I have to do my own laundry since Ukraine isn't around to do it.
- The fact that I mistakenly used dishwashing liquid instead of detergent that one time is not an excuse.
- - I will not believe Slovakia when he says that spraying my clothes with Febreze is just as good as doing the laundry
- - - He's living proof that it isn't. Take a whiff of him sometime.
- - - - He probably hasn't done his laundry since he got his own place in 1993....hmmm.....
- - - - - I will not ask Czech Republic to do my laundry. Apparently it violates EU toxic waste handling policies.
6. Taking a bath once in a while will not "pollute the Dneister for the next thousand years".
- Neither will brushing my teeth.
- The excuse that it keeps Belarus away from me is no longer valid.
- And I wonder why Hungary takes pictures of everyone else, but not me.
- Hey, does Serbia smell like a goat, or is it just my imagination?
7. Correcting #5 and #6 will assist me in correcting #s 2, 3, and 4.
- My social options may expand into areas other than "masturbating while thinking about Ukraine's breasts" and "surfing for porn".
- - My idiot brother has got to notice all that Internet traffic, doesn't he?
- - - I will not click on any links sent to me by Åland.
- - - - Although now I think I've figured out why Serbia smells like a goat.
7. I will not lash out at other nations when they call my capital "Kishinev".
- Let's face it, no one but me and Romania know how to properly pronounce "Chişinău".
8. Potemkin was born in Russia. His conquests are now part of Ukraine. He only died on my soil. I have no right to anything regarding him.
9. I have got to cut down on the drinking.
- Even though I drink less than Latvia.
- "Being drunk and stupid is no way to go through life." Romania told me that.
- - Romania is the biggest hypocrite in the universe. He perfected being drunk and stupid.
10. I have got to figure out a way to get my economy going.
- Something that doesn't involve prostitution.
- - It didn't work for Latvia.
- Tajikistan's economy is outperforming mine.
- - Tajikistan lives in a tent and drinks camel urine for breakfast.
- - - I am so in trouble.
11. I can't keep blaming the Soviet Union for my situation.
- I can't keep blaming my stupid brother for my situation.
- I can't keep blaming Ukraine for my situation.
- I'm pretty much out of people to blame, aren't I?
12. I can't get my shrink to prescribe more than one month of antidepressants for me. He thinks I'll overdose.
- And I probably would.
- - And knowing my luck, it wouldn't help one bit.
Author: Me
Ratings: Let's go with a strong 15+ to be safe
Characters: OC!Åland, OC!Serbia, OC!Moldova, with mentions of other OCs and canon characters
Warning: Strong language, implications of sexual activites not permissible by law in many nations.
Summary: So when is the person keeping the master list of this meme going to come here and start including this community's efforts?
I, the anthropomorphic representation of the Åland Islands, acknowledge the following:
1. If Finland calls me Ahvenanmaa, I will not ignore him, turn away, or correct him in a very loud voice.
- He cries easily.
- - Making Finland cry makes Dad Sweden very upset.
- - - I don't want to make Dad Sweden upset. He still has that damn sword.
2. Just because Sealand is staying in my old room does not mean that I can annex him.
3. Sealand has every right to complain about the condition I left my room in when I moved out.
- Honestly, would it have hurt me to have washed the sheets?
- - Are sheets supposed to be able to bend like that?
- And I'm really sorry I forgot that I hid that plate of Surströmming in the back of the closet.
4. I shall not abuse Sealand with the fact that I'm semi-autonomous and he's not a real nation.
5. I shall not use that status to start planning a new Kalmar Union with the Faroes, Greenland, and Svalbard.
- Especially Svalbard.
- - The kid's a psycho, and this won't end well.
6. Those planning sessions for a new Kalmar Union are not an excuse for orgies.
- Especially if Svalbard's there.
- - He's like, what, eleven years old?
- - - Norway would not be happy if he found out his kid was exposed to that kind of stuff.
- - - - Despite the fact that he was doing the same things with Denmark at that age.
- - - Svalbard's other dad would probably be less happy.
- - - - Remember at all times that Svalbard's other dad is Russia and act accordingly.
7. I shall not exchange the presents in Finland's Santa bag with IKEA gift certificates.
8. I will not send links to "interesting web sites" to underage nations.
- Those kind of sites may be legal in Sweden, but not necessarily elsewhere.
- - And even if they were legal...okay, I will apologize to Latvia.
- - - And pay for his therapy bills and medication.
- - I will apologize to Turkey. And delete TRNC's e-mail address from my address book.
9. I firmly understand that I am not part of Sweden.
- Despite the fact that I speak Swedish.
- - Or the fact that my people are ethnically Swede.
- - - Let's face it, the only reason I'm sticking around Finland is because I prefer his cooking.
10. Throwing a temper tantrum on Märket Island with one foot on each side of the border will not change #9.
11. I understand that Finland can add entries to this list at any time based on my actions.
- I am still under his authority.
- - Even though he's so not my dad.
I, the anthropomorphic representation of the Republic of Serbia, acknowledge the following, under duress from the World Court:
1. Montenegro's gone. He left me.
- No amount of crying will change this.
- No amount of begging will change this.
- No amount of phone calls will change this.
- Sending those three dozen roses to Podgorica was a waste of money.
- The screaming and howling in the middle of the night is waking up half of Belgrade.
2. I will not attempt to take out my frustrations on Croatia.
- He hits back.
- And at no time am I to refer to him as the Ustache. That's low, even for me.
- - No matter how true it is.
3. I will not attempt to take out my frustrations on Bosnia and/or Herzegovina.
- More than I already have, anyway.
4. I will remember that taking out my frustrations on Bosnia and/or Herzegovina is why I'm in this mess in the first place.
- I am being forced at this point to write that I will forever equate the phrase "ethnic cleansing" with the word "genocide".
- - I will do so when Turkey starts using that word vis-a-vis Armenia.
- - - I acknowledge that this attitude means that I will get to join the EU at about the same time as Turkey; that is, sometime between 2050 and never.
5. I will not call Montenegro a "frigid bitch" in the middle of World Meetings.
- Or at any other time.
- Just because I'm into certain bedroom activities doesn't mean that everyone else is.
- - The goat is Montenegro's, and he wants it back.
- - - Apparently he thinks the goat smells better than I do.
6. In regard to #5, I will attempt to improve my personal hygiene.
- Bathing and washing clothes get rid of lice.
- - Lice carry typhus.
- - - Typhus is the main reason I keep getting my ass kicked in wars.
7. I will not make fun of Bosnia's circumcision scar.
- Or Albania's
- - If Turkey offers me a circumcision, I will not accept.
- - - No matter how many times I was tempted to do so in the past.
8. I will not mention the words "Sarajevo" and "assassination" within earshot of Austria.
- This will guarantee a frying pan to the head from Hungary.
9. I will congratulate Slovenia on making the World Cup. He needs the self-esteem boost.
10. I will try to repair and improve my relations with other nations.
- See #6 for Step 1 in this regard.
- - I will not propose bringing the goat along on our date. See #5.
- - - Even if the person I ask out is Switzerland.
- See #4 for Step 2 in this regard.
- - I can probably fake being sincere about this.
11. As part of #10, I will not volunteer to become one with Russia.
- Despite the fact that we're both Orthodox.
- - Just remember that the son of a bitch didn't help in 1912.
- I will not offer advice to Russia on what he can do about Chechnya.
- - My methods are not necessarily condoned by the world community.
12. If some woman named Tix tells me she wants to draw me in the nude, I will take her up on her offer.
- I will not be upset when she posts the result on DeviantArt.
- - I will also not attempt to use said result as advertising.
13. I acknowledge that any future misbehavior on my part will result in me having to live with Bulgaria.
- I am not allowed to ask for a death sentence instead.
14. There is no #14. Okay, Netherlands, are you happy, you baked bastard?
I, the anthropomorphic representation of the People's Republic of Moldova, acknowledge the following
1. I will not blame Ukraine for what's going on in Transnistria.
- It makes her cry.
- - A strong wind makes Ukraine cry.
- - - If Ukraine cries, then Russia wants to know what's going on.
- - - - I lived with Russia for a long time. I know what happens next.
2. Being the poorest country in Europe is no excuse to live like a slob.
- Negative comparisons of my apartment to Ukraine's barn are not something to be proud of.
3. There is a reason why my idiot brother Romania won't let me move in with him again. See #2.
- I will not leech off Romania's wireless network, regardless of how poor I am.
- - He really needs a better WPA key. "Dracula"? How obvious is that?
4. There is a reason why Russia doesn't want me to become one with him again. See #2.
- You would think that voting Communists into office would make him happy enough to ignore that.
- - Even if I did vote them out again.
5. I am not part of the Soviet Union anymore. Therefore, I have to do my own laundry since Ukraine isn't around to do it.
- The fact that I mistakenly used dishwashing liquid instead of detergent that one time is not an excuse.
- - I will not believe Slovakia when he says that spraying my clothes with Febreze is just as good as doing the laundry
- - - He's living proof that it isn't. Take a whiff of him sometime.
- - - - He probably hasn't done his laundry since he got his own place in 1993....hmmm.....
- - - - - I will not ask Czech Republic to do my laundry. Apparently it violates EU toxic waste handling policies.
6. Taking a bath once in a while will not "pollute the Dneister for the next thousand years".
- Neither will brushing my teeth.
- The excuse that it keeps Belarus away from me is no longer valid.
- And I wonder why Hungary takes pictures of everyone else, but not me.
- Hey, does Serbia smell like a goat, or is it just my imagination?
7. Correcting #5 and #6 will assist me in correcting #s 2, 3, and 4.
- My social options may expand into areas other than "masturbating while thinking about Ukraine's breasts" and "surfing for porn".
- - My idiot brother has got to notice all that Internet traffic, doesn't he?
- - - I will not click on any links sent to me by Åland.
- - - - Although now I think I've figured out why Serbia smells like a goat.
7. I will not lash out at other nations when they call my capital "Kishinev".
- Let's face it, no one but me and Romania know how to properly pronounce "Chişinău".
8. Potemkin was born in Russia. His conquests are now part of Ukraine. He only died on my soil. I have no right to anything regarding him.
9. I have got to cut down on the drinking.
- Even though I drink less than Latvia.
- "Being drunk and stupid is no way to go through life." Romania told me that.
- - Romania is the biggest hypocrite in the universe. He perfected being drunk and stupid.
10. I have got to figure out a way to get my economy going.
- Something that doesn't involve prostitution.
- - It didn't work for Latvia.
- Tajikistan's economy is outperforming mine.
- - Tajikistan lives in a tent and drinks camel urine for breakfast.
- - - I am so in trouble.
11. I can't keep blaming the Soviet Union for my situation.
- I can't keep blaming my stupid brother for my situation.
- I can't keep blaming Ukraine for my situation.
- I'm pretty much out of people to blame, aren't I?
12. I can't get my shrink to prescribe more than one month of antidepressants for me. He thinks I'll overdose.
- And I probably would.
- - And knowing my luck, it wouldn't help one bit.