It's not easy being me.
I'm slowly coming to terms with the fact that my life, for what it is, is going to be very difficult in the long-term. I'm a shift supervisor at Starbucks and over the last few months have realized that I'm just not very good at ... 'supervising.' Moreso lately due I think in part to a lot of outside (as well as at work) stress but it just doesn't seem to be my forte.
I'm a hard worker. But I have a really hard time being responsible for the work of OTHER people. Only to be held accountable for it. I'm failing as a supervisor. And that worries me. I thought I wanted to be an Assistant Manager but if I'm having such a hard time with being a shift, that doesn't necessarily bode well for a promotion. Everyday there's just too much stuff to be done and I'm either staying late (which I get in trouble for) to finish it up or it's not getting done. This is for a few reasons. ALL of the partners don't work hard enough. I don't stay on top of people and keep them doing things at all times of the day because I'm either too overwhelmed with the number of customers or I'm just not thinking about it.
But obviously this stuff CAN be done. People must do it. Starbucks wouldn't have a 'duty roster' if it was impossible.
So what does that say about my life? My future? That I just won't ever be a manager. Granted, manager-dom is often a retail environment term but to make any money, to be able to provide for a family, to be able to live a happy life, I need to make more than $9hr. And it worries me... a lot. Are there jobs out there that pay you more if you're simply NOT responsible for other peoples work??
All I know is that everyday for the last few weeks, I've come home exhausted. I've been close to tears at work because nothing is the way that it should be, I'm getting 'coached' by my manager on a daily basis on all of the things that I've failed to do/accomplish and it's hitting me hard.
I've considered requesting a demotion and going back to being a Barista where I know I can at least perform my job and do it well but that would mean a dollar pay cut and ultimately that I'm giving up... but on the other hand, if I can't do my job as a shift, if I continue to be written up for things like failing to fill out the duty roster or use my 'deployment' charts to the best of my ability, I could very well lose my job alltogether and I can't afford that.
I simply hate myself for being that person who just can't play the part. I know that I'm capable of great things in this life but I'm starting to wonder what those things are.
I'm a hard worker. But I have a really hard time being responsible for the work of OTHER people. Only to be held accountable for it. I'm failing as a supervisor. And that worries me. I thought I wanted to be an Assistant Manager but if I'm having such a hard time with being a shift, that doesn't necessarily bode well for a promotion. Everyday there's just too much stuff to be done and I'm either staying late (which I get in trouble for) to finish it up or it's not getting done. This is for a few reasons. ALL of the partners don't work hard enough. I don't stay on top of people and keep them doing things at all times of the day because I'm either too overwhelmed with the number of customers or I'm just not thinking about it.
But obviously this stuff CAN be done. People must do it. Starbucks wouldn't have a 'duty roster' if it was impossible.
So what does that say about my life? My future? That I just won't ever be a manager. Granted, manager-dom is often a retail environment term but to make any money, to be able to provide for a family, to be able to live a happy life, I need to make more than $9hr. And it worries me... a lot. Are there jobs out there that pay you more if you're simply NOT responsible for other peoples work??
All I know is that everyday for the last few weeks, I've come home exhausted. I've been close to tears at work because nothing is the way that it should be, I'm getting 'coached' by my manager on a daily basis on all of the things that I've failed to do/accomplish and it's hitting me hard.
I've considered requesting a demotion and going back to being a Barista where I know I can at least perform my job and do it well but that would mean a dollar pay cut and ultimately that I'm giving up... but on the other hand, if I can't do my job as a shift, if I continue to be written up for things like failing to fill out the duty roster or use my 'deployment' charts to the best of my ability, I could very well lose my job alltogether and I can't afford that.
I simply hate myself for being that person who just can't play the part. I know that I'm capable of great things in this life but I'm starting to wonder what those things are.