I hate my brain.
It just never stops. Thinking back on every word, scrutinizing every little detail real or imaginary...
I hate being paranoid comined with an over-active imagination, with just enough self-deprication that I'm wondering if all the wonderful things done and said on Saterday night were even real, because how could they possibly be?
Why can't I just enjoy the fact that I had dinner with a beautiful, loving young woman, during which discussed that...she has feelings for me.
I'll give myself credit that my defcon 5 into worst case senerio isn't completely unfounded, but it's not enough to discredit the whole thing. Not to discredit that her words are genuine. Not enough to discredit that someone as awesome as her could, in fact feel that way about me.
.......Holy CRAP that last sentence was hard to type.
Good God, all Sunday, for the better part of today, I was feeling good. Really good. Confident. That's a strange feeling for me to have, but I liked it. Now one little thing and I'm ready to throw it all out the door? Start denying that it was even real? I know it was early to get my hopes up....but not enough to give it away completely.
And I do like hope so much. Blue has become one of my favorite colors.
I just want to stop. Stop thinking. Stop over-analysing. Stop being bitter toward a guy I barely know....
Stop all of that...and enjoy. Enjoy the fact a wonderful girl kissed the back of my hand.
God...no matter what ends up happening, as far as I'm concerned that's a miracle. The way my brain works, how could it not be?
"What about you and me
And what about gold beneath the sea?"
Huh....maybe there is a reason that's my favorite part of the song.