This quarter...

May 28, 2008 10:28

This quarter has been really long. If you ever go on the quarter system I don't recommend taking a week off and getting taken to the hospital two weeks later. It's not the best of ideas. Granted, the hospital situation was not under my control. That week was hell with me and it was one of the scariest weeks of my life. I could have lost my freedom of life and I could have lost Christy too. I have grown to deeply care about her in so many ways. I have somewhat felt like this but in a different way in a bad way I suppose (Bad is not quite the right word though). I seem to be attracted to girls that have recently lost someone. Christy just has an amazing strength for handling her situation that basically includes the death of her brother, the on going harassment she gets from her family, and the never ending bickering and misunderstanding of her roommate. She deals with it in such a fashion that it does affect her but she keeps going; she tries to pick herself up. That to me is amazing. I know her on going shit doesn't compare in anyway to anyone's problems in life. Everyone has a different and very unique life that presents them with different situations/problems. Trying to compare her to someone else is not right; however, I can only go off of past experiences. Past experience tells me that, some people just can handle death or personal problems very well. Actually in my opinion they don't have a very healthy way of handling it.

Christy is a "God send" not that I actually believe in that, but it's the only way I can describe her. She is extremely intelligent and is constantly learning knew things. She always tells me about them which I think is so cute and very fascinating too. She has this way about her that just makes me light up every time I see her walk into the room. The greatest thing about her is the way she makes me feel; with her I don't doubt that she loves me, cares for me and wants to be with me entirely. Every morning I wake up and start out my day smiling because she is right there next to me holding me, sound asleep. I never in a million years imagined this happening. I was going to say "again", but this is different, this is much better than what I had with Emily. She was definitely right in that aspect - I do deserve someone that loves me the way I love her. That's the other thing, with Christy I feel like I am on the same page with her. We share the same fears about where our "relationship" is headed. I put quotes around that word because I'm not using it in a conventional way - you know girlfriend and we're in a relationship type deal? NO! I am using it as a way of defining human being interaction that doesn't necessarily mean romantic involvement.

She constantly makes me smile and makes my cheeks hurt. :) And even when she is down she makes me smile because I make her feel good. At the end of the day when she has had a bad day she wants to see me because I make her feel better just by her seeing me. Just by me loving her. :) That is one of the best feelings in the world to be able to make someone you love feel better. To make them smile, giggle, laugh. I am definitely able to do that with Christy EVEN when she is feeling down and depressed.

Her eyes give it all away. :) I love her eyes she has the most beautiful light brown eyes. That's knew for me - the brown I mean. Usually I go for anything other than brown eyes. I think it looks hot personally. But after I noticed her mind and knowledge, I noticed her eyebrows and eyes. The expressions they make are just in tune with her thoughts. It took me a while to read them but I think I finally have gotten a little better at it. :) That makes me really happy, the fact that I can read her body language fairly well now.

Her insight on life is another thing I love. She has so much experience on life that unfortunately/fortunately came at such an early age. It made her stronger, more mature, a better prepared than most to deal with the worst of what has been thrown at her.

Ambition: OH MY GOODNESS! (hahaha I feel like a valley girl when I say that) Her ambition is amazing. Her want to make money and be well off makes me want to do the same. Granted I feel like I have a slight disadvantage not having as many connections as she has, but that is where my hard work comes in. right? :)

Health and physique: wow I am so glad she pushes me too look so much better. :) I've been saying I want to loose weight and be more healthy. She definitely makes it possible. She compliments me on the way I look know and how much better I will look once I get all toned. Not to mention she has also lost some weight while we've been dating. We are a power couple :) SO FUCKING HOT! what? It's true...

She just does so many wonderful things for my mind and my body (think what you will) I am grateful to have her and be around her. I am most grateful for the help and advice she gave me when I came out to my mother. I am glad I am finally doing things that make ME happy. No offense but FUCK EVERYONE else. I am gonna look out for myself from now on. If that makes me a bitch then so be it. I am done putting myself in a position where I am not loved, I am not respected, and I am not accepted. This goes for my family, exes, and friends. Not to say that I have completely changed and you wouldn't want to be my friend, but I am now choosing people that better suite my lifestyle and that love me, accept me, and respect me. Christy is one of them.

I did not expect this to happen. I didn't expect this to happen that fast either. I wasn't looking for anyone. I was just looking for a good time. I told Emily about Christy not expecting it to go much further, but things happen. Life is good for the most part. I am not on a "I'm so freaking happy with my life right now" high... it's not like it was winter quarter. Now I am back to reality.I am happy with my life: the good and the bad. Now I must think about the future and get my studies back on track. In lou of that, what career will make me lots of money and let me enjoy what I am doing? That's something to ponder about... I'm going to be a 3rd year next year. I have to figure it out fast!

bah i'm done... :)
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