Everything is going to hell

[nataysha]

My life, this whole thing. Is going down. Like im on a plan and the red button is flashing saying mayday mayday were going down. I just dont know what to do anymore. I seriously dont. I cant even find a guy. Not like it's the most i want in life. But i'd really like a fucking boyfriend. I would be SUCH a good girlfriend. Why is it fat ugly bitches can get a guy..but i cant even get one to look at me. I feel like im invisible. And I fuck myself over. Big time. I met a guy through my friend. he was..awsome. Seriously. He is a really good guy, funny, actualy really hot, he does this lip thing that makes me laugh..he doesnt know though. But he has to live like...4 million hours away. well it's only like 2 hours. And when he comes here. I had sex with him. Yeah, yeah, yeah I know. I could've had self control. But I didn't realise that I liked him so much. I dont even know the kid. well I do. lol I actualy know alot about him. asked him a shit load of questions. Blah. Why cant he live here. Nevermind lol. Even if he did there are ALOT better looking people than me. Yay for port st. lucie.
Im writing a novel. About my stupidity. *sigh* Im just depressed. No i dont want a pill for it. I dont need a massage. Or therapy. I dont want a girls night out. But every second im not talking, im thinking. And everytime I think it makes me think of everything i want. I dont want alot. Blah.
I just want to drive for hours, and hours. And where ever my gas runs out. is where I want to live.
Man, I wish I could just....die.
Not really i love life.
But I dont know. I just...want to leave.

Fuck me.

Not literaly.

*shoots self*