[Viewfinder fic] A Promise Broken
Title: A Promise Broken
Fandom: Viewfinder
Pairing: Yoh/Fei Long
Warning: songfic, angst
Summary: How Fei Long tries to come to terms with his feelings for one person.
Disclaimer: All characters belong to Yamane Ayano.
Note: It has been awhile since I last wrote somoething for Viewfinder, and I'm glad that I finally did. I used the song Over and Over from Three Days Grace for this fic. I hope you like it ^^
I feel it everyday it's all the same
It brings me down but I'm the one to blame
I've tried everything to get away
So here I go again
Chasing you down again
Why do I do this?
It is hard. To see you every day. Knowing that I did this to myself, like some sort of punishment. After everything that happened between us and I still have you around me. I decided that you shouldn’t be punished for everything that happened and above all you own feelings.
Someone once told me that we do not choose the person we love. That same person now has someone he loves, even though he doesn’t admit it. But I know he does, otherwise he wouldn’t have come all the way here to safe him and take him back home.
I was the one that decided that you should stay here and keep working for me. I tried to ignore you and pretend like you weren’t there, but you were. Every time you are near me I kept kind of nervous, wanting to get away from you. I’m afraid of what you do to me.
Do you even know what you do to me? If I’m honest I don’t even know why I want to keep you beside me and run away at the same time. It’s not natural to do something like this and yet I still do this.
Over and over, over and over
I fall for you
Over and over, over and over
I try not to
I try to keep myself in check when you are around me. Trying to be busy with work or something else, but it never works. I can’t help but notice that you go everywhere I go. Or am I imagining this? Is it because I’m doing something I promised to never do in my whole life?
I can’t help it. It’s even worse that I know I can’t do anything about it. It’s me who is feeling this yet it isn’t me. Again and again I try to ignore what is happening to me. I still don’t believe that I’m falling and I’m realizing that I’m falling hard. Something I promised not to do.
Yet it seems I have broken my promise.
It feels like everyday stays the same
It's dragging me down and I can't pull away
So here I go again
Chasing you down again
Why do I do this?
Yet since the moment I let you back in my life it didn’t seem like anything really had changed. Well, I have changed but I won’t let anyone see this. Except for the few people who know me well, know that something is different about me. When they ask about this I will ignore them or tell them that they are seeing things that aren’t there.
Somehow it pains me that nothing has changed. My feelings are telling me that I wanted a change. Only I do not exactly know what these feelings want. It’s hard not knowing what you want.
It isn’t like the first time that I don’t know what I want. But last time it was different. I was young and naïve. Now I’m not. I know better. At least I hope I do.
So here I am again, thinking about you and why I am doing this to myself. Why am I torturing myself? But I know the answer to that question. Now I only need to come to terms with it and eventually accept it.
I have to otherwise I will go mad.
Over and over, over and over
I fall for you
Over and over, over and over
I try not to
Over and over, over and over
You make me fall for you
Over and over, over and over
You don't even try
You don’t know how hard you make it to stay away from you. I try everything not to be alone with you. I do not know what I will do when we are alone. I’m afraid that something will happen that can never be righted again.
Sometimes I have the feeling that you know what you are doing to me. No, let me put it in another way, I know that you know what you are doing to me. I know for certain because of the way I sometimes see you looking at me. Every time I see that look in your eyes I shiver and try to hide the redness that will make its way on my face.
You try to break me. It’s like you exactly know which buttons to push. Then again you have known me for years, so you probably do. Yet it seems like you are doing nothing. Maybe I’m just imagining you trying to catch my attention. Maybe I just need to give you my attention, without you trying to.
It’s like you are trying to make me do things without really doing anything. But you know the effects it has on me. Not only that, you also keep doing the same things over and over. It seems like you try to monopolize me, without doing anything. Or am I just thinking that this is all happening? Is it just me?
So many thoughts that I can't get out of my head
I try to live without you, every time I do I feel dead
I know what's best for me
But I want you instead
I'll keep on wasting all my time
You make me think even more then I normally do and it’s frustrating that you can make me feel like this. Every time you make me think about something that you have done I will isolate myself and lock myself in my room. No one is allowed to come in, except for one person, Tao. He is the only person who can calm me down enough not to think about you or your doings for some time.
Every time I isolate myself I know I will want to see you. Wondering what you are doing now that you aren’t beside me. It will go like every other time. After some days you will come in without my permission, bringing me a new book. Then you will sit beside me, saying nothing, until I forgive you.
I don’t know why I give into you every time, again and again. It’s like I am becoming more and more obsessed with you. All those days that I haven’t seen you I keep telling myself that it’s better when you aren’t around me. But then you walk in and I realize that I don’t care what the best is for me.
I don’t care that we keep up this routine, because it’s almost becoming normal to me. Every time I wonder why I waste my time, trying to stay away from you. Because eventually you will come back to my side again.
Over and over, over and over
I fall for you
Over and over, over and over
I try not to
Over and over, over and over
You make me fall for you
Over and over, over and over
You don't even try to
Since everything that had happened between us, I have the feeling that I still don’t know you as good as you know me. Sometimes it makes me hate myself for not trying to get to know more about you. But sometimes I wonder why you don’t tell me something about yourself. I guess that lies in your nature.
I try to keep the promise I have made so many years ago, before we met. I find it harder and harder to keep it. Every day my resolves crumbles a little bit more. I don’t know when I will crumble and it scares me.
Because what will happen when I crumble? Will you be there for me like you said you would, without words? Or will you leave me alone, broken.
But I don’t have to wonder because I already have the answer to that question. When I do crumble I know that you will be there to pick up the pieces and put me back together. Only you will be able to that. I will not allow anyone else but you to put me back together.
After all, you made me break a promise I was never planning on breaking at all.
The End
Fandom: Viewfinder
Pairing: Yoh/Fei Long
Warning: songfic, angst
Summary: How Fei Long tries to come to terms with his feelings for one person.
Disclaimer: All characters belong to Yamane Ayano.
Note: It has been awhile since I last wrote somoething for Viewfinder, and I'm glad that I finally did. I used the song Over and Over from Three Days Grace for this fic. I hope you like it ^^
I feel it everyday it's all the same
It brings me down but I'm the one to blame
I've tried everything to get away
So here I go again
Chasing you down again
Why do I do this?
It is hard. To see you every day. Knowing that I did this to myself, like some sort of punishment. After everything that happened between us and I still have you around me. I decided that you shouldn’t be punished for everything that happened and above all you own feelings.
Someone once told me that we do not choose the person we love. That same person now has someone he loves, even though he doesn’t admit it. But I know he does, otherwise he wouldn’t have come all the way here to safe him and take him back home.
I was the one that decided that you should stay here and keep working for me. I tried to ignore you and pretend like you weren’t there, but you were. Every time you are near me I kept kind of nervous, wanting to get away from you. I’m afraid of what you do to me.
Do you even know what you do to me? If I’m honest I don’t even know why I want to keep you beside me and run away at the same time. It’s not natural to do something like this and yet I still do this.
Over and over, over and over
I fall for you
Over and over, over and over
I try not to
I try to keep myself in check when you are around me. Trying to be busy with work or something else, but it never works. I can’t help but notice that you go everywhere I go. Or am I imagining this? Is it because I’m doing something I promised to never do in my whole life?
I can’t help it. It’s even worse that I know I can’t do anything about it. It’s me who is feeling this yet it isn’t me. Again and again I try to ignore what is happening to me. I still don’t believe that I’m falling and I’m realizing that I’m falling hard. Something I promised not to do.
Yet it seems I have broken my promise.
It feels like everyday stays the same
It's dragging me down and I can't pull away
So here I go again
Chasing you down again
Why do I do this?
Yet since the moment I let you back in my life it didn’t seem like anything really had changed. Well, I have changed but I won’t let anyone see this. Except for the few people who know me well, know that something is different about me. When they ask about this I will ignore them or tell them that they are seeing things that aren’t there.
Somehow it pains me that nothing has changed. My feelings are telling me that I wanted a change. Only I do not exactly know what these feelings want. It’s hard not knowing what you want.
It isn’t like the first time that I don’t know what I want. But last time it was different. I was young and naïve. Now I’m not. I know better. At least I hope I do.
So here I am again, thinking about you and why I am doing this to myself. Why am I torturing myself? But I know the answer to that question. Now I only need to come to terms with it and eventually accept it.
I have to otherwise I will go mad.
Over and over, over and over
I fall for you
Over and over, over and over
I try not to
Over and over, over and over
You make me fall for you
Over and over, over and over
You don't even try
You don’t know how hard you make it to stay away from you. I try everything not to be alone with you. I do not know what I will do when we are alone. I’m afraid that something will happen that can never be righted again.
Sometimes I have the feeling that you know what you are doing to me. No, let me put it in another way, I know that you know what you are doing to me. I know for certain because of the way I sometimes see you looking at me. Every time I see that look in your eyes I shiver and try to hide the redness that will make its way on my face.
You try to break me. It’s like you exactly know which buttons to push. Then again you have known me for years, so you probably do. Yet it seems like you are doing nothing. Maybe I’m just imagining you trying to catch my attention. Maybe I just need to give you my attention, without you trying to.
It’s like you are trying to make me do things without really doing anything. But you know the effects it has on me. Not only that, you also keep doing the same things over and over. It seems like you try to monopolize me, without doing anything. Or am I just thinking that this is all happening? Is it just me?
So many thoughts that I can't get out of my head
I try to live without you, every time I do I feel dead
I know what's best for me
But I want you instead
I'll keep on wasting all my time
You make me think even more then I normally do and it’s frustrating that you can make me feel like this. Every time you make me think about something that you have done I will isolate myself and lock myself in my room. No one is allowed to come in, except for one person, Tao. He is the only person who can calm me down enough not to think about you or your doings for some time.
Every time I isolate myself I know I will want to see you. Wondering what you are doing now that you aren’t beside me. It will go like every other time. After some days you will come in without my permission, bringing me a new book. Then you will sit beside me, saying nothing, until I forgive you.
I don’t know why I give into you every time, again and again. It’s like I am becoming more and more obsessed with you. All those days that I haven’t seen you I keep telling myself that it’s better when you aren’t around me. But then you walk in and I realize that I don’t care what the best is for me.
I don’t care that we keep up this routine, because it’s almost becoming normal to me. Every time I wonder why I waste my time, trying to stay away from you. Because eventually you will come back to my side again.
Over and over, over and over
I fall for you
Over and over, over and over
I try not to
Over and over, over and over
You make me fall for you
Over and over, over and over
You don't even try to
Since everything that had happened between us, I have the feeling that I still don’t know you as good as you know me. Sometimes it makes me hate myself for not trying to get to know more about you. But sometimes I wonder why you don’t tell me something about yourself. I guess that lies in your nature.
I try to keep the promise I have made so many years ago, before we met. I find it harder and harder to keep it. Every day my resolves crumbles a little bit more. I don’t know when I will crumble and it scares me.
Because what will happen when I crumble? Will you be there for me like you said you would, without words? Or will you leave me alone, broken.
But I don’t have to wonder because I already have the answer to that question. When I do crumble I know that you will be there to pick up the pieces and put me back together. Only you will be able to that. I will not allow anyone else but you to put me back together.
After all, you made me break a promise I was never planning on breaking at all.
The End