(no subject)
oh wow first post of 2010 almost halfway into the year
i honestly don't have a whole lot to talk about lol i can't find a job, i'm going to odu in the fall, anddd hopefully i'll be hanging out with kathryn and/or sam and justin later this week? i hope one of those happens becauuussse i need to be friending around more often than i do
in other friend news i have been talking a lot to this girl i met via jh because where else do i meet people online and she is p fuckin cool and she and i nerd at each other a lot, totally fun
i spent the last four months or so writing steampunk shit and finally finished it and i am taking a break before i start writing something completely different next month. i'm gonna write one of two ideas that have been puttering around in my head for at least a year each anddd hopefully i am gonna send it off to try to get it published >>>>: which is completely terrifying, i cannot even express how scary it is. i know i am gonna be inundated with rejection letters no matter what happens, but i am trying to remind myself that even if i'm sending it out and not getting published, it's better than just letting it sit on my computer as a pdf where i know for a fact it won't get published. still incredibly scary. also i'm scared of editors, i don't want my shit to be changed. i don't want to hear "oh this should happen instead of this" or "maybe this character should be like this" or "maybe this character's name should change" or "this would be a lot better without _______." it's intimidating and it's uncomfortable and i don't want it ugh. i just. i really want something to get published because i am in a weird place right now where i feel like, even though i have fans, they are not as invested in what i do with the comic as they say they are or something? i just feel like i am devoting so much time to this thing and the level of appreciation is just way out of whack vis-a-vis how much effort i put into it. i don't want to stop doing it, i just wish i could be shown rather than told that it is loved and appreciated. i get so unreasonably jealous when i see other webcomics that i have never even heard of just coming out of nowhere and having these huge fanbases and i know it's totally stupid of me because a) that's the nature of the beast, b) jh is on smackjeeves as opposed to being its own website, and c) what do i even do to advertise it? nothing. i feel like a hack and a big fat baby. i have just been really self-conscious and nervous about my comicking lately. which is totally weird because i feel like my art is at an all-time high. :\
ugghhh but in other news
i have been making plushies??? because i am a total weeaboo??? i made a trilobite and gave it to my geology professor because i was in love with him >: he said it was really cool and i walked off shaking because i am eleven years old
i had to get rid of my blue hair and go back to being brown so i can find a job and i ammmm upset about it. but i can go back to something fun at the end of the summer, so i am looking forward to that.
i just got over being really sick. i feel like something's been going on with my body for a really long time, like ever since september when i got that big weird sinus thing. i've just felt really unbalanced or something, or just. i don't know, it's this kind of ongoing general malaise accompanied by this weird stuffy feeling. it makes me want to go outside but then when i do go outside, i start feeling even worse if i'm out longer than like, five or ten minutes. i just feel like something is off. i don't understand. and i can't get my sleep schedule back on track, no matter how hard i try. i can't get in bed before like 3:45am and i can't wake up before 11am and it is driving me crazy. i miss when i managed to get myself to be able to wake up early. i miss being well-rested.
i just. kind of all-around feel sort of weird right now, but maybe that's because it's 2:30am.
i honestly don't have a whole lot to talk about lol i can't find a job, i'm going to odu in the fall, anddd hopefully i'll be hanging out with kathryn and/or sam and justin later this week? i hope one of those happens becauuussse i need to be friending around more often than i do
in other friend news i have been talking a lot to this girl i met via jh because where else do i meet people online and she is p fuckin cool and she and i nerd at each other a lot, totally fun
i spent the last four months or so writing steampunk shit and finally finished it and i am taking a break before i start writing something completely different next month. i'm gonna write one of two ideas that have been puttering around in my head for at least a year each anddd hopefully i am gonna send it off to try to get it published >>>>: which is completely terrifying, i cannot even express how scary it is. i know i am gonna be inundated with rejection letters no matter what happens, but i am trying to remind myself that even if i'm sending it out and not getting published, it's better than just letting it sit on my computer as a pdf where i know for a fact it won't get published. still incredibly scary. also i'm scared of editors, i don't want my shit to be changed. i don't want to hear "oh this should happen instead of this" or "maybe this character should be like this" or "maybe this character's name should change" or "this would be a lot better without _______." it's intimidating and it's uncomfortable and i don't want it ugh. i just. i really want something to get published because i am in a weird place right now where i feel like, even though i have fans, they are not as invested in what i do with the comic as they say they are or something? i just feel like i am devoting so much time to this thing and the level of appreciation is just way out of whack vis-a-vis how much effort i put into it. i don't want to stop doing it, i just wish i could be shown rather than told that it is loved and appreciated. i get so unreasonably jealous when i see other webcomics that i have never even heard of just coming out of nowhere and having these huge fanbases and i know it's totally stupid of me because a) that's the nature of the beast, b) jh is on smackjeeves as opposed to being its own website, and c) what do i even do to advertise it? nothing. i feel like a hack and a big fat baby. i have just been really self-conscious and nervous about my comicking lately. which is totally weird because i feel like my art is at an all-time high. :\
ugghhh but in other news
i have been making plushies??? because i am a total weeaboo??? i made a trilobite and gave it to my geology professor because i was in love with him >: he said it was really cool and i walked off shaking because i am eleven years old
i had to get rid of my blue hair and go back to being brown so i can find a job and i ammmm upset about it. but i can go back to something fun at the end of the summer, so i am looking forward to that.
i just got over being really sick. i feel like something's been going on with my body for a really long time, like ever since september when i got that big weird sinus thing. i've just felt really unbalanced or something, or just. i don't know, it's this kind of ongoing general malaise accompanied by this weird stuffy feeling. it makes me want to go outside but then when i do go outside, i start feeling even worse if i'm out longer than like, five or ten minutes. i just feel like something is off. i don't understand. and i can't get my sleep schedule back on track, no matter how hard i try. i can't get in bed before like 3:45am and i can't wake up before 11am and it is driving me crazy. i miss when i managed to get myself to be able to wake up early. i miss being well-rested.
i just. kind of all-around feel sort of weird right now, but maybe that's because it's 2:30am.