Lonely and sad
Lonely and sad. Nothing to look forward too. Maybe it's just the fall depression, maybe not. I tried to write a story. It is in my mind, but I can not type it down. I see the chars, I see the places and all that, but when I want to write it down... nothing, like my whole life. A big, empty hole.
I fell in love again. And again, it is someone that is unreachable to me. Not only is he way too young, but he does not even know what he does to me when he smiles at me and tells me jokes and drinks with me in the bar. He knows I'm gay, I know he's not. For a straight guy he's very nice and likes to touch. Gives me hugs and kisses me hello wich lots of people look very strange at. He does not care. He likes me, but does not love me.
Lonely and sad. Avoiding more and more places with people. Not just because I could have a headache attacke anytime, but also, I don't know what to talk about. One of my shrinks said I have a slight social phobia. Great... but maybe true. I want someone to be nice to me. To take care of me when I fall down and lay on the floor screaming with pain. Someone that helds my head and tells me that all will be good.Someone to cuddle and kiss.
Lonely and sad and hiding from real life by reading slash stories about Henry and Mike, Dean and Sam and a few other unreal people. Loose myself in books about vampires, weres and other supernatural beeings. Books about other worlds and people that lead happier or worse lives than me.
Lonely and sad... seems the theme of my whole life.
I fell in love again. And again, it is someone that is unreachable to me. Not only is he way too young, but he does not even know what he does to me when he smiles at me and tells me jokes and drinks with me in the bar. He knows I'm gay, I know he's not. For a straight guy he's very nice and likes to touch. Gives me hugs and kisses me hello wich lots of people look very strange at. He does not care. He likes me, but does not love me.
Lonely and sad. Avoiding more and more places with people. Not just because I could have a headache attacke anytime, but also, I don't know what to talk about. One of my shrinks said I have a slight social phobia. Great... but maybe true. I want someone to be nice to me. To take care of me when I fall down and lay on the floor screaming with pain. Someone that helds my head and tells me that all will be good.Someone to cuddle and kiss.
Lonely and sad and hiding from real life by reading slash stories about Henry and Mike, Dean and Sam and a few other unreal people. Loose myself in books about vampires, weres and other supernatural beeings. Books about other worlds and people that lead happier or worse lives than me.
Lonely and sad... seems the theme of my whole life.