it's been a long time world
i feel like i'm lost. i feel like i'm all the bad patches of every outfit i've ever worn, if outfits were memories and grass-stains were mistakes. i feel rotten. i wonder what you wonder, i wonder what is wrong with me and how long will it last. i wonder if all those people i've hurt and neglected will ever really open their arms and hearts to me again or if these bridges are only cinders, never to be like a phoneix. what happened to me? even in all of my past poor decisions i still mananged to be fun, i feel like an ugly hollow shell of my former self. when did my inner child, my love of life, my wonder, when did it die. i don't feel worthy of those that love me, especially of those that love me most. i feel useless. i feel like all my second chances have been used up and i am not the sandpaper that rubs your least favorite nerve.
maybe i need to do positive affirmations, maybe i need therapy, maybe i need to stop thinking about it and "be the change i wish to see in the world" but will anyone believe me, will they help me, will it be enough. or will the world just be annoyed and wait for me to slip back into self loathing and crumudginism, will the world kick me one good i told you so when i'm down. why can't i use the question mark key
i need to find a way to love life again and to be less of a burden on everyone, i need to find all the good things people once loved me for and dust them off.
my soul needs some spring cleaning.
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Disclaimer, because it was auto saved from a long time ago, but i don't know if i posted it. see below
i think i might be moving, to myspace that is, i just find it more user friendly and there are more people on it, i don't really see the point of cross posting and i like looking at pictures. so if you're looking for my musings, find them there.... look me up under the email natalienothin@yahoo.com
maybe i need to do positive affirmations, maybe i need therapy, maybe i need to stop thinking about it and "be the change i wish to see in the world" but will anyone believe me, will they help me, will it be enough. or will the world just be annoyed and wait for me to slip back into self loathing and crumudginism, will the world kick me one good i told you so when i'm down. why can't i use the question mark key
i need to find a way to love life again and to be less of a burden on everyone, i need to find all the good things people once loved me for and dust them off.
my soul needs some spring cleaning.
____________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________
Disclaimer, because it was auto saved from a long time ago, but i don't know if i posted it. see below
i think i might be moving, to myspace that is, i just find it more user friendly and there are more people on it, i don't really see the point of cross posting and i like looking at pictures. so if you're looking for my musings, find them there.... look me up under the email natalienothin@yahoo.com