(no subject)

[natalienothin]

so it's come to my attention that i have no idea what i want to do with the rest of my life, but i don't know that i'm so crazy about being a teacher that's treated like a second class citizen. lets face it art, music and pe are just teachers for real teachers to have planning periods, no one really cares. i don't get an aide to help; organize, copy, label, plan etc. kids with disabilities that have totally coverage in the school have an aide stuck to them like glue in all the other areas of the school but when it comes to us... well a brand new kid with no problems comes to my room... you see the problem is we just don't have the man power, oh yeah and you don't matter. our rooms are taken, our budgets cut and any discipline problems in our rooms fall on deaf ears. we have a staff that turns it's cheek and doesn't support we have no leverage, can't take away recess or asign silent lunch, don't even think of sending them to the principal because that effects AYP. it's awesome. i think to myself would it be better to be a middle school teacher with less lessons and more planning, stipends for things extra, or would it be the same. am i a good enough artist for that, can i stand the "too cool for school" attitude. would i rather go back and get the junk done to join the ranks of "real teachers" or has the sol system in va sucked all the fun out of this profession with it's constant tests and acountability. pals, benchmarks, sols, cogat, those are jsut to name a few.

what the hell do i want to do for the rest of my life? you know i think i'd like to be an artist i think it'd like to be a mom.

wanna know a secret? i'm fucking terrified of the future. i trust in God it will all be ok, i'm just a little confused as to how.