Yep im back again...
Today was an alright day when i wasnt home. So i woke up to yelling again, ya know from the mother. And just did my thing, got ready for school and than walked out, than she came out and yelled because i didnt say good bye. Why did i not say goodbye. Because i didnt feel like getting bitched at again..But ya know today at school i realized a lot, i realized that the only time that i am really happy is when i am with my friends or buddy.. I use to be happy when i was with my sister and stuff, but now i dont really have anythign to say to her. I hope that i grow out of whatever stage i am in right now.. Because im at home a lot and its just so unhappy to me. i mean i have everything i need, and could want, but it just seems like somethings missing..
Its like something will happen at home, and i will leave the house crying or pissed or something but than i get to school and right away in first hour i juts forget about it. Its odd. Because when im at home its HUGE deal to me, and i cant stop thinkin about it but htan once i leave the house, i dont even think about it. Is that good or bad? A lot of things are changing in my life, in a good and bad way. For example today Sarah (my cousin) called me, that made my day! She wanted to know if i could go out to eat with her, my parents let me *suprise*suprise* So her and i went and cought up on a lot, it was great, i miss her a lot. So i hope that we do that every now and than. Than lets see what else.. Alex V. showed up at my door, that made my day too, i was suprised, shes a great friend, i can have fun with her! She straightened my ahir and i studied. God thats pathetic. THan my dad came home and said hi and stuff.. And since last night i had buddy over and i wasnt suppose too my mom told me that i cant do anythign until after exams. Which is 100% GAY! Because Exams are next week, I dont think she understands when you are 16 and you have a bf, you want to see him, and you have friends, you want to see them.. OUT OF SCHOOL! But the main part that im really upset about is that Allison told me on my last night for being iwth buddy.. I serisouly have never ever been so mad at her in my life, i always thought that she was a rally cool sister even though we fight and stuff, but now i just dont even really want to talk to her about anything anymore bc i dont know when she is just gonna get in a mood to tell her things. Thats why its good that i have a counsler bc i need to go to her RIGHT NOW! i have so much stuff goin on.. Well yesterday i got in trouble for having buddy over, i dont care right now.. i have other things on my mind than worrying about being grounded, mise well not fight it just take the punishment and move on.. Ive learned not to cry about everything , im very emotional.
Hmm... I miss writing in this, but i really can only write in it if i have something goin on in my life. I know all my mom wants is for me to move on with my "love Life:" which is my personal opinion and not be involved with anyone and just care about school, but i can state right now, and you can quote me on this.... Now that i am with buddy, i look back at the time that i was iwth justin and it isnt much to me, i wish that i would have met buddy earlier. So i want to make the best of it...But than i mean i make plans to hang out iwth steph and stuff, and it sucks bc my parents alwys ground me.. I mean yeah i mess up and stuff.. but i dont understand why they are grounding me about the things they are grounding me about.. Doesnt make sense to me at all.. Ahhh whatever.. I just think that i need to go take a nice hot bath and pick out my outfit for tomorrow, and relax, and talk to steph for a lil bit, and than when im layin in bed PRAY!!!!! (than talk to my baby for a good night) lol
Im tired and mad... and just wanna go away for the rest of the night... Yea my bed is the farthest place i will get but better than nothing! lol
*natalie joan*