(no subject)
Still out on my balcony as usual...I can see the crazy neighborhood kids up to their usual games and mountains in the background. This certainly isn't Illinois. I realize that I go through strange relationships with the state I live in. I think what I always interpreted as missing a certain place as I left may have just been my insane travel anxiety. I acted like a fool when I left Illinois for absolutely no reason. Now that I'm here I still feel embarassed by my behaviour but even more so because it was meaningless. In a drunken haze I gave a fuck and now I only do out of obligation. The person I really miss and care about certainly isn't the person I thought it would be. I don't think this semester will be anything like the last one...As shitty as that was I wish it was back to the same.