[Musings] FrankenBug
Well, got home after the session and just burts into tears for a bit, knew I had been nursing summin all day. Face is not as pockmarked as the last session or tester session, although its swollen and red in places. I so hate hate HATE having to do this, the lady is nice and pleasant, made me laugh when I got there with me pulling on my usual mask, but I cannot stand letting the hairs grow, hate the fact that until I finish this piss awful stuff I am not gonna have my lovely complexion back and gotta hide behind paint that makes me feel even worse and fake like.
I think I am in a downer in general all day, I tore into a bank guy who called me about midday to explain his decision to reverse charges to my account, summin just kicked me off and he got a whole case load of grieviences from me I want sorted and then I called mum as I thought I'd return her video player before my session but she was on her way to docs for more blood pressure tests as hers is too high. I couldn’t stop myself telling her how annoyed I was that she said she didn’t hear exactly what the doc said to her last time and her failure to ask him to repeat it, that if she was told anything that she didn’t understand or couldn’t hear correctly then she should ask for clarification, her ostrich behaviour irks me. She had said that the last time, a couple of weeks ago when she was tested a second time, that she was told something something stroke something, but was not clear whether the doc meant that mum was heading for a stroke or was fortunate to not have had one yet, two very different scenarios, but she asked nothing.
I played my guitar for 20mins or so before my session as I was wound up and still very tearful. All day I just wanted to throw things, break things, just go into a coma, cry lots, hurt myself, anything. Hope not like it tomorrow.
Defo getting bloods done tomorrow, Weds. Not eaten or drunken anything after 8pm tonight, gonna go get them done when I get up, get summin to eat and chew more AA's like candy as this hair shed cannot be normal, scared it aint a good sign and all nasty, gotta kill the shitty @ucking Testo!!!!!
Saw No2's lil boy tonight, he make me laugh as he is so playful. I went round after crying and having dinner after face had settled a bit. Will be cool if its better when I get up in 8 hours or so, I feel so freakin ugly and false at the mo, like a caricature.
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Posted by Buuuug to Musings at 3/15/2006 01:26:50 AM
I think I am in a downer in general all day, I tore into a bank guy who called me about midday to explain his decision to reverse charges to my account, summin just kicked me off and he got a whole case load of grieviences from me I want sorted and then I called mum as I thought I'd return her video player before my session but she was on her way to docs for more blood pressure tests as hers is too high. I couldn’t stop myself telling her how annoyed I was that she said she didn’t hear exactly what the doc said to her last time and her failure to ask him to repeat it, that if she was told anything that she didn’t understand or couldn’t hear correctly then she should ask for clarification, her ostrich behaviour irks me. She had said that the last time, a couple of weeks ago when she was tested a second time, that she was told something something stroke something, but was not clear whether the doc meant that mum was heading for a stroke or was fortunate to not have had one yet, two very different scenarios, but she asked nothing.
I played my guitar for 20mins or so before my session as I was wound up and still very tearful. All day I just wanted to throw things, break things, just go into a coma, cry lots, hurt myself, anything. Hope not like it tomorrow.
Defo getting bloods done tomorrow, Weds. Not eaten or drunken anything after 8pm tonight, gonna go get them done when I get up, get summin to eat and chew more AA's like candy as this hair shed cannot be normal, scared it aint a good sign and all nasty, gotta kill the shitty @ucking Testo!!!!!
Saw No2's lil boy tonight, he make me laugh as he is so playful. I went round after crying and having dinner after face had settled a bit. Will be cool if its better when I get up in 8 hours or so, I feel so freakin ugly and false at the mo, like a caricature.
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Posted by Buuuug to Musings at 3/15/2006 01:26:50 AM