(no subject)
i'm in a big rut and i need some advice.
i don't think i want to model anymore.
i'm not that happy or stable in la. i don't even like modeling that much.. it stresses me out. but i know i'd be really upset with myself if i stopped because i'll never know how far i could've gone.
and i know if i left la i'd miss my friends.. and the nightlife. but it kinda messes me up. and i'd probably start visiting graycie all the time again.
and i know how disappointed i would be with myself if i moved back to slo. along with everyone else.. it'd be a complete embarrassment. but i'm happy here. i don't want to leave.. i dread going back down south to live by myself and be lonely, and i'm scared i'll start drinking a lot again and just be completely unstable.
i know everyday i'm missing like 5 castings and that bugs me.. but what's the point of wasting my time going to these things when i barely ever book jobs. maybe i'm just not model material.. this is what i always wanted to do, and when i book jobs i like it, i love being in front of the camera and posing and learning and seeing myself on billboards and in magazines. but i don't know.. i wish i could just model and live in slo. but that's not an option.
ahhhh i don't know but i'm SOO STRESSED!! all day every day i can't stop thinking about this and it's driving me NUTS!!
i don't think i want to model anymore.
i'm not that happy or stable in la. i don't even like modeling that much.. it stresses me out. but i know i'd be really upset with myself if i stopped because i'll never know how far i could've gone.
and i know if i left la i'd miss my friends.. and the nightlife. but it kinda messes me up. and i'd probably start visiting graycie all the time again.
and i know how disappointed i would be with myself if i moved back to slo. along with everyone else.. it'd be a complete embarrassment. but i'm happy here. i don't want to leave.. i dread going back down south to live by myself and be lonely, and i'm scared i'll start drinking a lot again and just be completely unstable.
i know everyday i'm missing like 5 castings and that bugs me.. but what's the point of wasting my time going to these things when i barely ever book jobs. maybe i'm just not model material.. this is what i always wanted to do, and when i book jobs i like it, i love being in front of the camera and posing and learning and seeing myself on billboards and in magazines. but i don't know.. i wish i could just model and live in slo. but that's not an option.
ahhhh i don't know but i'm SOO STRESSED!! all day every day i can't stop thinking about this and it's driving me NUTS!!