Just a thought.
"That ceramic cup is similar to my skull;
When I held it tight in my hand,
a new arm sprung out of my own --
And the hand attached to that new arm lifted the cup full;
high into the air,
and hurled it down!
But then I see that in my hand,
I still hold the cup;
so what lies scattered on the floor,
never to be gathered up --
is my skull,
the one that looked so much like the ceramic cup!
Even if my arm had been able to act
Before the second arm recoiled like a snake;
The sheet of paper that held the flood back would have ripped, and my skull still break.
My rebellious arm! It still defends this deceitful cup!"
~Yi Sang
Today was eventful. Started off by waiting for my mom to come and give me a ride into town to go to a workshop for HOT. We did Men's Makeup today. I suck at Men's Makeup. This is why I always ask to do Women's. Regardless, it was fun. I was constantly taking pictures for our school yearbook, but I think it was pissing off the guy Josh that was working there too. Whatever. After, Hannah, Happy, and I split up. I walked over to catch the bus at Ala Moana, stopping by to see Debbie while she was at work.
Along the way to Shirokiya, I ran into Lance. Man, He's great, I wish we could hang out more. He's kinda like a long-lost big brother to me. When he was working at Mililani Gamestop, we'd always chat up a storm. but as of late, I've only seen him three times outside of work. Nevertheless, it was good to see him again. We made smalltalk and whatnot; he told me that Coca-Cola had a job opening for Ehren. (I should probably relay that message to my mom, if Lance didn't call her yet.)
On the bus ride home, I watched people as they piled themselves onto the bus, most bearing a blank expression plastered on their face. I began to wonder if their dreams came true. Did they believe in miracles? Did they realize when miracles unraveled before them? Are they happy with where they are and who they are now? A couple seemed content to rest in each other's arms, a man spoke on his cell phone for what seemed like hours. A little girl slept as an elderly woman stared blankly out the window. Were they happy? What was their dream? Was it just as nonsensical and unrealistic as mine?
In a world like this... I don't want to live in reality.
Flowers are an unpursued passion of mine; I'm too busy dealing with life. (And most people don't even know I love them.) My dream for the longest time was to make a beautiful garden with a little cafe that people could come and unwind in. I'd be away from the city lights, so that at night, the stars would fill every inch of the sky. I'd be able to see beautiful flowers everyday. I'd have my own family, and we'd all be happy together.
But dreams seldom come true.
Realistically, I'd like to be a teacher or a dentist, so I'd at least have some steady income. There's no future in planting daisies or pruning rosebushes.
I wonder if I'll always be stuck dreaming.
Fate is just; there's always a balance. I've had a relatively calm life so far; what does this tell me for the future? Will I never be able to understand real happiness? I'm often lonely, but seldom alone. Sometimes I feel people don't like to relate to me, trying to keep me at a distance. I have a bad habit to clinging to people who listen, which is something I think I need to work on. I'm afraid of pretty much everyone, and I have the hardest time asking people for things. How will I make it in life? I don't like thinking of myself as a doormat, but as days pass, I'm becoming more and more passive. I don't say what I feel because I'm afraid of conflict, especially around people I care about.
Maybe I don't know what "Life" is yet. Maybe I do. Maybe I'll never know.
Maybe I'll just have to wait and see what tomorrow holds.
When I held it tight in my hand,
a new arm sprung out of my own --
And the hand attached to that new arm lifted the cup full;
high into the air,
and hurled it down!
But then I see that in my hand,
I still hold the cup;
so what lies scattered on the floor,
never to be gathered up --
is my skull,
the one that looked so much like the ceramic cup!
Even if my arm had been able to act
Before the second arm recoiled like a snake;
The sheet of paper that held the flood back would have ripped, and my skull still break.
My rebellious arm! It still defends this deceitful cup!"
~Yi Sang
Today was eventful. Started off by waiting for my mom to come and give me a ride into town to go to a workshop for HOT. We did Men's Makeup today. I suck at Men's Makeup. This is why I always ask to do Women's. Regardless, it was fun. I was constantly taking pictures for our school yearbook, but I think it was pissing off the guy Josh that was working there too. Whatever. After, Hannah, Happy, and I split up. I walked over to catch the bus at Ala Moana, stopping by to see Debbie while she was at work.
Along the way to Shirokiya, I ran into Lance. Man, He's great, I wish we could hang out more. He's kinda like a long-lost big brother to me. When he was working at Mililani Gamestop, we'd always chat up a storm. but as of late, I've only seen him three times outside of work. Nevertheless, it was good to see him again. We made smalltalk and whatnot; he told me that Coca-Cola had a job opening for Ehren. (I should probably relay that message to my mom, if Lance didn't call her yet.)
On the bus ride home, I watched people as they piled themselves onto the bus, most bearing a blank expression plastered on their face. I began to wonder if their dreams came true. Did they believe in miracles? Did they realize when miracles unraveled before them? Are they happy with where they are and who they are now? A couple seemed content to rest in each other's arms, a man spoke on his cell phone for what seemed like hours. A little girl slept as an elderly woman stared blankly out the window. Were they happy? What was their dream? Was it just as nonsensical and unrealistic as mine?
In a world like this... I don't want to live in reality.
Flowers are an unpursued passion of mine; I'm too busy dealing with life. (And most people don't even know I love them.) My dream for the longest time was to make a beautiful garden with a little cafe that people could come and unwind in. I'd be away from the city lights, so that at night, the stars would fill every inch of the sky. I'd be able to see beautiful flowers everyday. I'd have my own family, and we'd all be happy together.
But dreams seldom come true.
Realistically, I'd like to be a teacher or a dentist, so I'd at least have some steady income. There's no future in planting daisies or pruning rosebushes.
I wonder if I'll always be stuck dreaming.
Fate is just; there's always a balance. I've had a relatively calm life so far; what does this tell me for the future? Will I never be able to understand real happiness? I'm often lonely, but seldom alone. Sometimes I feel people don't like to relate to me, trying to keep me at a distance. I have a bad habit to clinging to people who listen, which is something I think I need to work on. I'm afraid of pretty much everyone, and I have the hardest time asking people for things. How will I make it in life? I don't like thinking of myself as a doormat, but as days pass, I'm becoming more and more passive. I don't say what I feel because I'm afraid of conflict, especially around people I care about.
Maybe I don't know what "Life" is yet. Maybe I do. Maybe I'll never know.
Maybe I'll just have to wait and see what tomorrow holds.