(no subject)
life has been confusing me a lot lately. im so lonely and desperate for someone but for some fucked up reason i have the inability to get close to anyone. i cant tell if i love my friends or hate them. i just have no idea whats going on with my body and cannot handle they way ive been feeling lately. im trying to cut back smoking ciggys and weed but who knows how long htat will last cause despite the fact that my body desperatly needs a break i know my mind needs those constant sources of escape. life has just been dissapointing me lately. i go out every day with hope for an exciting day but every night i come home and cant help but think that i could have been happier if i had just slept all day. i know that im being rediculous and annoying but i cant help it. im starting to hate myself again. my friends have helped me realize that i am always either obnoxiously drunk or just acting like a total bitch. fuck! not only am i getting progressivly uglier each day but i dont even have a positive attitude or pleasant personality to back me up. i wish i could feel the way i did when i was in rehab. my skin was clear, i wasnt a total fat ass, and i was so god damn happy and appreiciative of my life. fuck drugs i hate them soooo much.