Positive
“Hey, Danny?”
Det. Danny Williams looked up from the forms he was signing, “Steven. You know what I hate worse than paperwork?” McGarrett didn’t get a chance to respond. “Filing. I’d hate to be the person who has to do the audits. And why are we still filing actual paper copies, anyways. I thought we were a paperless society. Seems we have even more paperwork since everything has gone ‘paperless.’”
Steve smirked. It was a common Danny rant. What was more, he agreed totally with Danny. Truth be told, Danny hated filling out forms and the seemingly endless paperwork just as much as Steve, if not more. He was just more experience in the ‘Art of Form Completion and BS.’ Usually, Steve could egg Danny on by making comments about his ‘goofy thumbs’ and having to redo the forms several time due to spelling mistakes. It had to be perfect or Danny wouldn’t turn it in. Right now, Steve didn’t have the time or the inclination to extend Danny’s rant; he wanted to get over to Tripler.
Sensing McGarrett’s mood, Williams said, “However, I don’t think you dropped by my office to discuss the merits of a paperless society. What’s up? New case?”
“Nah. I know you were getting ready to leave shortly,” Steve really hated to do this to Danny, “but can you hang out here for a while longer? At least until you have to go pick up Grace. I have to duck out for a while.”
“Steven, the Governor wanted those reports today. You can’t tell me you’ve managed to get all of yours done in such a short period.”
“No, I haven’t-“
“Then, pray tell, why are you ‘ducking out’?” Danny demanded, exasperated, putting air quotes around ‘ducking out’ to emphasize what he thought McGarrett was doing-avoiding the necessary paperwork. “I’m not going to finish them for you! You can forget it, McGarrett. You’ve had plenty of time.” Now, Danny was just pissed. It wasn’t like McGarrett didn’t have time to do the reports; he just didn’t want to do them. Tough shit! He only got Grace a few hours a month and Danny was damned if he was going to do his partner’s paperwork for him, during his Monkey’s weekend.
Steve was hurt. “I wasn’t asking you to, Danny. I have to run over to Tripler-“
“Tripler? That’s the hospital, isn’t it?”
“Yeah.”
Williams’ attitude turned 180º as soon as he heard Steve was going to Tripler. “What’s wrong?” Danny asked, concerned.
“Nothing.”
“You have a friend in the hospital?”
Steve sighed, “No. Can you just stay here at the office, please? Just until you need to go pick Grace up. I should be back by then.” I hope.
A dismissive hand wave, “Yeah, yeah.” Danny narrowed his eyes, studying his friend, “Are you OK?”
“Yeah. It’s-“Steve wasn’t sure how much he wanted to share…hell, there wasn’t much to share. “A nurse called from there, said that there was a problem with my last blood work and they wanted me to come in and redo it.”
“Blood work? Wasn’t the last time you were at Tripler when you, ah-“ Danny stumbled over what to say. Steve’s time in prison and subsequent escape was still a touchy subject. The last time he had been at Tripler was just after he had been exonerated. Danny clearly remembers when Steve collapsed in H50 HQ after the case from infection from the stab wound he had received from Hesse. Steve was initially treated at Queen’s but then transferred to Tripler for continued treatment. His physical evaluation to return to H50 duty and the SEALS was completed through Tripler. “That was over three months ago!”
Danny could see Steve doing the math in his head. “Someone probably just got around to filing the results,” he joked. Unconvincingly.
Danny was skeptical, “Yeah. Are you sure you’re OK? You want me to go with you?”
Steve snorted. “No. I’m fine, Danny. It’s just a blood test.”
“OK…if you’re sure.” It was more of a question.
“I’m sure. As a matter of act, why don’t you head over to my place as soon as you pick up Grace? If I’m not back, just get everything started,” Steve suggested, handing Danny his house key. Why don’t I just give everyone on the team a key? They spend a lot of time at the house. Kind of reminds me of when I was a kid, before mom died. All the neighborhood kids were always over at our house. They didn’t even knock.
Danny didn’t like that Steve was going over to Tripler alone; something was just pinging as wrong, but Steve said it was just a blood test. “Sounds great. But I still think this was planned by you to get out of those reports.”
Steve just glared at Danny before heading out. A parting shot, “I still have to come back and do them.”
*****H50*****
Danny was worried. Two and half hours later, he had not heard from Steve and it was nearing time to pick up his Monkey from school. Despite his initial worry for Steve, Danny accomplished a lot in those hours. Danny shut down his computer for the second time that day, leaving a note for Steve.
*****H50*****
Steve was getting nervous. Laura had said Dr Ong wanted to talk with him after he got his blood drawn. Anytime a doctor wanted to speak with you was not good. He finally had been put in an exam room and told Dr Ong would be with him ‘shortly.’ Shortly, my ass. That was over an hour ago. Looking at his watch, Steve sighed; it was already 4 PM. Patience was not his forte. I guess I need to call Danny. He can let the others know I might be late. Steve groaned. Hell, I still need to get that report done that the Governor wanted. I need to call him, too. Let him know the damn thing won’t be done by 5 PM.
As Steve pulled his phone out call the Governor, Dr Ong entered the room. “Cmdr McGarrett. Sorry to keep you waiting. I had to work you in between my appointments. I hope you understand.”
No. Not really. But instead, he said, “Of course, Dr Ong. Your nurse, Laura, called me; state I needed to come down and retake a blood test. She said there was a problem with my last one and you need to speak with me.”
“Yes, I’m not sure how to tell you this…It never gets any easier.”
Steve wasn’t just nervous. Now, he was down right scared. “I’ve been told the best way is to just tell me.” Joking was Steve’s way of coping, but he honestly couldn’t some up with anything else to say.
“Right. Of course.” Dr Ong took a deep breath. “Well, Cmdr McGarrett, your last blood test came back positive for HIV. We even did a Western Blot to make sure. But because of your overall low risk behavior, we decided to get another blood sample.”
Steve sat staring at the doctor, stunned, trying to digest what he was just told. “HIV?”
“Yes. Don’t be too alarmed. This might be a false positive, but we will get you started on antivirals immediately, just in case.”
“Just in case.” Steve knew he was parroting but he just couldn’t process the fact he could have HIV.
“However, I need to ask some additional questions; they are going to be personal and you may be embarrassed by them, but please answer them as honestly as possible.”
“Of course.” Where could I have been exposed? The only person I’ve been with is - “OMG! Cath. I need to tell Cath.”
Dr Ong had a good idea of the relationship between McGarrett and this Cath person, but she asked, “Who is Cath?”
“She’s -“ A long pause. How do I define my relationship with Catherine? “She’s a friend with benefits,” he finally said, blushing.
“Ah. You can call her from in here. I can stay and help answer any questions she may have, but…she will need to get tested, too.”
“That may be a little hard for, but, yeah, I’d like for you to stay.” How do you tell your ‘friend’ that she’s been exposed to HIV?
*****H50*****
Over the next one and half hours, Dr Ong painstakingly asked questions (many which caused Steve to blush) and went over the information Steve needed to know about HIV and the antiretrovirals she was prescribing for him. They also contacted Catherine, who took the news relatively well. She promised to get herself tested. Steve wished she weren’t so far away. Catherine had been worried about Steve. “Hey, sailor, don’t worry about me. OK? Take care of yourself. Everything will be all right,” she told him before hanging up.
*****H50*****
Dr Ong insisted Steve go straight home, which is why Steve was currently sitting in his truck, in his own driveway, dreading going inside. *You’ve had quite a shock. Go home, take the medication and rest.* His team had already arrived. Probably everything is almost done.He didn't want to be near anyone (including his team), to digest what had happened; to come to grips with the doctor’s diagnosis. Face it, you want to wallow in your guilt and misery.
A tap on the driver’s window startled Steve. “Hey, princess! You coming in sometime in the near future? Dinner’s almost done and Grace is wondering where her ‘Uncle Steve’ is. I don’t want to have to send her out here after you. My Gracie can get very vicious if her dinner gets cold.”
The normalacy of Danny’s vociferousness made Steve want to smile and cry at the same time. Get it together! You don’t know anything for sure.
Danny saw the tumble of emotions pass over Steve’s face. It concerned him that the one his partner settled on was one of sadness. I wonder what happened. “Is everything OK?”
Before Steve or Danny could say anything else, Grace came bounding out the front door. “Dan-no! Uncle Chin says the are- Uncle Steve!” she yelling, bounding over to the truck. “You’re home!”
Steve couldn’t help but smile. Grace’s enthusiasm and love for him was infectious. Getting out of the truck and down to her level, “Yep.” He got down to her level to receive and return Grace’s hug. In a soto voice, Steve said, “ I figured I’d better get home…your dad and Uncle Chin are cooking.”
Grace giggled at Steve’s implication. “Uncle Steve!” The scold wasn’t serious.
“Oh, I see how it’s going to be,” Danny complained to Steve. “That’s my girl. Stand up for your old dad.”
“Plus, I wanted to see you, my favorite girl,” Steve told Grace, receiving another giggle in return.
“What took you so long? Did you fall asleep doing those reports? I know they are boring, but-“
Steve interrupted Danny, standing abruptly. “Oh, shit!”
“Whoa! Whoa! Language. Young person here,” Danny reminded his partner, pointing at Grace.
“Uh…right. Sorry Gracie.”
“Don’t worry about it Uncle Steve.” Grace studied her ‘uncle.’ She knew something was wrong, but he was trying to act like there wasn’t. “What’s wrong, Uncle Steve?”
“Nothing, Grace.”
“Yes, there is. Or you wouldn’t say bad words.”
Steve looked down at Grace. “I forget how smart you are,” he said, tweaking her nose.
“I’m not a little kid!”
“No. No, you’re not.”
Danny could also tell his partner was trying to hide something. “So, answer her question. What’s wrong?”
Steve looked at Danny with a look boarding on irritation. “Nothing.” McGarrett wondered how much to tell his partner. He knew he couldn’t say anything about his diagnosis-not with Grace around. “I - I forgot to call the Governor.” Seeing Danny’s confused look, he continued, “I just finished at Tripler. I haven’t gotten around to finishing my reports.”
“Just finished?!”
“Yep. Came straight from there.”
Now Danny definitely worried. Factoring in travel time, Danny glanced at his watch, “A simple blood test takes over 5 ½ hours?!”
“The doctor wanted to talk to me and she had to work me in between her other appointments.” It wasn’t quite a lie.
“Are you OK?”
Before McGarrett could answer, Chin came out of the house. “There you are! Danny -“ Attention turning to Steve, “Oh, good, you made it. I was just coming to let Danny know the fish is on the grill and about ready. So are the steaks. So, I hope you are hungry.”
*****H50*****
Danny watched his partner throughout dinner. Steve had eaten and drank very little; he was quieter than normal. Even Grace’s attempts to pull Steve into the conversations eventually fell flat. Danny watched as Steve got up from the table with his glass, heading into the house. I’ll give him a few minutes, then go after him.
“Danno?
“Yes, monkey?”
“May I go get dessert?
“You’re still hungry?” Danny teased, poking at Grace.
“Dan-no! I’ve always got room for cookies,” Grace declared.
“OK. You can have two.” With that statement, Grace raced off into the house. She knew exactly where the cookies were in the kitchen, even if her Danno and aunt and uncles tried to hide them.
*****H50*****
Steve made his way to the kitchen. He really wasn’t hungry but knew he would need something in his stomach before taking his medication. I can’t even have a beer. This is so totally unfair!
Steve set the glass down, hard enough to shatter. He stood there in shock, glass on the counter top and bleeding from several cuts. The sight of blood shocked him further. Fascinated by the thought the liquid could be deadly. Granted, he knew looks could be deceiving, but still…
“Uncle Steve!” cried Grace, hearing the shattering glass and seeing the blood dripping from Steve’s hand. “Are you OK?” she asked, coming over to where Steve was standing at the counter.
“I’m fine, Grace.”
“But you’re bleeding!”
“Hey, hey, don’t worry; it’s just a little cut. I’ll be fine,” Steve tried to reassure Grace, despite his feelings. Reaching for some of the bigger pieces of glass to clean up, he sliced his palm. “Damn!” Steve exclaimed. Mad at himself for being so clumsy, inattentive, Steve threw the piece of glass in the trash harder than he should have.
“Don’t worry, Uncle Steve. I’ll help you.”
Turning around, Steve saw Grace reaching for the glass. Glass that had his blood on it. “No!” Steve shouted.
The sudden exclamation from Steve, in a tone Grace rarely heard, startled the young girl. Jerking her hands back, “But I want to help!”
All Steve could think about was Grace getting sick. She deserved a long, happy life. He knew Danny had been giving him suspicious glances all night; it grated on his nerves. Between his diagnosis, having to tell Catherine, and then Danny’s looks - Steve couldn’t stand it any longer. His temper flared. “No, dammit! I don’t need your help!” I need for everyone to leave me alone. Thinking about Catherine, his mood soured even further. Everyone I love gets sick or dies. Everyone needs to stay away from me.
Grace’s eyes were filled with tears and wide as saucers. “Y - y - yes, Uncle Steve,” she stuttered. Turning around, Grace ran out of the kitchen crying.
Great, Steve. Make Gracie cry. Danny’s gonna kill me. Steve proceeded to clean up the mess in the kitchen.
*****H50*****
Danny had heard glass breaking, and when Grace ran out of the house, hugging him and crying, he automatically assumed she was upset about breaking something. Getting down to his daughter’s level and holding her face in his hands, “Hey, hey! Grace. Monkey, what’s wrong, huh? Did you break something? You know Steve wouldn’t be mad at you if it was an accident.”
“N - no,” Grace hiccupped.
“No, you didn’t break something? No, you didn’t know Uncle Steve wouldn’t be mad at you? No, exactly what, Sweetie.”
“Uncle Steve -“
“I promise you Uncle Steve won’t be mad at you for accidentally breaking something.”
“No!” Grace took a deep breath, realizing she needed to explain more. “Uncle Steve is mad at me. And I was only trying to help. I want to go home!” she sobbed.
“OK. OK. Why don’t I go talk to Steve?” Danny said, comforting his little girl.
“No. I want to go home, Danno!”
“Alright. Alright. Look, I still have to talk to your Uncle Steve before we leave. Why don’t you go get your stuff together? I’m sure Kono and Chin would help,” Danny said, pointing to the beach area where Grace’s thing were strewn. “I’ll go talk to Steve while you are getting your things together , and then we’ll go home. OK?”
“OK,” Grace reluctantly agreed.
I’m going to kill him for making my baby girl cry.
As Danny got up to find Steve, Chin caught his eye, “He’s been very quiet this evening. He only ate a few bites at dinner, too.” It was Chin’s way of saying, ‘there is something wrong with the Boss.’
Danny nodded his understanding. Something is wrong. Very wrong. The thought only slightly diminished his anger. He made my baby girl cry.
*****H50*****
Steve heard Danny as he entered the house. I’d recognize those angry footsteps anywhere. The footsteps stopped, and Steve could feel Danny staring at him from the doorway. Steve turned around, “Dan-“
“Don’t. Just don’t. I don’t know what your problem is. At this point, I don’t care. You made my baby girl cry. Cry, McGarrett. For what? For breaking something?! Then trying to help clean it up?! She is a little girl. Accidents happen! You need to apologized to her. Then we are going home.”
“I know. I’m sorry Danny - “
“Don’t apologize to me. OK, to me, too, but especially to Grace.”
“I know, Danny. I broke the glass and Grace was just trying to help. She just got to close to the glass. I didn’t want her to cut herself and get - “ Taking a deep breath to compose himself, Steve continued, “I didn’t mean to snap at her.”
Danny finally got a good look at his partner in the light. He was pale and - “Steve! You’re bleeding! What did you do? Cut yourself? Of course you did.”
Still looking numbly at his palm where he’d cut it open on the glass, “Uh, yeah.”
“Well, let’s get it bandaged; make sure there is no glass in the wound.” All pretenses of anger was gone.
“No! I - I’ll do it,” Steve practically shouted, snatching his hand as far away from Danny as possible, as Danny moved to grab his hand.
“Whoa! Ok, you do it. While you play doctor, I’ll get this glass cleaned up.”
“No!”
“No?”
“No, I’ll get it. Just…I’ll explain everything as soon as I can. Trust me, please.” Seeing Danny’s hesitant affirmative nod, Steve pleaded, “Please, just go back outside with Grace - OK? I promise, I will explain everything.”
“OOOOOOOO-K. I trust you, but you will need to tell us what the problem is and soon.”
“I don’t have a problem.”
“Yes. Yes, you do. Otherwise you would not have yelled at my daughter, and you would allow me to help you.”
“It’s not nec - “
Danny was now in full rant mode. “Other factors in evidence - 1) you’ve been extremely quiet this evening. More than your average Steven McGarrett quiet. 2) This whole shindig was your idea, and yet, you’ve barely eaten two bites this evening. 3) You haven’t had a beer. That, in and of itself is scary. And 4) you’re extremely pale. As a matter of fact, you look sick.
“I - I’m,” Steve stuttered, “I look sick?”
“Yes, my friend, sick.”
“Oh.”
“Oh?! Is that all you have to say? Contrary to what you believe; you are going to tell me, a detective, someone who - I dunno - detects things for a living, and the rest of the team, that you are fine. I don’t think so, my friend.” Danny gave Steve his ‘you really think I’m that stupid, I know all your tricks’ look.
Sighing, Steve considered his options. Danny, Chin, and Kono were not only his co-workers but his friends. Coming to decision, “Danny please let me get this. As soon as I’m done, I’ll explain everything. I just don’t want to have to explain this more than once.”
Danny looked at Steve skeptically but figured the SEAL would uphold his end of the bargain. “OK, but I’m going to hold you to it. THIS evening.”
“That’s fine.” Watching Danny turn back toward the lanai, “Danny?”
“Yeah?”
Very hesitantly, Steve asked, “Could you phone the Governor. He needs to hear this, too.”
Now, Danny was worried. “Sure. Are you sure you’re all right?”
“As well as I can be, Danno.” As well as I can be.
*****H50*****
Less than an hour later, Governor Dennison joined Steve, Chin, Kono, Danny, and Grace in the living room.
“Steve, is it OK?” Danny motioned toward Grace.
“Uh - “ Steve wasn’t really sure. Grace was a smart girl, but that was exactly what she was - a child. Maybe it would be better if Danny and he explained it to her later.
“I want to stay!”
Steve studied Grace. “OK, but Grace, what I am going to say may upset you.”
Grace studied Steve just as intently. “OK.”
“If you don’t understand something, just let me or your Danno know. We will try to explain it to you. OK?”
“OK, Uncle Steve,” she said sincerely. “Can I ask questions?”
“Of course, you can, Sweetie.”
Grace quickly looked over at her father, before turning her attention back to Steve. “Then I want to hear what Uncle Steve has to say.”
*****H50*****
20 minutes later…
Steve finally finished his explanation.
“Is that why you got mad at me when I tried to help clean up the glass?” Grace had climbed down from Danny’s lap, to stand in front of Steve, placing her tiny hands a top his.
Oh, god. She is too young to deal with this shit. “Grace.” Steve wasn’t sure what to say. “Gracie, I - I wasn’t mad at you,” he said, trying to unsuccessively extract his hands from under her. “I just didn’t want you to get hurt. Or sick.” Grace had turned his hand over and was staring at it, as though she could see the cut, or maybe the virus, in his hand beneath the bandage. “I was scared. Am scared,” Steve whispered almost inaudible to everyone but Grace.
“I am, too, Uncle Steve,” Grace whispered back. “But Danno will help us not be afraid.”
Steve looked at Grace for a moment before drawing her into a tight hug. “Yeah, I think he just might,” Steve chocked out. I won’t be alone.
*****H50*****
6 months later…
Steve walking into 5-0 HQ, smiling.
“I take it the news is good.”
“Yep. This last one was negative, too.”
Danny let out a breath he didn’t even know he was holding. “That’s great!” Kono looked like she was about to cry and Chin clapped his back.
“Yes, it is good news. As the Boss, I say we take the rest of the day off. Celebrate. I know I could use a beer or two, after this.”
“So, did the doctor say why you tested positive in the first place?” asked Danny.
“She thought it could be because of a combination of factors. I had just had the flu shot, have had several transfusions, and remember I got sick with the flu right about a month after I was released. She said each one of those factors could cause a false positive alone. That’s why she wanted to retest me several times and have me take the prophylactics. I’m just glad I’m done taking those things.”
“So are we, Boss. So are we.”
“My place, one hour. Team night. I don't won't to celebrate alone,” said Steve. “Don’t bring anything. Danny, see if Rachel will let Grace come.” I' m no alone. Was never alone.
The End