[travel] The Jordanian dating scene:
I asked a hotshot young taxi driver about what it was liike to be a single guy in Jordan looking for love.
Here's what I learned:
According to him, there are two types of women... the ones men have sex with and the ones they marry.
It's hard to meet both kinds.
The former are basically a man's dirty secret... as a man, you don't tell your family about them, and you wouldn't want to tell your guy friends about them because other guys are "competition". You don't want to get seen in public with them, as anyone might tell your friends and family. So the entire relationship must be carried on as a secret affair in car seats, camp tents, and cheap motels far from their hometowns.
The latter type of woman is elusive. Generally men can only have short conversations with them to gauge mutual interest, followed by a request to the woman's father for permission to date. If this if granted (and it involves a resume-like presentation of whether they are marriage material), then the two potential lovebirds can meet in relatively crowded public places such as restaurants and parks. Due to cultural restrictions, on public displays of affection, these dates are generally limited to pure conversation, and the dating period can go on for several years. Dowries from the young men to the bride's family are still common, so the woman's parents often won't let her go until the man has proved his earning potential. Depending on the situation, there may be some fudging on the “no sexual activity before marriage” rule... however, in order to preserve the sacred virginity, the man will sometimes convince the woman to have anal sex.
However, the women from the former category who do have sex before marriage are basically regarded as spoiled. They basically have no option except to marry a very low-status man, stay unmarried, or emigrate. Well, there is another option. The women can have re-virginization surgery, which sews her up so that she looks like a virgin.
Apparently the cab driver would be fine with marrying a woman who had been surgically re-virginized, even if he knew about it, but would not marry a non-virgin. It's not because his family or hers would think less of it. It's is personal preference.
I asked him what the difference was, and he said that he could not figure out how to explain it to a foreigner. It's just a religious thing.
It's true that in the US (on average) men tend to want to have sex with “easy” women but marry women who present more of a “challenge”. Thus women are typically advised not to sleep with men on the first date. However, traditional Muslim society takes this spread to hypocritical extremes. The women who provide men the only outlet for their sexual urges prior to marriage are villified.
Ultimately I think that many social rules that deny people their natual urges (instead of harnessing them in productive ways) end up having a variety of negative consequences.
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Later I learned that discussion of sex is taboo in traditional Muslim society. Oops.
He started it though... after hearing a song by Shakira on the radio, he informed me of his urgent (and unfulfilled) desire to apply his tongue to her posterior, and demonstrated the technique with which he would endeavor to do so. I'd bet he'd skip the virgins-only requirement to marry *her*.
Here's what I learned:
According to him, there are two types of women... the ones men have sex with and the ones they marry.
It's hard to meet both kinds.
The former are basically a man's dirty secret... as a man, you don't tell your family about them, and you wouldn't want to tell your guy friends about them because other guys are "competition". You don't want to get seen in public with them, as anyone might tell your friends and family. So the entire relationship must be carried on as a secret affair in car seats, camp tents, and cheap motels far from their hometowns.
The latter type of woman is elusive. Generally men can only have short conversations with them to gauge mutual interest, followed by a request to the woman's father for permission to date. If this if granted (and it involves a resume-like presentation of whether they are marriage material), then the two potential lovebirds can meet in relatively crowded public places such as restaurants and parks. Due to cultural restrictions, on public displays of affection, these dates are generally limited to pure conversation, and the dating period can go on for several years. Dowries from the young men to the bride's family are still common, so the woman's parents often won't let her go until the man has proved his earning potential. Depending on the situation, there may be some fudging on the “no sexual activity before marriage” rule... however, in order to preserve the sacred virginity, the man will sometimes convince the woman to have anal sex.
However, the women from the former category who do have sex before marriage are basically regarded as spoiled. They basically have no option except to marry a very low-status man, stay unmarried, or emigrate. Well, there is another option. The women can have re-virginization surgery, which sews her up so that she looks like a virgin.
Apparently the cab driver would be fine with marrying a woman who had been surgically re-virginized, even if he knew about it, but would not marry a non-virgin. It's not because his family or hers would think less of it. It's is personal preference.
I asked him what the difference was, and he said that he could not figure out how to explain it to a foreigner. It's just a religious thing.
It's true that in the US (on average) men tend to want to have sex with “easy” women but marry women who present more of a “challenge”. Thus women are typically advised not to sleep with men on the first date. However, traditional Muslim society takes this spread to hypocritical extremes. The women who provide men the only outlet for their sexual urges prior to marriage are villified.
Ultimately I think that many social rules that deny people their natual urges (instead of harnessing them in productive ways) end up having a variety of negative consequences.
---------------------
Later I learned that discussion of sex is taboo in traditional Muslim society. Oops.
He started it though... after hearing a song by Shakira on the radio, he informed me of his urgent (and unfulfilled) desire to apply his tongue to her posterior, and demonstrated the technique with which he would endeavor to do so. I'd bet he'd skip the virgins-only requirement to marry *her*.