Class, or lack there of
*sigh* I really have a problem.
I have a major problem with skipping school. I just don't go.
It went from skipping the occasional class here last semester, to skipping full weeks this semester. Now, I usually only go if I have a test that day.
I don't know why I do it.
It's not like I have anything better to do.
Most of the time I just wake up at noon. Usually I've already missed a class, but I have enough time to make it to my 2 o'clock, or my 4o'clock class.
But lately, I just won't go. Before I had an excuse, like weather, or lack of preparation. Now, I have no excuses, I just don't go.
This has been a problem for me for a while, but I'm getting worse and worse.
And I don't know how to get back on track.
I just need to want to go to school, want to succeed, and want to accomplish things. Right now I really don't care. I think it's a maturity thing, I'm just not mature enough to sit through a class just cuz I know it's good for me, even if it is really boring.
So I was thinking about taking a semester off in the fall.
But that would probably mess a lot of things up.
First of all, my parents don't know anything about this problem. If I tell them then I get in trouble, big trouble, but if I don't tell them they probably won't understand why I want to take a semester off. Even if I do tell them, they might not let me do it. Maybe there is a way to convince them without actually telling them anything.
The other problem is that me not being there for that semester will probably mean that I can't go study abroad in HK in the Spring. I need to ask someone but I'm pretty sure you need to be an active student to go abroad, and I wouldn't be active.
Also, it delays my graduation yet ANOTHER semester. And I don't even know if I'm going to be changed at all when I get back into school.
But If I did take some time off I'd get a job and save up money to pay for my own tuition. This could be good or bad. It could be good cuz maybe i won't want to waster my own money, on the other hand i could also see myself saying, well it's my money and if i want to waste it i can.
Maybe a really painful job will get me into shape. Last summer I lifted beer until my back was killing me, and for the first few months of school I was great. But after thanksgiving I kinda started going downhill again. So I don't know how to make my motivation last.
But I could see myself finding a job and then liking it. I'm at the stage where my resume is decent. I could get a job at Best Buy and be happy with the employee discount for a while. This could be very bad, cuz 1: I'd be working at Best Buy, 2: I'd be happy there and not want to go back to school in a reasonable amount of time, 3: I would spend all of my money.
And If I found a job decent desk job and made a decent (but still kinda low) amount of money, I could see myself wanting to stay there.
So I don't know what I need to do. I'm kinda out of ideas.
Manda suggested that I get a personal tutor for all of my classes. Less to teach me, but more just to keep me on track with classes. Cuz usually I can do pretty good even if I just go and listen. And the tutor would pretty much just make sure that I go to class. This could work cuz all he/she would have to do is ask me every day what I did, and if I BSed, then he/she would hopefully know and make me feel bad about it. But this can only work if he/she is good enough to notice, I for some reason really wouldn't want to let this person down, and if there was some consequence for me misbehaving. And this person can't be close to me, cuz if Manda, or my mother were this person, then I'd just get pissed off and underachieve even more. Yea its a weird reaction but I'm weird like that.
I have bright dreams. I want to be rich and successful. I just don't have the drive or motivation to do it. It makes me sad. I feel worthless and hopeless. And take makes try less cuz I feel like I'm a lost cause, or I'm too far gone to fight my way out. The pessimism takes over. Right now, I'm on the brink, but I'm not dead yet. I just NEED to do something, and another semester just like this just isn't gonna help.
Well I think I'm kinda fucked for now. But whatever. Maybe I'll talk to President M, or Asian Joe.
O P.S. My girlfriend makes good cake, even tho it makes me gassy (sp?).
I have a major problem with skipping school. I just don't go.
It went from skipping the occasional class here last semester, to skipping full weeks this semester. Now, I usually only go if I have a test that day.
I don't know why I do it.
It's not like I have anything better to do.
Most of the time I just wake up at noon. Usually I've already missed a class, but I have enough time to make it to my 2 o'clock, or my 4o'clock class.
But lately, I just won't go. Before I had an excuse, like weather, or lack of preparation. Now, I have no excuses, I just don't go.
This has been a problem for me for a while, but I'm getting worse and worse.
And I don't know how to get back on track.
I just need to want to go to school, want to succeed, and want to accomplish things. Right now I really don't care. I think it's a maturity thing, I'm just not mature enough to sit through a class just cuz I know it's good for me, even if it is really boring.
So I was thinking about taking a semester off in the fall.
But that would probably mess a lot of things up.
First of all, my parents don't know anything about this problem. If I tell them then I get in trouble, big trouble, but if I don't tell them they probably won't understand why I want to take a semester off. Even if I do tell them, they might not let me do it. Maybe there is a way to convince them without actually telling them anything.
The other problem is that me not being there for that semester will probably mean that I can't go study abroad in HK in the Spring. I need to ask someone but I'm pretty sure you need to be an active student to go abroad, and I wouldn't be active.
Also, it delays my graduation yet ANOTHER semester. And I don't even know if I'm going to be changed at all when I get back into school.
But If I did take some time off I'd get a job and save up money to pay for my own tuition. This could be good or bad. It could be good cuz maybe i won't want to waster my own money, on the other hand i could also see myself saying, well it's my money and if i want to waste it i can.
Maybe a really painful job will get me into shape. Last summer I lifted beer until my back was killing me, and for the first few months of school I was great. But after thanksgiving I kinda started going downhill again. So I don't know how to make my motivation last.
But I could see myself finding a job and then liking it. I'm at the stage where my resume is decent. I could get a job at Best Buy and be happy with the employee discount for a while. This could be very bad, cuz 1: I'd be working at Best Buy, 2: I'd be happy there and not want to go back to school in a reasonable amount of time, 3: I would spend all of my money.
And If I found a job decent desk job and made a decent (but still kinda low) amount of money, I could see myself wanting to stay there.
So I don't know what I need to do. I'm kinda out of ideas.
Manda suggested that I get a personal tutor for all of my classes. Less to teach me, but more just to keep me on track with classes. Cuz usually I can do pretty good even if I just go and listen. And the tutor would pretty much just make sure that I go to class. This could work cuz all he/she would have to do is ask me every day what I did, and if I BSed, then he/she would hopefully know and make me feel bad about it. But this can only work if he/she is good enough to notice, I for some reason really wouldn't want to let this person down, and if there was some consequence for me misbehaving. And this person can't be close to me, cuz if Manda, or my mother were this person, then I'd just get pissed off and underachieve even more. Yea its a weird reaction but I'm weird like that.
I have bright dreams. I want to be rich and successful. I just don't have the drive or motivation to do it. It makes me sad. I feel worthless and hopeless. And take makes try less cuz I feel like I'm a lost cause, or I'm too far gone to fight my way out. The pessimism takes over. Right now, I'm on the brink, but I'm not dead yet. I just NEED to do something, and another semester just like this just isn't gonna help.
Well I think I'm kinda fucked for now. But whatever. Maybe I'll talk to President M, or Asian Joe.
O P.S. My girlfriend makes good cake, even tho it makes me gassy (sp?).