It's been a little while since I've posted, this is for all us singers Comments in italics
Top Reasons for Being a Tenor:
-Tenors get high without drugs.
-Name a musical where the bass got the girl. (Grrrrrrrr, I've been beat up about this one for years. Whadda we basses get, Horace Tabor? *sigh*)
-You can show the sopranos how it SHOULD be sung.
-Did you ever hear of anyone paying $1000 for a ticket to see The Three Basses?
-Who needs brains when you've got resonance?
-Tenors never have to waste time looking through the self-improvement section of the bookstore.
-When you get really good at falsetto, you can make tons of money doing voice-overs for cartoon characters.
-Gregorian chant was practically invented for tenors. Nobody invented a genre for basses.
Top Reasons for Being a Bass:
-You don't have to tighten your shorts to reach your note.
-You don't have to worry about a woman stealing your job.
-Or a pre adolescent boy.
-Action heroes are always basses. That is, if they ever sang, they would sing bass.
-You get great memorable lyrics like bop, bop, bop, bop (boong ching ... boong chi-ching).
-If the singing job doesn't work out, there's always broadcasting.
-You never need to learn to read the treble clef. (Exactly, that damn thing never did make sense to me.)
-It doesn't matter much if you get a cold.
-For fun, you can sing at the bottom of your range and fool people into thinking there's an earthquake.
-If you burp while you're singing, the audience just thinks it's part of the score.
Top Ten Reasons for Being a Soprano:
-The rest of the choir exists just to make you look good.
-Can you name an opera where an alto got the man?
-When sopranos sing in the shower, they know the tune.
-You are never going to sing the alto part by accident.
-Great costumes: like the hat with the horns on it.
-How many world famous altos can you name?
-When the fat lady sings, she's usually singing soprano.
-When you get tired of the tune, you can sing the descant.
Top Ten Reasons for Being an Alto:
-You get really good at singing E flat.
-You get to sing the same note for 12 consecutive measures. tang ... tang ... tang ...)
-No warm up needed to sing 12 consecutive bars of E flat.
-If the choir really stinks, it's unlikely the altos will be blamed.
-You have lots of time to chat during soprano solos.
-You get to pretend that you are better than the sopranos, because everybody knows that women only sing soprano so they don't have to learn to read music.
-You can sometimes find part time work singing tenor.
-Altos get all the great intervals.
-When the sopranos are holding some outrageously high note at the end of an anthem, the altos always get the last words.
-When the altos miss a note, nobody gets hurt.
-Tenors get high without drugs.
-Name a musical where the bass got the girl. (Grrrrrrrr, I've been beat up about this one for years. Whadda we basses get, Horace Tabor? *sigh*)
-You can show the sopranos how it SHOULD be sung.
-Did you ever hear of anyone paying $1000 for a ticket to see The Three Basses?
-Who needs brains when you've got resonance?
-Tenors never have to waste time looking through the self-improvement section of the bookstore.
-When you get really good at falsetto, you can make tons of money doing voice-overs for cartoon characters.
-Gregorian chant was practically invented for tenors. Nobody invented a genre for basses.
Top Reasons for Being a Bass:
-You don't have to tighten your shorts to reach your note.
-You don't have to worry about a woman stealing your job.
-Or a pre adolescent boy.
-Action heroes are always basses. That is, if they ever sang, they would sing bass.
-You get great memorable lyrics like bop, bop, bop, bop (boong ching ... boong chi-ching).
-If the singing job doesn't work out, there's always broadcasting.
-You never need to learn to read the treble clef. (Exactly, that damn thing never did make sense to me.)
-It doesn't matter much if you get a cold.
-For fun, you can sing at the bottom of your range and fool people into thinking there's an earthquake.
-If you burp while you're singing, the audience just thinks it's part of the score.
Top Ten Reasons for Being a Soprano:
-The rest of the choir exists just to make you look good.
-Can you name an opera where an alto got the man?
-When sopranos sing in the shower, they know the tune.
-You are never going to sing the alto part by accident.
-Great costumes: like the hat with the horns on it.
-How many world famous altos can you name?
-When the fat lady sings, she's usually singing soprano.
-When you get tired of the tune, you can sing the descant.
Top Ten Reasons for Being an Alto:
-You get really good at singing E flat.
-You get to sing the same note for 12 consecutive measures. tang ... tang ... tang ...)
-No warm up needed to sing 12 consecutive bars of E flat.
-If the choir really stinks, it's unlikely the altos will be blamed.
-You have lots of time to chat during soprano solos.
-You get to pretend that you are better than the sopranos, because everybody knows that women only sing soprano so they don't have to learn to read music.
-You can sometimes find part time work singing tenor.
-Altos get all the great intervals.
-When the sopranos are holding some outrageously high note at the end of an anthem, the altos always get the last words.
-When the altos miss a note, nobody gets hurt.