Fic: Like A Satellite Trapped In Orbit (Around You) & Chasing Daylight (18/18)
Title : Like a Satellite Chasing Daylight
Author: Bean & Jen
Rating: R
Warnings : RPF, Overall angst
Word count : ~4, 900
Summary : Since their relationship ended, Chris and Darren have spent a year at different ends of the country. Darren had a plan, Chris just had a broken heart. But they have been working their way back to each other.
A/N: So, here we are. Emmy night. Two fics become one as there are no more perspectives, not really. Just one ending to what has always ever been one story. Theirs.
Can I just say that Jen and I were totally blown away by the response to the previous part. Seriously. The email exchange we had last night / today was almost complete disbelief about the comments and the threats and the analysis of our characters and their motivations!
This has been a project of absolute love. From the moment the idea was pitched through to this (early) posting of the last chapter* we have loved every moment with this fic.
* for which you have Bean's absence tomorrow night to thank!
~~
Darren found Jack by the bar and grabbed his elbow. "We need to talk," he hissed, pulling him in the direction of the bathroom.
Once inside Jack wrenched himself free. "What's..."
"Why didn't you tell me Chris came to the apartment?"
"What?"
"Last Christmas. He came over, he spoke to you, and you never said a fucking word."
"Ah, yes, that..."
"Ah, yes, that?" Darren yelled. "He came over because he wanted to see me. Because he was still in love with me. If I'd known I could have called him and we could have..."
"What?" Jack interrupted. "Been together since New Year? And what about all the stuff around you coming out, eh? How would that have gone?"
"Do you have any idea what I've been through these last nine months?"
"Yes, actually," Jack snapped back. "I live with you remember? I had to deal with my own set of rumours, remember? And I went through all that because you're a good guy, Darren. One of the best. And funnily enough I want you to be happy."
"Well I'm not," Darren said dejectedly. "Chris... He turned me down."
"What? Why? I thought he'd ditched that Jake guy."
"He had but... He said it's been too long, there's been too much..."
"You told him everything?"
"I told him I loved him."
"But did you tell him everything? About Sally and Nathan and the plan and...?" Jack caught sight of Darren's face and sighed. "Well no wonder he turned you down. He thinks you've spent this year flitting about the place. You've had two very high profile relationships in the last twelve months, and you've done all that while apparently being in love with someone else."
"I thought he knew me better than that."
"Aw, shit Dare. He's hurting so he doesn't know what he knows. What'd he think of the song? He has listened to it, right?"
"I don't know."
"And there was me thinking this was sorted now," he sighed, grabbing his phone from his pocket. "Sally? Our idiot boy needs our help... Yes, again... No, it's not going well... Yes, it's his fault. Can you get the car, meet us out front? Thanks." He hung up and slipped the phone into his jacket. "I take it you know where he lives?"
"Not sure," Darren replied, "but I know someone who will."
~~
It had taken almost ten minutes of grovelling to Ashley and promises on everything that was sacred to him to get her to confirm Chris' new address. What had clinched it was his promise that if Chris told him to leave then he would - no questions, no arguments. He would respect his wishes, regardless of what they were.
~~
Once at home Chris tore off his suit, feeling suddenly suffocated by it and wanting nothing more than to rid himself of everything about that night. He hated Darren. Hated him for his bumbling confessions and apologies, his cluelessness, his selfishness but most of all hated him for forever tainting what is supposed to be one of the happiest nights of his career. But he loved him too.
He sank onto his couch, head cradled in his hands and sobbed. Just sobbed silently, letting the hurt of the evening and even the last year pour out of him. It isn’t how he imagined at all. If he’s really honest with himself, until he was there faced with the reality he always thought he would say yes. For a minute there he almost did.
But he deserved more than a rushed and half-assed confession after over a year of hurt and wondering. He deserved more than a man that only over seemed to want him when he had no one else. Maybe he and Darren just weren’t right for each other, despite what his heart was telling him.
Chris glanced up in surprise at the sound of his phone going off. Everyone would assume that he was still out celebrating so who...
Finkmeister calling.
"Ashley?"
"Idiot incoming," is all Ashley said and Chris froze, free hand clenching into the soft material of his hoodie.
"What? But... he doesn’t know where I live."
"Yeah about that..."
"Ashley! Have you any idea what you...?"
"Yeah Chris I do. And you’ll be thanking me tomorrow. Get over it will you. That boy loves you, please just give him a chance."
"What makes you so sure?"
"He’s very good at grovelling. Plus I know a few things."
"Ash..."
"Look I made him promise that he would leave if you asked him to. No questions asked."
Chris hesitated. "He promised?"
"Yeah. Now please at least talk to him. And let him speak, I know what you’re like when you get going. You may not believe it but this year has been just as hard on him as it has on you."
Ashley’s right, he doesn’t believe it.
"I don’t know. I’ll think about it."
"Well that’s something," Ashley sighed. "Congrats on the win by the way. And thanks for the shout out. It was beautiful."
~~
The car pulled up outside the house and Sally killed the engine. "Want us to come with you?" she asked.
"‘Yeah, 'cause me turning up with my ex-girlfriend is really going to help," Darren said but his voice was soft and lacked malice. "No, I need to do this."
"We didn't tell you Chris came over because you needed to see this through. You weren't ready at Christmas, Dare."
Darren glanced over at her. "We?"
In the back seat Jack coughed and shifted awkwardly in his seat. "Yeah, we've been meaning..." He stopped when Darren laughed softly. "It's OK?"
"Why wouldn't it be?" he asked.
"Just thought it'd be... weird."
"No more weird than asking her to pose as my girlfriend and asking you to deal with rumours about you and me..." He trailed off, looking over at the house. There were lights on so he was home, and suddenly the pit of Darren's stomach didn't seem to be there anymore. "Look, you two should get off."
"We can wait if you want?" Jack offered.
"Sweetie, if this goes how we want it to then we'd be waiting until morning," Sally laughed.
"Wish me luck," Darren said as he opened the door and climbed out. As he did so Jack got out of the back to move to the passenger side. "Think I'm gonna need it," he muttered.
"You'll be fine," Jack said. "Sing him the song!" he called out as Darren ventured down the driveway.
He waited until the car had pulled away before he knocked on the door.
~~
Even though he was expecting it, it was still a shock when the knock came. He moved towards the door hesitantly, peering through the spy hole to confirm what he already knew. Darren. He clenched his hand on the latch but couldn’t quite bring himself to open the door.
"Chris?" Darren called. "Please. I just want to talk."
Still Chris hesitated, biting his lip to stop himself blurting something out.
"Jack didn't tell me you'd come over at Christmas. If I'd known then of course I would have called you. I have wanted to call you for so long..." Chris shut his eyes and leant his head against the door. The same empty words. "Please let me in, Chris."
"Go away," Chris called and wondered if he sounded as lacking in conviction to Darren as he did to himself.
"Just hear me out, OK? If you still want me to go afterwards then I will but I... I want... I need to explain. Five minutes. Just give me five minutes."
Darren sounded so desperate that Chris felt himself weaken. If Hannah was here she would tell him to stop being a bitch and at least have the decency to hear Darren out.
"Five minutes," he agreed quietly.
A slight hesitation and then, "Can I come in?"
Chris took a deep breath, trying to relax and then finally opened the door. He stepped back to let Darren pass, wrapping his arms around himself and unable to look at Darren. He was dimly aware that he was still in his suit though so he clearly came straight from Aveux.
Darren shut the door and turned to look at him.
"Five minutes," Chris repeated firmly.
Darren was silent for a long moment but Chris resisted the urge to fill the silence, remembering what Ashley said about actually giving Darren a chance to speak. So he just waited.
"I'm sorry," Darren said eventually. "For everything. I know I hurt you and..."
"If you've just come to apologise..." Chris interrupted before he can stop himself and then paused, biting back any further words.
"I've been practising this for... forever..." Darren huffed a small laugh, "and now I'm with you I don't know what to say."
"That was always the problem, wasn't it? This last year it's been emails and..."
"That's it!" Darren cried and Chris watched curiously as he pulled a piece of folded paper out of his pocket. It looked well worn, like it had been pulled out and read time after time.
"What?" Chris asked when Darren didn't immediately offer an explanation.
"Emails," Darren said somewhat nonsensically. "This was written in January. And I wanted to send it then but Sally told me to wait, to see things through..."
Chris, who had been momentarily distracted by Darren's odd behaviour, frowned again at the mention of Darren's ex. But Darren is too busy staring at the paper in his hands to notice.
"I need to tell you that I love you," he began. "I have always loved you and I want to be with you. I think about you all the time and it kills me that we don't speak and how far away you are. I need you in my life..." He stopped, censoring the slightly more crude addition. "The thing with Sally is just a ruse. Seriously. The world expects me to be straight, to date a girl who I can share everything with. And on the surface Sally is that."
"Wait, so you faked a relationship?" Chris interrupted. "Why would you do that?"
"Because... Because people expected me to be with a girl. And I needed to challenge that."
Chris wanted to say something along the lines of That's the stupidest thing I've ever heard. People expect you to be with a girl so you went out with a girl. Um what? But luckily his brain was too busy trying to put pieces together to be sarcastic right now. "So the whole thing? The fights... The two of you in a gay club? "
"I came after you that night," Darren said quietly. "Sally told me to go after you. But you'd gone and..." he trailed off a little awkwardly.
Chris said nothing in response so without anything else to say, Darren went back to the email. "I want to come back and be with you when the world knows who I am. When I'm Darren Criss, not Blaine Anderson. When people aren't going to talk about our characters or make comments about you turning me. I don't want this to be cruel or hard on you, Chris. You deserve better. You deserve to be with a man whose whole focus is on you. Someone who's not worrying about what people will say or think." He risked a glance up at Chris who was staring at the floor.
Taking a deep breath, he continued. "I want to be the guy, the one who gets to love you the way I know you want to be loved, the way you deserve to be loved. Hell, Chris, I already do. I guess what I want is to be the guy that you love back. I want to be the guy you come home to, you talk to about your day, who deals with all the problems and issues and highs and lows.
"And I can't be that guy without the world thinking they've got the right to comment on my - our choices - and I know that's not your style. I know that you're not someone to shout every decision from the rooftops and so I need to deal with that. But I want you to know that everything I am doing, every lie I might have to tell is part of a bigger truth.
"I am crazy in love with you... And if there is any chance... If you will let me then I will love you openly, honestly and as deeply as I can for the rest of my life."
Chris didn't look up, he was scared that if he looked at Darren he'd just hold on and never let go. But Darren had made promises before and he'd broken them and broken him and he didn't want to go through that again.
"I guess that's my five minutes..." Darren said sadly after a long pause and he shoved the email back into his pocket.
"When did you write that?" Chris asked quietly.
"January," Darren said. "Well, Sally... She wrote what she knew I was feeling. There's not a single word of that that's not true... And it wasn't just about coming out. It was about being honest... I needed to show you that I just want to be honest... Hopefully honest with you."
Chris doesn't answer, still conflicted. Darren hadn't written it, Sally had but... there was not a single word of it that wasn't true. And Darren had definitely written Second Chances. Could it be true? Was Darren really willing to make a go of it this time? Or would he just get scared again?
Darren starts to move towards the door and Chris panicked a little. Don't let him leave his brain insisted. Not yet.
"Darren," he whispered so quietly that he was scared that Darren didn't hear. He took a few quick steps forward and as Darren turned Chris met his eyes at last. There was nothing there but love and sincerity and... hope?
Without any further input from his brain Chris leant in and pressed his lips gently to Darren's. It took seconds for Darren's brain to catch up but before then his body had started to respond, pushing up against Chris, hands grabbing his shirt, fisting the material while Chris' hands held his jaw, fingers sliding up into his hair. Their bodies were flush against each other, pushing up to eliminate any space between them. There had been far too much of that between them this last year and now they didn't even want there to be air.
It turned messy for a moment, all tongue and teeth and lips, rough and needy. They took the time to just feel each other, refamiliarising themselves with the others bodies. It was somehow comfortable and exhilarating all at once. Chris moaned softly at the familiar scent, the taste, just the feeling overwhelming his senses. Chris never wanted to let Darren go but eventually they had to pull back to breathe.
"Shit, Chris..." Darren whispered against his lips.
"I have always loved you," Chris said, feeling like it was important to say, "and I wish you'd just spoken to me. I wish I'd known..."
"I wanted to tell you but I didn't know how you'd..."
"But you didn't give me the option," Chris insisted gently.
"If you'd known, if you and I... The distance meant that people weren't talking about us."
Chris felt a tiny flash of doubt. Darren cared about people's opinions and he may think that this whole year will have been enough to get people to leave them alone but Chris feared he may be mistaken. He didn't want to get Darren back just to lose him again. He didn't voice any of this though.
"I missed you," he said instead and rested his forehead against Darren's, enjoying the intimacy that he's been missing.
"I missed you too," Darren replied. "And I will make it up to you, I promise. I'm not leaving you again. I'll stay as long as you want me to. I'm yours as long as you want me."
Chris was surprised that Darren seemed to have guessed exactly what his worries were but he was still a little uncertain.
"You're sure about this?" he pressed. "About me?"
"Of course," Darren insisted. "You heard my album? Did you listen to Second Chances?"
"So the song...?" Chris asked, realising that he'd been right to assume, right to hope.
"Can we start again from here?" Darren sang softly, brushing his lips along Chris' ear.
But Chris froze and abruptly stumbled back. "No," he said thickly.
Darren's mind struggled to understand how not a minute ago they'd been kissing like their lives depended on it and now... Now what?
Chris read the sudden pain and confusion in Darren's face and scrambled to explain. "I can't, Dare. I just... You were out there with other people when you could have been out there with me. Don't you think I wouldn't have done that with you? For you?"
"I know you would have," Darren said, "but honestly... Everything that would have come with it if we'd been stood here a year ago? Would we still be together now?"
And that's what was bothering Chris. Darren didn't think that they were strong enough to last through troubled times and that did not bode well. How can he be sure that Darren is as serious about this as he claims?
"So you did all that with other people," he said.
"Not like that," Darren said desperately. No. No he wasn't losing Chris. Not now. Not when they were so close, not when he could still taste him. "I know it's weird but... We can talk about this."
"I think you should go," Chris said quietly, shutting his eyes so he can't see the heartbroken expression on Darren's face.
Darren wanted to stay, to fight this, to make Chris listen and understand but he had always promised that if this was what he wanted then this would be what he got.
So reluctantly, hesitantly and regretfully, Darren turned and left the house.
He left, Chris thought blankly. And then he smiled.
~~
Darren made it to the street before the tears spilled over and he leant against a neighbour's wall to compose himself. A year of his life working towards this and now it was over. Any pain he'd felt before this moment seemed to pale in comparison to what was going on now.
If only he'd called Chris earlier.
If only he'd sent that email in January.
If only he'd not been such a fucking idiot last year and bolted.
If only he'd given them a chance. Maybe they could have ridden the storm, dealt with the comments and the critics and whispers.
Maybe, what ifs, buts and regrets. He'd have a second album written by the end of the month out of this train wreck.
Chris ran out of the house almost immediately, relieved when he spotted Darren still on the street, leaning against a wall and... Chris' heart clenched uncomfortably. He was crying.
"You left," he said a little breathlessly because this was important. Darren glanced up sharply in surprise and quickly wiped his tears away with a sleeve.
"You asked me to," he said simply.
"Yeah. And you left," Chris repeated. "You kept your promise. To Ashley."
"She told you?"
"Of course she did. She called me after she gave you my address. I needed to know how serious you were..." Chris tried to explain. Darren moved closer and he took it as an encouraging sign. "Because we can't muck about with this, Dare. If we're doing this then it's for keeps."
"I am totally OK with that," Darren whispered. "I told you I am yours for as long as you want me."
Chris smiled, warmth and relief flooding his features. "How's forever sound?"
"Like... like a really good place to start."
Chris pulled Darren into a hug and the two of them just clung to each other, reminding themselves that the other person was real, that this was really happening, and that they had forever for all the things they had missed so much this last year.
Eventually Chris pulled away, sliding his hand down Darren's arm to tangle their fingers together. He led the way back into his house, feeling his heart pounding in his ears and feeling the reassuring corresponding beat of Darren's heart in his wrist. Chris turned to push the door shut behind Darren with one hand over his shoulder, using the other to push his body against it, their lips finding each other's once again.
Darren stumbled back and he was trapped between Chris and the door but he couldn't bring himself to care. He moved one of his hands from the shirt to the waistband of Chris' pants, but his fingers brushed up, under the hem of the shirt. The skin was as soft as he'd remembered and fantasised about and Darren couldn't help but give a low moan.
Chris' hips jerked automatically in response to the sound, grinding deliciously into Darren. His thoughts were foggy. He's missed this so much, the sight and sound and feel of Darren when he was desperate and aroused and close to begging for release.
He nipped gently at Darren's lips, tangling their tongues together for one heated moment and thrusting his hips into Darren's again, suppressing a gasp at the feel of Darren's hardness against his own. He moved automatically, bringing a hand down to wrestle with the fastening to Darren's pants but then Darren's hands were on his, stilling them for a moment.
"Chris," he managed to mutter, pushing his hands against Chris' own. "Not... Fuck, not like this."
"Fuck, Dare, we can take all night and do it right next time. But right now..."
Right now it didn't matter. Right now they weren't being ruled by anything other than the hardness between each of their legs. Right now they just wanted to be with each other and they would make love tonight and any other night (or day) they wanted to and could. But this lust? This was fuelled by a year's desire and desperation for the other.
Darren released his hand and Chris pulled down his zip eagerly, thrusting a hand into Darren's pants to palm him through his boxers. Darren gasped and jerked his hips upwards into the press of Chris' hand. Any thoughts of taking their time or making this special went out of the window because fuck he was not going to last.
Aware of this Darren pushed off the door, stumbling with Chris towards the wall. He tried to stop his hands from shaking enough to undo Chris' own pants but somehow he managed it.
Chris pulled his hand from Darren, whose complaints were cut off when he pushed his hips as flush against Darren's as he could. They rutted against each other, open mouths brushing lips and skin, sucking on the hollow of the other's neck.
It was over in minutes, Darren came first and Chris a few thrusts later. Their actions were so base, grunts and groans of guttural pleasure as they clung to each other before, during and after their release.
They just stood, holding each other for a moment before Darren finally summoned the energy to speak.
"I have really missed you."
Chris pulled back to look at him, but when words failed him he settled for a kiss, his tongue lazily wrapping around Darren's. It was sweet and gentle compared to before and Chris sighed happily into it before starting at the feel of his phone buzzing against his leg.
"Fuck," he said, pulling away.
"What?" Darren looked panicked at Chris' apparent change. "Please..."
"Oh no, no, no, no," Chris soothed, placing his hand on Darren's cheek and kissing him tenderly. His other hand pulled his mobile from his pocket and he held it up. The screen was flashing with the incoming call.
Finkmeister calling
"Is she down as that in everyone's phone?" Darren laughed and pressed his forehead into Chris' shoulder as he answered the phone.
"Ash, it's fine," Chris said quickly.
"He'd better be there now," Darren heard her say, her voice tinny but clear.
"Yes I am!" he called out and Chris smiled as he tapped the loudspeaker button.
On the other end of the line he could hear Ashley cheering and laughing, which then abruptly stopped. "Wait... am I... interrupting?" she asked.
"Would you care if you were?" Chris asked, smirking at Darren.
"Oh god, I am, aren't I? Wait, no, why would you answer your phone during... Oh that's just wrong. Wrong, wrong, wrong. Please don't be answering your phone during sex."
"We are not having sex, Ashley," Chris said.
"Now," Darren muttered low, moving to place a kiss on Chris' jaw.
Chris couldn't help but give a low moan as Darren paid attention to his neck.
"Hobbit, you'd better finish what you started this time or you will be..."
Darren took the phone from Chris' hand and held it. "Ashley, listen to me. Chris will call you tomorrow. It probably won't be first thing though, but you can quiz him for all the sordid details if you want. But now I'm going to hang up and get on with providing him with said sordid details."
Darren hit the end call button then pressed the power button. Once it was off he dropped it onto the table.
"Sordid details?" Chris asked, raising an eyebrow.
"She deserved it."
"So... want a quick tour of the place?"
"How quick?"
"Very," Chris smirked.
~~
Chris actually did give Darren a very brief tour of his house, holding his hand the entire time and reminding himself that there was really no need to rush. But it was still only minutes later that they found themselves in Chris' bedroom, pressed close once again.
They took things a lot slower now. Using hands, lips and tongue to reacquaint themselves with bodies that they used to know as well as their own. It was quiet, promises and apologies whispered into skin and being lost in pleasured gasps and moans.
Chris had known as soon as they were on his bed how Darren wanted this to go. The older man was almost desperate to show how sorry he was for all the pain and hurt, but Chris felt just as guilty. He could have so easily swallowed his own pride and called Darren. There were so many times he could have just picked up the phone and called him, said that he missed him, still loved him. They could have worked something out so many months ago...
Then Darren's mouth closed around his cock and all logical thought disappeared. Chris would return the favour next time.
It wasn't until Darren was buried deep within him that Chris realised that he needed this. It wasn't about Dare making up for everything that had happened the last year - and everything before that. It wasn't about proving that he was into boys or this boy or whatever. Darren needed to show him that he was in love. And there was only one word for what Darren was doing to his body: worship. Chris had never felt more wanted, more loved, more alive than he ever had before, even when he was with Darren before.
It was all over far too quickly. But then when compared with forever anything was too quick.
~~
Darren woke first, cuddled into Chris' side and nuzzling into his favourite spot on Chris' neck. He took a moment just to look at him, happily drinking in the sight of the man that he had spent a year longing for. And everything he went through was worth it to be here, waking up beside the person he loved and with the prospect of many more mornings the same as this stretching out in front of him. And the thought didn't scare him at all.
He watched Chris for a long time, loving the relaxed look on his face and the way one of his arms was thrown over Darren's waist but then he remembered the last time that Chris woke up while he was staring at him and accused him of being a freaky sleep watcher, whatever that was.
So even though it had been said with a fond smile and Darren had got a kiss for his trouble, he decided to get up and see if Chris had anything that resembled food in this place.
~~
Chris woke to an empty bed and his instinct was to panic. It reminded him far too much of the times when Darren would come over, fuck him, then leave. He sat bolt upright, ignoring the mild aches in his limbs, looking for some sign in the room that last night happened, it was real and that his overactive imagination hadn't run riot.
He heard a noise come from downstairs and his heart actually leapt. (Wow, what a cliché.) He stopped long enough to pull on a clean pair of boxer shorts before heading downstairs as fast as he dared without seeming too keen.
Thanks to whatever genius designed the open plan layout he could see the kitchen when he was halfway down the stairs. Darren was there, still here, and he was attempting to make some kind of breakfast. Which was proving difficult as Chris knew he pretty much only had instant coffee, Diet Coke, half a loaf of bread (which was probably a bit suspect by now) and a random assortment of food items.
Darren turned back around, catching sight of Chris as he did so. Both of them stopped, grinned, and had the same thought.
Yeah. This is exactly what I want.
~fin~
(Kinda. Jen's not quite done with them just yet...)
(Also Bean may write smut for this part. Just saying. Because every story needs smut :P)
Bean’s A/N: I just really wanna say a massive thank you for everyone who takes the time to comment here or on tumblr. As stated above, we were really overwhelmed by the response of the last chapter. I’ve had some really entertaining conversations with people about this story. And thank you for reccing it and reading it and just enjoying it really because me and Jen did have a lot of fun writing it.
As for writing together at some point in the future, we have nothing set in stone but neither of us are entirely adverse to the idea :P We just have our own projects at the moment!
Thanks again!
Leave Jen some feedback here.
Author: Bean & Jen
Rating: R
Warnings : RPF, Overall angst
Word count : ~4, 900
Summary : Since their relationship ended, Chris and Darren have spent a year at different ends of the country. Darren had a plan, Chris just had a broken heart. But they have been working their way back to each other.
A/N: So, here we are. Emmy night. Two fics become one as there are no more perspectives, not really. Just one ending to what has always ever been one story. Theirs.
Can I just say that Jen and I were totally blown away by the response to the previous part. Seriously. The email exchange we had last night / today was almost complete disbelief about the comments and the threats and the analysis of our characters and their motivations!
This has been a project of absolute love. From the moment the idea was pitched through to this (early) posting of the last chapter* we have loved every moment with this fic.
* for which you have Bean's absence tomorrow night to thank!
~~
Darren found Jack by the bar and grabbed his elbow. "We need to talk," he hissed, pulling him in the direction of the bathroom.
Once inside Jack wrenched himself free. "What's..."
"Why didn't you tell me Chris came to the apartment?"
"What?"
"Last Christmas. He came over, he spoke to you, and you never said a fucking word."
"Ah, yes, that..."
"Ah, yes, that?" Darren yelled. "He came over because he wanted to see me. Because he was still in love with me. If I'd known I could have called him and we could have..."
"What?" Jack interrupted. "Been together since New Year? And what about all the stuff around you coming out, eh? How would that have gone?"
"Do you have any idea what I've been through these last nine months?"
"Yes, actually," Jack snapped back. "I live with you remember? I had to deal with my own set of rumours, remember? And I went through all that because you're a good guy, Darren. One of the best. And funnily enough I want you to be happy."
"Well I'm not," Darren said dejectedly. "Chris... He turned me down."
"What? Why? I thought he'd ditched that Jake guy."
"He had but... He said it's been too long, there's been too much..."
"You told him everything?"
"I told him I loved him."
"But did you tell him everything? About Sally and Nathan and the plan and...?" Jack caught sight of Darren's face and sighed. "Well no wonder he turned you down. He thinks you've spent this year flitting about the place. You've had two very high profile relationships in the last twelve months, and you've done all that while apparently being in love with someone else."
"I thought he knew me better than that."
"Aw, shit Dare. He's hurting so he doesn't know what he knows. What'd he think of the song? He has listened to it, right?"
"I don't know."
"And there was me thinking this was sorted now," he sighed, grabbing his phone from his pocket. "Sally? Our idiot boy needs our help... Yes, again... No, it's not going well... Yes, it's his fault. Can you get the car, meet us out front? Thanks." He hung up and slipped the phone into his jacket. "I take it you know where he lives?"
"Not sure," Darren replied, "but I know someone who will."
~~
It had taken almost ten minutes of grovelling to Ashley and promises on everything that was sacred to him to get her to confirm Chris' new address. What had clinched it was his promise that if Chris told him to leave then he would - no questions, no arguments. He would respect his wishes, regardless of what they were.
~~
Once at home Chris tore off his suit, feeling suddenly suffocated by it and wanting nothing more than to rid himself of everything about that night. He hated Darren. Hated him for his bumbling confessions and apologies, his cluelessness, his selfishness but most of all hated him for forever tainting what is supposed to be one of the happiest nights of his career. But he loved him too.
He sank onto his couch, head cradled in his hands and sobbed. Just sobbed silently, letting the hurt of the evening and even the last year pour out of him. It isn’t how he imagined at all. If he’s really honest with himself, until he was there faced with the reality he always thought he would say yes. For a minute there he almost did.
But he deserved more than a rushed and half-assed confession after over a year of hurt and wondering. He deserved more than a man that only over seemed to want him when he had no one else. Maybe he and Darren just weren’t right for each other, despite what his heart was telling him.
Chris glanced up in surprise at the sound of his phone going off. Everyone would assume that he was still out celebrating so who...
Finkmeister calling.
"Ashley?"
"Idiot incoming," is all Ashley said and Chris froze, free hand clenching into the soft material of his hoodie.
"What? But... he doesn’t know where I live."
"Yeah about that..."
"Ashley! Have you any idea what you...?"
"Yeah Chris I do. And you’ll be thanking me tomorrow. Get over it will you. That boy loves you, please just give him a chance."
"What makes you so sure?"
"He’s very good at grovelling. Plus I know a few things."
"Ash..."
"Look I made him promise that he would leave if you asked him to. No questions asked."
Chris hesitated. "He promised?"
"Yeah. Now please at least talk to him. And let him speak, I know what you’re like when you get going. You may not believe it but this year has been just as hard on him as it has on you."
Ashley’s right, he doesn’t believe it.
"I don’t know. I’ll think about it."
"Well that’s something," Ashley sighed. "Congrats on the win by the way. And thanks for the shout out. It was beautiful."
~~
The car pulled up outside the house and Sally killed the engine. "Want us to come with you?" she asked.
"‘Yeah, 'cause me turning up with my ex-girlfriend is really going to help," Darren said but his voice was soft and lacked malice. "No, I need to do this."
"We didn't tell you Chris came over because you needed to see this through. You weren't ready at Christmas, Dare."
Darren glanced over at her. "We?"
In the back seat Jack coughed and shifted awkwardly in his seat. "Yeah, we've been meaning..." He stopped when Darren laughed softly. "It's OK?"
"Why wouldn't it be?" he asked.
"Just thought it'd be... weird."
"No more weird than asking her to pose as my girlfriend and asking you to deal with rumours about you and me..." He trailed off, looking over at the house. There were lights on so he was home, and suddenly the pit of Darren's stomach didn't seem to be there anymore. "Look, you two should get off."
"We can wait if you want?" Jack offered.
"Sweetie, if this goes how we want it to then we'd be waiting until morning," Sally laughed.
"Wish me luck," Darren said as he opened the door and climbed out. As he did so Jack got out of the back to move to the passenger side. "Think I'm gonna need it," he muttered.
"You'll be fine," Jack said. "Sing him the song!" he called out as Darren ventured down the driveway.
He waited until the car had pulled away before he knocked on the door.
~~
Even though he was expecting it, it was still a shock when the knock came. He moved towards the door hesitantly, peering through the spy hole to confirm what he already knew. Darren. He clenched his hand on the latch but couldn’t quite bring himself to open the door.
"Chris?" Darren called. "Please. I just want to talk."
Still Chris hesitated, biting his lip to stop himself blurting something out.
"Jack didn't tell me you'd come over at Christmas. If I'd known then of course I would have called you. I have wanted to call you for so long..." Chris shut his eyes and leant his head against the door. The same empty words. "Please let me in, Chris."
"Go away," Chris called and wondered if he sounded as lacking in conviction to Darren as he did to himself.
"Just hear me out, OK? If you still want me to go afterwards then I will but I... I want... I need to explain. Five minutes. Just give me five minutes."
Darren sounded so desperate that Chris felt himself weaken. If Hannah was here she would tell him to stop being a bitch and at least have the decency to hear Darren out.
"Five minutes," he agreed quietly.
A slight hesitation and then, "Can I come in?"
Chris took a deep breath, trying to relax and then finally opened the door. He stepped back to let Darren pass, wrapping his arms around himself and unable to look at Darren. He was dimly aware that he was still in his suit though so he clearly came straight from Aveux.
Darren shut the door and turned to look at him.
"Five minutes," Chris repeated firmly.
Darren was silent for a long moment but Chris resisted the urge to fill the silence, remembering what Ashley said about actually giving Darren a chance to speak. So he just waited.
"I'm sorry," Darren said eventually. "For everything. I know I hurt you and..."
"If you've just come to apologise..." Chris interrupted before he can stop himself and then paused, biting back any further words.
"I've been practising this for... forever..." Darren huffed a small laugh, "and now I'm with you I don't know what to say."
"That was always the problem, wasn't it? This last year it's been emails and..."
"That's it!" Darren cried and Chris watched curiously as he pulled a piece of folded paper out of his pocket. It looked well worn, like it had been pulled out and read time after time.
"What?" Chris asked when Darren didn't immediately offer an explanation.
"Emails," Darren said somewhat nonsensically. "This was written in January. And I wanted to send it then but Sally told me to wait, to see things through..."
Chris, who had been momentarily distracted by Darren's odd behaviour, frowned again at the mention of Darren's ex. But Darren is too busy staring at the paper in his hands to notice.
"I need to tell you that I love you," he began. "I have always loved you and I want to be with you. I think about you all the time and it kills me that we don't speak and how far away you are. I need you in my life..." He stopped, censoring the slightly more crude addition. "The thing with Sally is just a ruse. Seriously. The world expects me to be straight, to date a girl who I can share everything with. And on the surface Sally is that."
"Wait, so you faked a relationship?" Chris interrupted. "Why would you do that?"
"Because... Because people expected me to be with a girl. And I needed to challenge that."
Chris wanted to say something along the lines of That's the stupidest thing I've ever heard. People expect you to be with a girl so you went out with a girl. Um what? But luckily his brain was too busy trying to put pieces together to be sarcastic right now. "So the whole thing? The fights... The two of you in a gay club? "
"I came after you that night," Darren said quietly. "Sally told me to go after you. But you'd gone and..." he trailed off a little awkwardly.
Chris said nothing in response so without anything else to say, Darren went back to the email. "I want to come back and be with you when the world knows who I am. When I'm Darren Criss, not Blaine Anderson. When people aren't going to talk about our characters or make comments about you turning me. I don't want this to be cruel or hard on you, Chris. You deserve better. You deserve to be with a man whose whole focus is on you. Someone who's not worrying about what people will say or think." He risked a glance up at Chris who was staring at the floor.
Taking a deep breath, he continued. "I want to be the guy, the one who gets to love you the way I know you want to be loved, the way you deserve to be loved. Hell, Chris, I already do. I guess what I want is to be the guy that you love back. I want to be the guy you come home to, you talk to about your day, who deals with all the problems and issues and highs and lows.
"And I can't be that guy without the world thinking they've got the right to comment on my - our choices - and I know that's not your style. I know that you're not someone to shout every decision from the rooftops and so I need to deal with that. But I want you to know that everything I am doing, every lie I might have to tell is part of a bigger truth.
"I am crazy in love with you... And if there is any chance... If you will let me then I will love you openly, honestly and as deeply as I can for the rest of my life."
Chris didn't look up, he was scared that if he looked at Darren he'd just hold on and never let go. But Darren had made promises before and he'd broken them and broken him and he didn't want to go through that again.
"I guess that's my five minutes..." Darren said sadly after a long pause and he shoved the email back into his pocket.
"When did you write that?" Chris asked quietly.
"January," Darren said. "Well, Sally... She wrote what she knew I was feeling. There's not a single word of that that's not true... And it wasn't just about coming out. It was about being honest... I needed to show you that I just want to be honest... Hopefully honest with you."
Chris doesn't answer, still conflicted. Darren hadn't written it, Sally had but... there was not a single word of it that wasn't true. And Darren had definitely written Second Chances. Could it be true? Was Darren really willing to make a go of it this time? Or would he just get scared again?
Darren starts to move towards the door and Chris panicked a little. Don't let him leave his brain insisted. Not yet.
"Darren," he whispered so quietly that he was scared that Darren didn't hear. He took a few quick steps forward and as Darren turned Chris met his eyes at last. There was nothing there but love and sincerity and... hope?
Without any further input from his brain Chris leant in and pressed his lips gently to Darren's. It took seconds for Darren's brain to catch up but before then his body had started to respond, pushing up against Chris, hands grabbing his shirt, fisting the material while Chris' hands held his jaw, fingers sliding up into his hair. Their bodies were flush against each other, pushing up to eliminate any space between them. There had been far too much of that between them this last year and now they didn't even want there to be air.
It turned messy for a moment, all tongue and teeth and lips, rough and needy. They took the time to just feel each other, refamiliarising themselves with the others bodies. It was somehow comfortable and exhilarating all at once. Chris moaned softly at the familiar scent, the taste, just the feeling overwhelming his senses. Chris never wanted to let Darren go but eventually they had to pull back to breathe.
"Shit, Chris..." Darren whispered against his lips.
"I have always loved you," Chris said, feeling like it was important to say, "and I wish you'd just spoken to me. I wish I'd known..."
"I wanted to tell you but I didn't know how you'd..."
"But you didn't give me the option," Chris insisted gently.
"If you'd known, if you and I... The distance meant that people weren't talking about us."
Chris felt a tiny flash of doubt. Darren cared about people's opinions and he may think that this whole year will have been enough to get people to leave them alone but Chris feared he may be mistaken. He didn't want to get Darren back just to lose him again. He didn't voice any of this though.
"I missed you," he said instead and rested his forehead against Darren's, enjoying the intimacy that he's been missing.
"I missed you too," Darren replied. "And I will make it up to you, I promise. I'm not leaving you again. I'll stay as long as you want me to. I'm yours as long as you want me."
Chris was surprised that Darren seemed to have guessed exactly what his worries were but he was still a little uncertain.
"You're sure about this?" he pressed. "About me?"
"Of course," Darren insisted. "You heard my album? Did you listen to Second Chances?"
"So the song...?" Chris asked, realising that he'd been right to assume, right to hope.
"Can we start again from here?" Darren sang softly, brushing his lips along Chris' ear.
But Chris froze and abruptly stumbled back. "No," he said thickly.
Darren's mind struggled to understand how not a minute ago they'd been kissing like their lives depended on it and now... Now what?
Chris read the sudden pain and confusion in Darren's face and scrambled to explain. "I can't, Dare. I just... You were out there with other people when you could have been out there with me. Don't you think I wouldn't have done that with you? For you?"
"I know you would have," Darren said, "but honestly... Everything that would have come with it if we'd been stood here a year ago? Would we still be together now?"
And that's what was bothering Chris. Darren didn't think that they were strong enough to last through troubled times and that did not bode well. How can he be sure that Darren is as serious about this as he claims?
"So you did all that with other people," he said.
"Not like that," Darren said desperately. No. No he wasn't losing Chris. Not now. Not when they were so close, not when he could still taste him. "I know it's weird but... We can talk about this."
"I think you should go," Chris said quietly, shutting his eyes so he can't see the heartbroken expression on Darren's face.
Darren wanted to stay, to fight this, to make Chris listen and understand but he had always promised that if this was what he wanted then this would be what he got.
So reluctantly, hesitantly and regretfully, Darren turned and left the house.
He left, Chris thought blankly. And then he smiled.
~~
Darren made it to the street before the tears spilled over and he leant against a neighbour's wall to compose himself. A year of his life working towards this and now it was over. Any pain he'd felt before this moment seemed to pale in comparison to what was going on now.
If only he'd called Chris earlier.
If only he'd sent that email in January.
If only he'd not been such a fucking idiot last year and bolted.
If only he'd given them a chance. Maybe they could have ridden the storm, dealt with the comments and the critics and whispers.
Maybe, what ifs, buts and regrets. He'd have a second album written by the end of the month out of this train wreck.
Chris ran out of the house almost immediately, relieved when he spotted Darren still on the street, leaning against a wall and... Chris' heart clenched uncomfortably. He was crying.
"You left," he said a little breathlessly because this was important. Darren glanced up sharply in surprise and quickly wiped his tears away with a sleeve.
"You asked me to," he said simply.
"Yeah. And you left," Chris repeated. "You kept your promise. To Ashley."
"She told you?"
"Of course she did. She called me after she gave you my address. I needed to know how serious you were..." Chris tried to explain. Darren moved closer and he took it as an encouraging sign. "Because we can't muck about with this, Dare. If we're doing this then it's for keeps."
"I am totally OK with that," Darren whispered. "I told you I am yours for as long as you want me."
Chris smiled, warmth and relief flooding his features. "How's forever sound?"
"Like... like a really good place to start."
Chris pulled Darren into a hug and the two of them just clung to each other, reminding themselves that the other person was real, that this was really happening, and that they had forever for all the things they had missed so much this last year.
Eventually Chris pulled away, sliding his hand down Darren's arm to tangle their fingers together. He led the way back into his house, feeling his heart pounding in his ears and feeling the reassuring corresponding beat of Darren's heart in his wrist. Chris turned to push the door shut behind Darren with one hand over his shoulder, using the other to push his body against it, their lips finding each other's once again.
Darren stumbled back and he was trapped between Chris and the door but he couldn't bring himself to care. He moved one of his hands from the shirt to the waistband of Chris' pants, but his fingers brushed up, under the hem of the shirt. The skin was as soft as he'd remembered and fantasised about and Darren couldn't help but give a low moan.
Chris' hips jerked automatically in response to the sound, grinding deliciously into Darren. His thoughts were foggy. He's missed this so much, the sight and sound and feel of Darren when he was desperate and aroused and close to begging for release.
He nipped gently at Darren's lips, tangling their tongues together for one heated moment and thrusting his hips into Darren's again, suppressing a gasp at the feel of Darren's hardness against his own. He moved automatically, bringing a hand down to wrestle with the fastening to Darren's pants but then Darren's hands were on his, stilling them for a moment.
"Chris," he managed to mutter, pushing his hands against Chris' own. "Not... Fuck, not like this."
"Fuck, Dare, we can take all night and do it right next time. But right now..."
Right now it didn't matter. Right now they weren't being ruled by anything other than the hardness between each of their legs. Right now they just wanted to be with each other and they would make love tonight and any other night (or day) they wanted to and could. But this lust? This was fuelled by a year's desire and desperation for the other.
Darren released his hand and Chris pulled down his zip eagerly, thrusting a hand into Darren's pants to palm him through his boxers. Darren gasped and jerked his hips upwards into the press of Chris' hand. Any thoughts of taking their time or making this special went out of the window because fuck he was not going to last.
Aware of this Darren pushed off the door, stumbling with Chris towards the wall. He tried to stop his hands from shaking enough to undo Chris' own pants but somehow he managed it.
Chris pulled his hand from Darren, whose complaints were cut off when he pushed his hips as flush against Darren's as he could. They rutted against each other, open mouths brushing lips and skin, sucking on the hollow of the other's neck.
It was over in minutes, Darren came first and Chris a few thrusts later. Their actions were so base, grunts and groans of guttural pleasure as they clung to each other before, during and after their release.
They just stood, holding each other for a moment before Darren finally summoned the energy to speak.
"I have really missed you."
Chris pulled back to look at him, but when words failed him he settled for a kiss, his tongue lazily wrapping around Darren's. It was sweet and gentle compared to before and Chris sighed happily into it before starting at the feel of his phone buzzing against his leg.
"Fuck," he said, pulling away.
"What?" Darren looked panicked at Chris' apparent change. "Please..."
"Oh no, no, no, no," Chris soothed, placing his hand on Darren's cheek and kissing him tenderly. His other hand pulled his mobile from his pocket and he held it up. The screen was flashing with the incoming call.
Finkmeister calling
"Is she down as that in everyone's phone?" Darren laughed and pressed his forehead into Chris' shoulder as he answered the phone.
"Ash, it's fine," Chris said quickly.
"He'd better be there now," Darren heard her say, her voice tinny but clear.
"Yes I am!" he called out and Chris smiled as he tapped the loudspeaker button.
On the other end of the line he could hear Ashley cheering and laughing, which then abruptly stopped. "Wait... am I... interrupting?" she asked.
"Would you care if you were?" Chris asked, smirking at Darren.
"Oh god, I am, aren't I? Wait, no, why would you answer your phone during... Oh that's just wrong. Wrong, wrong, wrong. Please don't be answering your phone during sex."
"We are not having sex, Ashley," Chris said.
"Now," Darren muttered low, moving to place a kiss on Chris' jaw.
Chris couldn't help but give a low moan as Darren paid attention to his neck.
"Hobbit, you'd better finish what you started this time or you will be..."
Darren took the phone from Chris' hand and held it. "Ashley, listen to me. Chris will call you tomorrow. It probably won't be first thing though, but you can quiz him for all the sordid details if you want. But now I'm going to hang up and get on with providing him with said sordid details."
Darren hit the end call button then pressed the power button. Once it was off he dropped it onto the table.
"Sordid details?" Chris asked, raising an eyebrow.
"She deserved it."
"So... want a quick tour of the place?"
"How quick?"
"Very," Chris smirked.
~~
Chris actually did give Darren a very brief tour of his house, holding his hand the entire time and reminding himself that there was really no need to rush. But it was still only minutes later that they found themselves in Chris' bedroom, pressed close once again.
They took things a lot slower now. Using hands, lips and tongue to reacquaint themselves with bodies that they used to know as well as their own. It was quiet, promises and apologies whispered into skin and being lost in pleasured gasps and moans.
Chris had known as soon as they were on his bed how Darren wanted this to go. The older man was almost desperate to show how sorry he was for all the pain and hurt, but Chris felt just as guilty. He could have so easily swallowed his own pride and called Darren. There were so many times he could have just picked up the phone and called him, said that he missed him, still loved him. They could have worked something out so many months ago...
Then Darren's mouth closed around his cock and all logical thought disappeared. Chris would return the favour next time.
It wasn't until Darren was buried deep within him that Chris realised that he needed this. It wasn't about Dare making up for everything that had happened the last year - and everything before that. It wasn't about proving that he was into boys or this boy or whatever. Darren needed to show him that he was in love. And there was only one word for what Darren was doing to his body: worship. Chris had never felt more wanted, more loved, more alive than he ever had before, even when he was with Darren before.
It was all over far too quickly. But then when compared with forever anything was too quick.
~~
Darren woke first, cuddled into Chris' side and nuzzling into his favourite spot on Chris' neck. He took a moment just to look at him, happily drinking in the sight of the man that he had spent a year longing for. And everything he went through was worth it to be here, waking up beside the person he loved and with the prospect of many more mornings the same as this stretching out in front of him. And the thought didn't scare him at all.
He watched Chris for a long time, loving the relaxed look on his face and the way one of his arms was thrown over Darren's waist but then he remembered the last time that Chris woke up while he was staring at him and accused him of being a freaky sleep watcher, whatever that was.
So even though it had been said with a fond smile and Darren had got a kiss for his trouble, he decided to get up and see if Chris had anything that resembled food in this place.
~~
Chris woke to an empty bed and his instinct was to panic. It reminded him far too much of the times when Darren would come over, fuck him, then leave. He sat bolt upright, ignoring the mild aches in his limbs, looking for some sign in the room that last night happened, it was real and that his overactive imagination hadn't run riot.
He heard a noise come from downstairs and his heart actually leapt. (Wow, what a cliché.) He stopped long enough to pull on a clean pair of boxer shorts before heading downstairs as fast as he dared without seeming too keen.
Thanks to whatever genius designed the open plan layout he could see the kitchen when he was halfway down the stairs. Darren was there, still here, and he was attempting to make some kind of breakfast. Which was proving difficult as Chris knew he pretty much only had instant coffee, Diet Coke, half a loaf of bread (which was probably a bit suspect by now) and a random assortment of food items.
Darren turned back around, catching sight of Chris as he did so. Both of them stopped, grinned, and had the same thought.
Yeah. This is exactly what I want.
~fin~
(Kinda. Jen's not quite done with them just yet...)
(Also Bean may write smut for this part. Just saying. Because every story needs smut :P)
Bean’s A/N: I just really wanna say a massive thank you for everyone who takes the time to comment here or on tumblr. As stated above, we were really overwhelmed by the response of the last chapter. I’ve had some really entertaining conversations with people about this story. And thank you for reccing it and reading it and just enjoying it really because me and Jen did have a lot of fun writing it.
As for writing together at some point in the future, we have nothing set in stone but neither of us are entirely adverse to the idea :P We just have our own projects at the moment!
Thanks again!
Leave Jen some feedback here.