Fic: Spike and Xander's Excellent Hogwarts Adventure, Part 2
Written for fall_for_sx
Title: Spike and Xander's Excellent Hogwarts Adventure
Co-Authors: Cas (virtualpersonal) and Nash (nashmaveric)
Fandom: BtVS
Pairing: Spike/Xander
Rating: PG, fun, light, Christmas season
Characters: Not ours, Joss' - we're just playin' with 'em
Concrits: welcome in comments
More parts coming up on 22/12/07 for which the fall_for_sx mods have my eternal gratitute. ::hugs the stuffing out of the both of them::
Xander leaped towards Spike to grab the paperweight and somehow managed to land on a cold stone floor.
"What the hell?!" he exclaimed, then his eyes widened in shock. "This isn't my voice! This isn't even my accent!"
He looked frantically around. All he could see was a stone corridor with some very weird paintings on the walls and a strange blonde kid that looked vaguely familiar. He brought his panic under control and walked up to the boy.
"Excuse me," he said as politely as he could manage under the circumstances, "would you mind telling me exactly where we are?"
In a show of manliness, or vampireness, Spike hadn't yelped when he hit the sodding ground. But now, he found himself staring past wheat blond hair flopping over his eyes, at a brunet with round glasses, who looked just like....
"Harry fucking Potter!" Spike squinted, "how did you get out of the telly?" In that same instance, he became aware of certain changes in his body. He'd lost a few inches... something he couldn't bloody well afford to do, and his speech was overly refined. He looked up, and up, seeing stone walls and strange paintings in a very un-Giles-like corridor.
"Where?" Xander asked, looking behind him in search for Harry Potter. "What are you talking ab- oh no. No, no, no, no, no."
"Xander?" Spike leaned close and peered into the teenager's spectacles, and couldn't see even a glimmer of Xander, and yet... "Willow. She must have done this. Or Giles, just to get rid of us," he said, suddenly standing up and looking at his robed body and lifting his arms to look at the ridiculously cut long sleeves. "Get up. We're going home."
"It's not always Willow's fault you know," Xander automatically started to protest then drifted into silence. "Spike? You look like...and I look like..." his mind spun as he tried to figure out what just happened. He started recounting the past events out loud, trying to find some sense in them.
"We were arguing and you wanted to show me that Draco and Harry were all sexy with each other and you stole Giles's paperweight thing. And you said you wished..." he trailed off. "This is all your fault," Xander snapped.
"It's not my bloody fault you're an idiot and can't see beyond your nose. They were... are having sex." Some sounds had Spike turning to see a few teenagers making punching gestures. They thought this was another classic Harry/Draco confrontation.
"Give it to me. That thing... the thing that brought us, give it to me," he demanded.
"No! You're just going to wish us into more trouble."
"Gentlemen, may I remind you that you're under a warning?"
Xander looked behind him to find a rather severe-looking woman, decked out as a witch, complete with tartan pointy hat.
"Erm..."
"Mr. Potter, I will thank you to keep any excuses to yourself. This is a time for forgiveness and for amity and I won't have it disrupted by you and Mr. Malfoy. Am I clear?"
"Yes ma'am."
"Miss... you bl..." Spike showed his teeth... or Malfoy's rather, in a rather false smile. "Yes, Miss, clear as crystal." If she could do half of the things the professors in the movie could, they were screwed, good and well.
"We'll be good, professor," Xander added.
He smiled as innocently as he knew how and hoped it looked convincing on Potter's face. It must have been okay enough because Professor McGonnagal sniffed disapprovingly at them and left.
"Well, that was interesting," he commented once she was out of earshot. "What do we do now?"
"You give me the thing that did it, that's what." Without waiting, he started to search Potter... Xander, through his robes, patting down his body, then moving his hands up his legs. Although he wasn't thinking sex... what else could he think of when his palm brushed over Xander's cock. He raised his gaze and locked it with Xander's.
Xander blushed and stepped back. It was usually easy enough for Spike to get a physical reaction out of him and now with all the teenage hormones added, it was just ridiculous.
"Stop groping," he said with a glare, "I don't have the thing."
"You've got something... you or Potter, anyways."
All joking aside, he wondered how they were going to get back. Not that a little adventure away from Sunnydale wasn't a welcome distraction. After all, he had been bored enough to go bother Giles of all people. But being stuck in someone else's body didn't appeal to him. More importantly, Potter might be a decent looking fellow, but Spike preferred Xander-shaped eye-candy. Those broad shoulders and the boy's corded chest really got him going at times.
"Shut up, Spike," Xander muttered.
He glared at the students loitering around and they promptly left the scene.
"Huh...must be the part where they think he's crazy or homicidal or something. They think that at least once a book," he grinned. "Come on, we'll go to the Gryffindor common room. We need to find Hermione Granger. She's the Willow of the bunch. Or the Giles. Possibly both," he said thoughtfully as he started for the closest set of stairs.
"Right... the movies version of Willow. Not a bad idea Harris."
Deep down, Spike knew that in this world... whether it was movie-land or Potter book-land, Xander had far more knowledge about its workings. He only knew as much as they'd gotten to watch on the DVD, and knowing there was sexual tension between the boys in the film was not that helpful. Hating to admit it, though, he pretended he knew where he was going, but allowed Xander to take the lead.
Near one of the strange stairs, there was a paper posted on the wall. "Hold on," he said, looking at it. "It's a list of students who are staying at Hogwarts during the hols."
Spike frowned as he went down the short list and found Draco was not on it. "At least I'm not in a loser's body... his family wants him," he noted, searching the deep pockets of his robe and eventually finding a quill pen. It had been so long since... Biting his lip in concentration, he scratched Draco's name onto the bottom of the list. "What's my last name?"
"Malfoy," Xander replied, rolling his eyes. "You think he's messing around with Potter but you don't even know his last name. Make sure you get the writing right, okay? Don't want the Death Eater parents to come whisk you off." He leaned closer and scanned the list. Hermione hadn't stayed in school over Christmas as far as he remembered but then, he'd only read the books once and it was a while ago. "I don't see Hermione's name."
Spike gave him a scathing look. As if he needed lessons in sneakiness. When he was done, he noted. "Think I'll need to write to dear old dad and find a reason for him not to come and get me, yeah?" He reviewed the list again. "No Ron... none of the names I recognize from the film, except you." There had to be a way out of this. He snapped his fingers. "We're wizards, right? So we should be able to spell ourselves back." Reaching for the wand in his pocket, he started waving it about. "Abraca bloody davra!" The end of his wand sizzled and smoked... but nothing happened.
"One: That was too close to the killing curse for my peace of mind," Xander said, raising one finger. "Two," he continued, one more finger going up, "you might accidentally blow something up if you keep trying random words, and three, don't aim the wand at me!"
Spike had the grace to wince. "Right... no aiming. But let's go find a spell book, or some help... must be something we can do. Wouldn't count on Giles to get us back any time soon, he seemed a bit annoyed by your presence."
They headed off, ostensibly to solve their problem, but were soon caught up in exploring the nooks and crannies of the old castle. The ghosts were disconcerting to Spike but Xander appeared to love them. Spike liked the dark, dungeon-like rooms... you never could tell what would pop out of them, but Harris kept pulling him away from those. Then there were the snow covered school grounds and forest.
Maybe the boyish enthusiasm of their host bodies was affecting them, Spike wasn't sure... but he knew he was less concerned than he should be about being stuck in Draco's body and life. He had just thrown a big snowball at Xander when he doubled over with pain.
"Aurgh.... my stomach. I'm dying," he shouted, trying to ease the gnawing pain by pressing his hands into his stomach.
"You big faker, I never even hit you!" Xander protested as he ran closer to Spike. The glare he received for his indignation was enough to make him shut up.
"What's it feel like?" His only response was a pained grunt. "Maybe you were cursed or something. We should take you to the infirmary."
He grabbed Spike's arm and started tugging him along, back to the castle. They'd found the infirmary that afternoon while they were exploring the castle and he was pretty sure he could find it again. Well, if none of the stairs moved anyway.
"It's like someone's taken a bloody spoon to my innards," Spike groaned, beads of sweat appearing on his forehead. He stumbled along, wondering what would happen to him if Draco's body died. "Ahhh...." A loud rumble erupted from his stomach. "I think it's the end of the road..." Pulling away, he leaned against the wall. "Shouldn't you be wishing me farewell or kissing me goodbye or... something?"
The moment Xander heard Spike's stomach rumbling he stopped tugging him along. A second rumble quickly followed the rest and Xander found it absolutely impossible not to laugh.
"Oh God...oh God" he kept repeating, unable to stop the giggling.
"What the bloody hell is the matter with you Harris?" Spike gave him a baleful look and doubled over once again. "I'm not faking it." Annoyed and scared, he started to move away. "If you're not going to help find the infirmary... then go." He'd probably expire before he found which of these confusing stairs lead to the right level, but why should Xander care.
"For fuck's sake Spike, you're hungry," Xander said, still giggling a little. "So am I, come to think of it. Come on, we can go to the erm...great hall? Whatever they call it."
"I'm what?! It hurts!" Could it be just hunger? Straightening up, Spike took a deep breath. Now that he put a name to the sensation, maybe it wasn't as bad as he'd thought. "Get me to the great hall then," he said, throwing an arm around the boy's shoulder and leaning into him. "Come on... this Draco fellow has a vicious stomach. It must be bewitched..."
"Or maybe he's human and needs food," Xander said dryly. He led the way to the hall, teasing Spike all the way there. There weren't many times when he could get the upper hand with Spike but on being human? Xander knew best!
His surly look didn't have half the effect it did back home. Wait till he learned how to control Draco's magic... Xander wouldn't look so smug then. Mentally insulting the boy all the way to the hall, but keeping his comments to himself in order to be sure he wouldn't be left stranded, Spike followed along. When they entered the great hall, they found one long table had students seated around it, already eating to their hearts' content. The rest of the long tables weren't set.
Questions were whispered to them, asking whether they'd had another fight and if anyone had died. All Spike knew was he had to get a bit of food inside him. Lowering himself into one of the chairs, he snagged someone's bread roll, dipped it into the sauce in the unknown boy's plate, and took a bite. "I'm in heaven, I think!"
Xander laughed again and settled down across from Spike. He laughed again as he took in the room, in excitement this time. This was even cooler than the films! There were huge trees lining the walls, with what looked like real snow on them and fairies dancing on their branches. One even had a fairy dressed like an angel pirouetting on top. The ceiling showed the snow falling outside, with the flakes disappearing half way down and there were thousands of candles floating over the tables.
He filled his plate and started to eat, still staring at the walls and ceiling in amazement. A hesitant voice broke into his bliss.
"Erm...Draco?"
Title: Spike and Xander's Excellent Hogwarts Adventure
Co-Authors: Cas (virtualpersonal) and Nash (nashmaveric)
Fandom: BtVS
Pairing: Spike/Xander
Rating: PG, fun, light, Christmas season
Characters: Not ours, Joss' - we're just playin' with 'em
Concrits: welcome in comments
More parts coming up on 22/12/07 for which the fall_for_sx mods have my eternal gratitute. ::hugs the stuffing out of the both of them::
Xander leaped towards Spike to grab the paperweight and somehow managed to land on a cold stone floor.
"What the hell?!" he exclaimed, then his eyes widened in shock. "This isn't my voice! This isn't even my accent!"
He looked frantically around. All he could see was a stone corridor with some very weird paintings on the walls and a strange blonde kid that looked vaguely familiar. He brought his panic under control and walked up to the boy.
"Excuse me," he said as politely as he could manage under the circumstances, "would you mind telling me exactly where we are?"
In a show of manliness, or vampireness, Spike hadn't yelped when he hit the sodding ground. But now, he found himself staring past wheat blond hair flopping over his eyes, at a brunet with round glasses, who looked just like....
"Harry fucking Potter!" Spike squinted, "how did you get out of the telly?" In that same instance, he became aware of certain changes in his body. He'd lost a few inches... something he couldn't bloody well afford to do, and his speech was overly refined. He looked up, and up, seeing stone walls and strange paintings in a very un-Giles-like corridor.
"Where?" Xander asked, looking behind him in search for Harry Potter. "What are you talking ab- oh no. No, no, no, no, no."
"Xander?" Spike leaned close and peered into the teenager's spectacles, and couldn't see even a glimmer of Xander, and yet... "Willow. She must have done this. Or Giles, just to get rid of us," he said, suddenly standing up and looking at his robed body and lifting his arms to look at the ridiculously cut long sleeves. "Get up. We're going home."
"It's not always Willow's fault you know," Xander automatically started to protest then drifted into silence. "Spike? You look like...and I look like..." his mind spun as he tried to figure out what just happened. He started recounting the past events out loud, trying to find some sense in them.
"We were arguing and you wanted to show me that Draco and Harry were all sexy with each other and you stole Giles's paperweight thing. And you said you wished..." he trailed off. "This is all your fault," Xander snapped.
"It's not my bloody fault you're an idiot and can't see beyond your nose. They were... are having sex." Some sounds had Spike turning to see a few teenagers making punching gestures. They thought this was another classic Harry/Draco confrontation.
"Give it to me. That thing... the thing that brought us, give it to me," he demanded.
"No! You're just going to wish us into more trouble."
"Gentlemen, may I remind you that you're under a warning?"
Xander looked behind him to find a rather severe-looking woman, decked out as a witch, complete with tartan pointy hat.
"Erm..."
"Mr. Potter, I will thank you to keep any excuses to yourself. This is a time for forgiveness and for amity and I won't have it disrupted by you and Mr. Malfoy. Am I clear?"
"Yes ma'am."
"Miss... you bl..." Spike showed his teeth... or Malfoy's rather, in a rather false smile. "Yes, Miss, clear as crystal." If she could do half of the things the professors in the movie could, they were screwed, good and well.
"We'll be good, professor," Xander added.
He smiled as innocently as he knew how and hoped it looked convincing on Potter's face. It must have been okay enough because Professor McGonnagal sniffed disapprovingly at them and left.
"Well, that was interesting," he commented once she was out of earshot. "What do we do now?"
"You give me the thing that did it, that's what." Without waiting, he started to search Potter... Xander, through his robes, patting down his body, then moving his hands up his legs. Although he wasn't thinking sex... what else could he think of when his palm brushed over Xander's cock. He raised his gaze and locked it with Xander's.
Xander blushed and stepped back. It was usually easy enough for Spike to get a physical reaction out of him and now with all the teenage hormones added, it was just ridiculous.
"Stop groping," he said with a glare, "I don't have the thing."
"You've got something... you or Potter, anyways."
All joking aside, he wondered how they were going to get back. Not that a little adventure away from Sunnydale wasn't a welcome distraction. After all, he had been bored enough to go bother Giles of all people. But being stuck in someone else's body didn't appeal to him. More importantly, Potter might be a decent looking fellow, but Spike preferred Xander-shaped eye-candy. Those broad shoulders and the boy's corded chest really got him going at times.
"Shut up, Spike," Xander muttered.
He glared at the students loitering around and they promptly left the scene.
"Huh...must be the part where they think he's crazy or homicidal or something. They think that at least once a book," he grinned. "Come on, we'll go to the Gryffindor common room. We need to find Hermione Granger. She's the Willow of the bunch. Or the Giles. Possibly both," he said thoughtfully as he started for the closest set of stairs.
"Right... the movies version of Willow. Not a bad idea Harris."
Deep down, Spike knew that in this world... whether it was movie-land or Potter book-land, Xander had far more knowledge about its workings. He only knew as much as they'd gotten to watch on the DVD, and knowing there was sexual tension between the boys in the film was not that helpful. Hating to admit it, though, he pretended he knew where he was going, but allowed Xander to take the lead.
Near one of the strange stairs, there was a paper posted on the wall. "Hold on," he said, looking at it. "It's a list of students who are staying at Hogwarts during the hols."
Spike frowned as he went down the short list and found Draco was not on it. "At least I'm not in a loser's body... his family wants him," he noted, searching the deep pockets of his robe and eventually finding a quill pen. It had been so long since... Biting his lip in concentration, he scratched Draco's name onto the bottom of the list. "What's my last name?"
"Malfoy," Xander replied, rolling his eyes. "You think he's messing around with Potter but you don't even know his last name. Make sure you get the writing right, okay? Don't want the Death Eater parents to come whisk you off." He leaned closer and scanned the list. Hermione hadn't stayed in school over Christmas as far as he remembered but then, he'd only read the books once and it was a while ago. "I don't see Hermione's name."
Spike gave him a scathing look. As if he needed lessons in sneakiness. When he was done, he noted. "Think I'll need to write to dear old dad and find a reason for him not to come and get me, yeah?" He reviewed the list again. "No Ron... none of the names I recognize from the film, except you." There had to be a way out of this. He snapped his fingers. "We're wizards, right? So we should be able to spell ourselves back." Reaching for the wand in his pocket, he started waving it about. "Abraca bloody davra!" The end of his wand sizzled and smoked... but nothing happened.
"One: That was too close to the killing curse for my peace of mind," Xander said, raising one finger. "Two," he continued, one more finger going up, "you might accidentally blow something up if you keep trying random words, and three, don't aim the wand at me!"
Spike had the grace to wince. "Right... no aiming. But let's go find a spell book, or some help... must be something we can do. Wouldn't count on Giles to get us back any time soon, he seemed a bit annoyed by your presence."
They headed off, ostensibly to solve their problem, but were soon caught up in exploring the nooks and crannies of the old castle. The ghosts were disconcerting to Spike but Xander appeared to love them. Spike liked the dark, dungeon-like rooms... you never could tell what would pop out of them, but Harris kept pulling him away from those. Then there were the snow covered school grounds and forest.
Maybe the boyish enthusiasm of their host bodies was affecting them, Spike wasn't sure... but he knew he was less concerned than he should be about being stuck in Draco's body and life. He had just thrown a big snowball at Xander when he doubled over with pain.
"Aurgh.... my stomach. I'm dying," he shouted, trying to ease the gnawing pain by pressing his hands into his stomach.
"You big faker, I never even hit you!" Xander protested as he ran closer to Spike. The glare he received for his indignation was enough to make him shut up.
"What's it feel like?" His only response was a pained grunt. "Maybe you were cursed or something. We should take you to the infirmary."
He grabbed Spike's arm and started tugging him along, back to the castle. They'd found the infirmary that afternoon while they were exploring the castle and he was pretty sure he could find it again. Well, if none of the stairs moved anyway.
"It's like someone's taken a bloody spoon to my innards," Spike groaned, beads of sweat appearing on his forehead. He stumbled along, wondering what would happen to him if Draco's body died. "Ahhh...." A loud rumble erupted from his stomach. "I think it's the end of the road..." Pulling away, he leaned against the wall. "Shouldn't you be wishing me farewell or kissing me goodbye or... something?"
The moment Xander heard Spike's stomach rumbling he stopped tugging him along. A second rumble quickly followed the rest and Xander found it absolutely impossible not to laugh.
"Oh God...oh God" he kept repeating, unable to stop the giggling.
"What the bloody hell is the matter with you Harris?" Spike gave him a baleful look and doubled over once again. "I'm not faking it." Annoyed and scared, he started to move away. "If you're not going to help find the infirmary... then go." He'd probably expire before he found which of these confusing stairs lead to the right level, but why should Xander care.
"For fuck's sake Spike, you're hungry," Xander said, still giggling a little. "So am I, come to think of it. Come on, we can go to the erm...great hall? Whatever they call it."
"I'm what?! It hurts!" Could it be just hunger? Straightening up, Spike took a deep breath. Now that he put a name to the sensation, maybe it wasn't as bad as he'd thought. "Get me to the great hall then," he said, throwing an arm around the boy's shoulder and leaning into him. "Come on... this Draco fellow has a vicious stomach. It must be bewitched..."
"Or maybe he's human and needs food," Xander said dryly. He led the way to the hall, teasing Spike all the way there. There weren't many times when he could get the upper hand with Spike but on being human? Xander knew best!
His surly look didn't have half the effect it did back home. Wait till he learned how to control Draco's magic... Xander wouldn't look so smug then. Mentally insulting the boy all the way to the hall, but keeping his comments to himself in order to be sure he wouldn't be left stranded, Spike followed along. When they entered the great hall, they found one long table had students seated around it, already eating to their hearts' content. The rest of the long tables weren't set.
Questions were whispered to them, asking whether they'd had another fight and if anyone had died. All Spike knew was he had to get a bit of food inside him. Lowering himself into one of the chairs, he snagged someone's bread roll, dipped it into the sauce in the unknown boy's plate, and took a bite. "I'm in heaven, I think!"
Xander laughed again and settled down across from Spike. He laughed again as he took in the room, in excitement this time. This was even cooler than the films! There were huge trees lining the walls, with what looked like real snow on them and fairies dancing on their branches. One even had a fairy dressed like an angel pirouetting on top. The ceiling showed the snow falling outside, with the flakes disappearing half way down and there were thousands of candles floating over the tables.
He filled his plate and started to eat, still staring at the walls and ceiling in amazement. A hesitant voice broke into his bliss.
"Erm...Draco?"