I am the one who said these things which hurt you. I am sorry, but I guess it doesn't mean much.
When we are scared, afraid, dreading a reaction, we do things we would not usually do. Scared of rejection, scared of being alone; more lonely than ever. In my case, I become paranoid and jumpy about this. I hide things from those I would otherwise consider my friends. I say things I sometimes don't mean.
On the flip side, trust is a two-way thing. I have opened up to people in the past, and not had it reciprocated, perhaps because that person is scared themselves. This is unfortunate, but with time perhaps they will realise, to quote, "the only thing we have to fear is fear itself".
What is more painful, perhaps, is when someone who you thought was being open to you actually distrusts you enough to pretend things are ok when they are not. You think everything is fine... but it is not, and in reality they write things in a journal they cannot or will not say to your face. I have been guilty of hiding my emotions from friends - in part because I am the sort of person who cannot stand to be forced into admitting things if people ask, and in part because I do not wish them to worry. I have not (yet) done the latter, but that is what you did, and although you might not have realised it, it hurt me a lot - I felt that you couldn't trust me anymore.
If I called you untrustworthy, it is because you have done those things which left me quetioning your trust of me. Trust, as I said, is a two way process. I didn't explain myself properly to you, which is where I was in the wrong. I have hurt you - again - and I can only apologise. I blurted out words which expressed how I felt at the time; did not qualify them or explain them. If I had, we wouldn't be in this situation. If there was a way to take words back, I would use it now. There is not.
Perhaps trust can be rebuilt, perhaps not - both ways. Time will tell.
This "anonymous BS" is because I do not have a FP account. In addition, it is not "BS"; I meant what I said. If you don't like it, that is not my problem.
When we are scared, afraid, dreading a reaction, we do things we would not usually do. Scared of rejection, scared of being alone; more lonely than ever. In my case, I become paranoid and jumpy about this. I hide things from those I would otherwise consider my friends. I say things I sometimes don't mean.
On the flip side, trust is a two-way thing. I have opened up to people in the past, and not had it reciprocated, perhaps because that person is scared themselves. This is unfortunate, but with time perhaps they will realise, to quote, "the only thing we have to fear is fear itself".
What is more painful, perhaps, is when someone who you thought was being open to you actually distrusts you enough to pretend things are ok when they are not. You think everything is fine... but it is not, and in reality they write things in a journal they cannot or will not say to your face. I have been guilty of hiding my emotions from friends - in part because I am the sort of person who cannot stand to be forced into admitting things if people ask, and in part because I do not wish them to worry. I have not (yet) done the latter, but that is what you did, and although you might not have realised it, it hurt me a lot - I felt that you couldn't trust me anymore.
If I called you untrustworthy, it is because you have done those things which left me quetioning your trust of me. Trust, as I said, is a two way process. I didn't explain myself properly to you, which is where I was in the wrong. I have hurt you - again - and I can only apologise. I blurted out words which expressed how I felt at the time; did not qualify them or explain them. If I had, we wouldn't be in this situation. If there was a way to take words back, I would use it now. There is not.
Perhaps trust can be rebuilt, perhaps not - both ways. Time will tell.
I'm sorry Martin.
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