I understand suicide.
I lost it all. I lost all of them. Andrea, all my old friends and noiw Danielle. All because I can't control my mouth or my mind. Why am I so idiotic? I'm going to ruin the best thing that ever happened to me......I don't know what to do. I've never felt this way before....I can;t stop the tears....they hurt so much. I don't even think my heart is there anymore...it just stopped. I can't feel things when I touch them and nothing seems to be really happening. It's all in slow-motion and I keep listening to the same song over and over and only the music and the pain let me know this is real. Like the song says...I've been buried alive by my own love. I sealed my coffin and I put in the nails in my coffin through my heart. I don't even want them gone. I'm writing this so I'll remember what it feels like to do what I've done. I don't ever want to forget the pain. I'm going to lose her...I can feel it in her words. I've fucked up for the last time..maybe the very last time. If I lose her what do I do? See her at school and just fall to my knees and cry? I can;t pretend to cope like I have before...this is so diferent. I can't lie to myself anymore about this. I'am dirt, a worthtless human being who has broken his last heart. I've hurt to many and I don't think they'll ever know how much...it hurts me that I was that way. I only pray....that she'll understand.