Logic went out your door, and something better came innuendo.
anonymous
September 6 2014, 20:07:05 UTC
"..Kabuto, we've got a problem." Sasuke caught up with the medic in one of his underground labs. When his statement garnered no response, he added. "It's about Orochimaru-sensei."
That got Kabuto's undivided attention. His mind raced through the possibilities. The host body they used was young, strong and virile. It was too soon for it to fail, and Orochimaru certainly wouldn't have attempted an exchange without the necessary chakra built up. Besides, Sasuke's body wasn't ready yet. He still lacked the proper modifications, the proper experience. He was still standing here...
"What's happened?"
"...He came across some scrolls I had in my bag."
Kabuto raised an eyebrow.
"They were tabloid scrolls, okay? I don't just run off to the hideouts of international criminals unprepared. I do research first."
"Your point, Uchiha?"
"They were about Orochimaru and well, you know..."
Again, Kabuto raised an eyebrow. "I know... what? The blackmail threats on orphanages, the missing children, it all points to one conclusion. Elaborate and dangerous human experimentation the likes of which haven't been done since the second Hokage was in power."
"Um... actually, it's been pointing to a different conclusion." Sasuke rubbed the back of his head.
"Like what?"
"KABUTO!!" The snake lord himself slid right in the back door, practically screaming. "Look at this! LOOK AT THIS! They... they think I molest children!!!"
The glasses nearly fell off Kabuto's face. "They think you WHAT?!"
"Kidnap and molest children!!" he repeated, slapping the papers down on the lab table. "That I use my snake jutsu on them, and they're not talking about summoning!"
Kabuto and Sasuke both cringed in disgust.
"For the love of... if I have to touch a specimen, I use gloves! I use gloves!! Host bodies are notoriously immunocompromised, and they think I'm living in a den of filth!!"
"Actually, I think that refers to 'filthy sex acts..."
"This is ridiculous! Preposterous! They probably think I'm having my way with YOU right now!" Orochimaru wailed, "You know I only want you for your body! And not like THAT!"
"Yeah. You made that pretty clear when I arrived."
"Exactly! And you came of your own free will!" he added. "You wanted a taste of my power, that's all. And we struck a deal like two perfectly reasonable consenting adults! But you don't see THAT on the front page, now do you?!"
"Lord Orochimaru, these are just tabloid scrolls after all." Kabuto attempted to reason with the flustered man. "You have to take them with a little bit of a grain of salt. I mean, underneath the whole, 'I had a snake up my va-jayjay' exclusive interview with a traumatized special jonin, there's a story about someone claiming to have had a Madara sighting in a Las Vegakure nightclub. It's pure rubbish."
"But... but..."
"Only an idiot would actually use such publications for actual fact-finding." Kabuto shot a glare at Sasuke over the rim of his glasses.
"Hey!"
"Are you sure?" he asked, one last time.
"Absolutely. Now if you're quite done with that nonsense, I have a specimen in room two that's ready for your inspection."
Orochimaru sighed. Yes, rubbish. That's all this was...
"Very well. Sasuke, get back to your kenjutsu practice. I don't want to see another limp, floppy thrust coming from your sword. If you haven't worked up a sweat by the time I get back, then you obviously aren't putting forth enough effort."
That got Kabuto's undivided attention. His mind raced through the possibilities. The host body they used was young, strong and virile. It was too soon for it to fail, and Orochimaru certainly wouldn't have attempted an exchange without the necessary chakra built up. Besides, Sasuke's body wasn't ready yet. He still lacked the proper modifications, the proper experience. He was still standing here...
"What's happened?"
"...He came across some scrolls I had in my bag."
Kabuto raised an eyebrow.
"They were tabloid scrolls, okay? I don't just run off to the hideouts of international criminals unprepared. I do research first."
"Your point, Uchiha?"
"They were about Orochimaru and well, you know..."
Again, Kabuto raised an eyebrow. "I know... what? The blackmail threats on orphanages, the missing children, it all points to one conclusion. Elaborate and dangerous human experimentation the likes of which haven't been done since the second Hokage was in power."
"Um... actually, it's been pointing to a different conclusion." Sasuke rubbed the back of his head.
"Like what?"
"KABUTO!!" The snake lord himself slid right in the back door, practically screaming. "Look at this! LOOK AT THIS! They... they think I molest children!!!"
The glasses nearly fell off Kabuto's face. "They think you WHAT?!"
"Kidnap and molest children!!" he repeated, slapping the papers down on the lab table. "That I use my snake jutsu on them, and they're not talking about summoning!"
Kabuto and Sasuke both cringed in disgust.
"For the love of... if I have to touch a specimen, I use gloves! I use gloves!! Host bodies are notoriously immunocompromised, and they think I'm living in a den of filth!!"
"Actually, I think that refers to 'filthy sex acts..."
"This is ridiculous! Preposterous! They probably think I'm having my way with YOU right now!" Orochimaru wailed, "You know I only want you for your body! And not like THAT!"
"Yeah. You made that pretty clear when I arrived."
"Exactly! And you came of your own free will!" he added. "You wanted a taste of my power, that's all. And we struck a deal like two perfectly reasonable consenting adults! But you don't see THAT on the front page, now do you?!"
"Lord Orochimaru, these are just tabloid scrolls after all." Kabuto attempted to reason with the flustered man. "You have to take them with a little bit of a grain of salt. I mean, underneath the whole, 'I had a snake up my va-jayjay' exclusive interview with a traumatized special jonin, there's a story about someone claiming to have had a Madara sighting in a Las Vegakure nightclub. It's pure rubbish."
"But... but..."
"Only an idiot would actually use such publications for actual fact-finding." Kabuto shot a glare at Sasuke over the rim of his glasses.
"Hey!"
"Are you sure?" he asked, one last time.
"Absolutely. Now if you're quite done with that nonsense, I have a specimen in room two that's ready for your inspection."
Orochimaru sighed. Yes, rubbish. That's all this was...
"Very well. Sasuke, get back to your kenjutsu practice. I don't want to see another limp, floppy thrust coming from your sword. If you haven't worked up a sweat by the time I get back, then you obviously aren't putting forth enough effort."
There was a grumble, "Yes, Orochimaru-sensei."
"Madara sighting indeed..."
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Las Vegakure indeed!
...and tabloid scrolls for investigative info! LMAO!!!
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