[Log][Kakami and Sakurai] Tea [Closed]
[OOC: RPed on aim, characters played respectively...be warned, it's like, ten pages >.>]
The clouds weren't really nice today, Sakurai noticed. They were grey around the edges, and black coming in from the east, where the wind direction was coming from. It'd probably rain pretty hard tonight. Then again, that was on par for course for the season. Of course, training with his former teacher - former only technically, Sachiko still referred to Kakami as 'sensei' - often gave him long periods of time to think.
The boy made an excellent weight to aide in Kakami's strength training, especially now that the training from the Hokage had caused him to start to fill out, though you could not yet tell under his usual clothing. While Kakami did push-ups and Sakurai rested on her back, he inevitably got to thinking about the 'not a date' with Naruko the night before. How wrong everything had went when for once Sakurai really did care about Naruko getting upset.
"...Hey, sensei?" he asked, looking down at Kakami.
Kakami had shut off her brain, all attention focused on the stretching and contracting of her muscles as they strained from the effort and the weight. Her breathing was perfectly synchronised with the movement, inhaling as she pushed up, exhaling as she sank back down. Up, down, the tension shifted up and down her arms, through her shoulder and down the long muscles of her back.
She blinked, her rhythm interrupted by a foreign sound. She looked up, cursing the salt in the bead of sweat that dripped into her exposed eye.
"Yeah?" She questioned gutturally, pushing the word out on an exhale as she recovered her pattern and sunk down on her arms again.
If Sakurai noticed Kakami's break in rhythm, he said nothing about it. "Well, I guess it's kind of a dumb question, but I don't have anyone else to really ask..." well, theoretically he had the Hokage, but that option was Right Out as soon as it came to mind. "How... how do you... talk to girls? Not to pick them up or anything, just so... they don't run off crying after talking for thirty minutes." Sakurai could feel his face heating up as he asked this, embarrassing as it was.
Kakami kept her pace steady as she listened, mentally awake now that it was required of her. She frowned slightly as his words seeped in, that was a slightly more serious topic of conversation than their norm. She rolled the question around in her mind, inspecting it and considering it as well as how to respond to it.
"Does this have anything to do with Naruko?" She asked, pausing with her arms extended so as to have the breath to speak properly, before sinking down again and appreciating strain it caused her upper body.
Sakurai let out a sigh, rubbing the back of his head. "So you heard, huh? I- I don't even know what I did! One minute she's her obnoxiously happy self and then she gets all upset... then she goes happy again, then upset again, and all but runs off crying. I don't know what to do."
With a sigh instead of her regular exhale, Kakami allowed herself to simply collapse onto the ground rather than supporting the weight. This was not a conversation in which she could hold up her end if she was doing push-ups.
"Alright, that's enough for today." She stated before pushing herself back up onto her feet and knocking Sakurai off her back.
"Let's get some tea." She held out her hand, wrapped in once white gauze, offering to help him up.
Sakurai tumbled rather indignantly to the ground, having not expected that turn of events. He gratefully - if a little embarrassed - accepted the hand up and dusted his pants off, as much he could get off by that alone. "Hai, sensei."
"You know..." she began as she picked up her long sleeved jounin shirt and pulled it on over her sleeveless undershirt "You really don't need to call me sensei anymore." She pulled on her green vest zipping it all the way up and taking her gloved out of the pocket.
"So, where's good for tea?" She questioned as she pulled them on over her wrapped hands. She wasn't one who frequented the village tea shops much.
With one of Sakurai's training methods from the Hokage being restricting his liquids to water and tea with no more than one teaspoon of sugar per cup from time to time, Sakurai had become something of an expert. "There's one about three blocks into the village from here, sense- ... um, Kakami-san."
"Lead on then." She suggested, smiling behind her habitual mask.
"And tell me about what happened with Naruko, she hasn't really said anything about it." Slipping her now gloved hands into her pants pockets, she waited for Sakurai to take the lead before falling into step with him.
"It's complicated, I guess?" Sakurai said. He recalled the events again from the dinner while he lead the way to the tea-house, moving his hitae-ate back up to it's usual higher position to keep his hair out of his eyes. "Well... okay, the first time was my fault and I know what I did, Naruko said something about me was cute and I voiced the thought of wondering if Sachiko would think the same thing. That was a jerk move, and I should have known better."
Kakami nodded as she listened, opening the door to the tea house for him to pass before her. Right now she was just letting him spill it all out so that she had a better grasp on the situation and some insight into what he really wanted her to say. She understood exactly what had gone wrong; they were both young and hadn't fully developed the screen between their thoughts and their words that stifled adult conversation. And though that was one of the things she liked about talking to her students, the downfall to not having that screen was that they also didn't have it to protect them.
Now to explain that to a fifteen year old boy and teach him how to make such a screen. Some days...well, some days. He trusted her and came to her for help, so help she would to the best of her ability.
Sakurai easily found a table for them, it wasn't yet time for the after-lunch rush and the table he liked best near the back corner window was still open. It offered a good view of the door as well, which was something he was trying to get used to going for automatically. Honestly, though, he liked it best because the view was to the training grounds and more serene than the others which looked to the city streets.
"The second time... alright, the second time was confusing. I don't think I said anything wrong. Well, I can see where she might have gotten a little upset, but I think I said some nice things too but they only made it worse." Sakurai gnawed on his bottom lip as he spoke, pulling Kakami's chair out for her without thinking. Ninja instinct might not be a strong point, but good manners were grilled into him since he was old enough to talk.
"Thank you." Kakami responded, amusement coloring her tone as she sat down in the chair he'd pulled out for her. She crossed her foot over her knee and leaned her elbows on the table, chin resting in one of her hands as she waited for Sakurai to sit as well. She approved of his choice of a slightly more secluded table at the back with a clear view of the door.
"What, exactly, did you say?" She asked him, brows drawn together slightly, creasing what was visible of her forehead.
Taking his own seat, Sakurai tapped a finger on the table as he thought exactly again. "...Well, you know, the three ninja of Sunagakure from the chuunin exams are coming to Konoha. And Leigh and Naruko are going to go spend the day with Gaara. Girl's day out and all. ... I just told Naruko to be careful, that's all. I even told her to have fun, though."
Kakami steepled her fingers together in front of her mask and gave Sakurai a piercing look. "Is that really all?" she asked mildly.
"...Well, Naruko got upset, said how 'no one trusts Gaara' and that's why she's so withdrawn and violent, and alluded to a troubled childhood... and, and I said I understand that, and it's horrible that she had to go through that because everyone should have parents that love them and all, but..." Sakurai's troubled look turned just slightly angry as he remembered the events of the chuunin exam years ago.
"...am I the only one who remembers that Gaara tried to kill her and Leigh and Sachiko, and got pretty damn close to succeeding? Leigh's life was almost ruined because of Gaara! And yes Gaara did save her later when they went after Sachiko, and that does count for something, but they're acting like all is forgiven now and there's nothing wrong!" he sighed, running his hand through his wild pink hair.
"It's not like I think Gaara's going to kill them now, I'm just a little on edge still. And even though I told Naruko that she's still acting like I killed her puppy or something." Sakurai's expression turned into a very distinct pout as he finished his story. He might be more mature than other boys his age, but that didn't mean he was beyond sulking now and then.
Kakami leaned back in her chair, hooking her arms over the back of its wooden frame. She contemplated her former student, picking and choosing her words carefully. She had to make sure that nothing she said sounded accusatory or could be interpreted that way, at the same time, she had to be sure to treat him like an adult. A wrong phrase would likely cause him to recoil from her and she really didn't want that.
"Do you think Naruko and Leigh have forgiven Gaara?" She asked him, her voice level and unassuming.
Sakurai snorted, displeased. "They obviously have. Which, I'd like to note, is their decision... but just seems..." he tried hard to think of the right word before realizing he had none. "I don't know. Something rings hypocritical about it, like Gaara gets to be a special case to Naruko because of Shuukaku, and Leigh -- well, Leigh likes everyone, regardless. If Kabumi came back and went 'Sorry guys! My bad!' the only reason anyone would pause from gutting her was to interrogate her for information about Oto, first."
Kakami nodded and was tempted to explain the difference in cases herself but being told something and figuring it out for yourself were to very different things. And in this case, it was definitely the later that was most appropriate.
"Why do you think they forgave Gaara?" She asked him, voice never fluxuating in tone and sticking gently to the subject at time.
Sakurai shrugged. He didn't understand how girls acted to each other. It was like there was this whole undercurrent to everything they said, except when you expected there to be. Then everything was face-value. "...Because that's what they chose to do?"
Kakami met his eyes, holding his focus and his attention. "Underneath the underneath." She reminded him.
Sakurai ran through possible reasons and outcomes in his mind as the waiter came over and took their order for tea, Sakurai getting an order of dumplings to go with it. It was about the time that the waiter came back with the steaming pot of tea and two cups along with the plate of dumplings that Sakurai reached a conclusion. "Leigh, probably... because she just thought the chuunin exam was the chuunin exam, and under normal circumstances Gaara might not have gone for the kill. Though that wouldn't be accounting for Gaara tracking Lee down in the hospital to try and finish the job. And because Gaara came to her rescue and saved her life, so that would make it 'even' for them. ... and because Leigh just doesn't seem like someone to hold a grudge about anything."
Kakami nodded, not yet responding. "And Naruko?"
"...because Naruko has been lonely, too." Sakurai answered, quietly.
"Lonely. Loneliness is a powerful emotion, it can drive one to madness, to extremes in every direction. Violence, forgiveness, determination." She spoke idly, eyes drifting to the window, looking at nothing in particular.
"It also has the power to connect people. Shared pain leads to understanding, something all three of them have been short on in their lives." She paused, looking away as she let her little speech settle as much on herself as in the air. Maybe her screen wasn't that good afterall.
"Follow me?" She asked, shaking off her momentary distraction and turning her attention back to the boy sitting across from her.
"Yeah." Sakurai let out a deep sigh, pouring the tea for both of them and adding just a little sugar to his own cup. "And it's not to say that their feelings, their reasons, aren't valid ones." Sakurai verbally ended that thought, there. 'I don't like that mine are treated as invalid' just seemed like whining, no matter how he put it. Maybe he was being irrational... but the memory of that moment that Gaara as Shuukaku went for Sachiko, with only Sakurai himself standing between them to stop the possessed girl...
"If you like, I can rationalise Gaara's actions to make them easier to accept and get over." She offered, deciding now might be a good time to be a bit more active in the conversation. "But I'm not entirely sure ‘forgiveness’ is the right word."
She shifted again, uncrossing her legs and leaning forward against the table.
"I think the right term is ‘understanding’. Gaara, Naruko and Leigh understand each other and for that understanding that they have all been lonely for, they are willing to go to the extremes required. Is that something you can understand?"
Sakurai leaned back in his chair, looking down into his cooling cup of tea at his own sullen reflection. "...I think so, yeah."
Just as he had finished his sentence, though, he shook his head. "No, actually. ... I've never been that lonely. I don't think I could ever really understand that."
Kakami smiled slightly behind her mask. "But you're trying to, and that's the important part. Now, even with a partial understanding, has your view on your conversation with Naruko changed at all?" She asked, bringing them back to the original event.
"I probably should have just shut the hell up and not said anything about Gaara."
"No, voicing your concern for your team mate is a good and honourable thing to do. I would recommend that next time you just...try to understand how she feels." She said the words as gently as she could, trying hard to avoid anything that might carry a sting when Sakurai heard them. She had a feeling she wasn't doing too good of a job at it, but she was doing her best and that's really all she could do. She leaned back in her chair again, crossing her legs and resting one of her arms along the back of the chair.
"I tried to, with Naruko! But after I told her to be careful and that I was worried for her and Leigh, it was like all she heard was I didn't adore Gaara like she did and she wasn't willing to listen to anything else." Sakurai felt himself getting more and more depressed at the memory. "I even admitted to liking her, and Leigh. That I was worried about them and cared about their safety. But all she heard was I didn't like one of her friends and nothing would cheer her up after that. Like, once I screw up once that's that and there's no way I can make amends for it. I'm not allowed to make mistakes."
She was right, she was totally blowing this.
"Sakurai, everyone makes mistakes. In fact, most people make much worse mistakes than you do, trust me. Is it possible...Naruko was upset over the idea that you didn't trust her judgement of people?" She threw it out there, it was possible and at this point, it was all she could think off as rational explanation.
"...I guess. Probably not much of a chance that she'll stop doing that anytime soon in that case, though, huh?" well, he'd just have to be careful what he said around her from now on. Or he could just keep up everything as normal and stop caring. ... When did he start caring in the first place?
"Naruko is just as prideful as you and Sachiko. And I'm sure the thought of her judgement not being trusted by her team mates, especially you, was a heavy blow." What was that awkward object obstructing her mouth? Oh yes, her foot. She resisted the urge to rub her temples.
"But don't worry, she'll bounce back. And she'll realise that you didn't mean to hurt her. Besides, there's always next time to try again." She smiled behind her mask, letting her voice carry it, hoping to somehow lighten the atmosphere and the weight that seemed to have settled on the youth's shoulders.
For the first time since they entered the tea house, Sakurai managed a smile. "Yeah, Naruko always seems to recover from anything... I guess I'm just letting anxiety from everything else spill over into just the little crisis from last night."
Kakami sympathised, she really did. She'd been just like him when she was kid, worrying and overanalysing everything. Mind you, she'd had false bravado to back her up at the time and eventually....it all exploded.
"Anxiety?" She questioned, her right eyebrow arching slightly. Better to talk about them than to let them build up. Here was hoping his pride wasn't nearly as prickly as her's had been.
Even if it was close, Sakurai felt comfortable in the presence of his former teacher, comfortable enough to continue on. "A lot of little things, mostly. And I've been examining my own life as well, at the Hokage's orders. 'Psychological training'. I've come up with some answers I don't like." the pink-haired boy prodded at one of the dumplings, depressed, adding another teaspoon of sugar to his cup of tea, diet be dammed. "Like, I'm wondering if my feelings for Sachiko are really as true as I keep saying they are. Sure, she's pretty and talented, and that's enough to warrant a crush, especially if you're twelve, but I've just never questioned it after that. She's mean to me, she avoids me, ignores me, every once in a while I'll get a scrap of affection but let's be honest, she shows more to Naruko than she shows to me."
Kakami watched him as he spoke, reading his body language as well as listening to his words. It was a very mature realisation, and she was proud of him for having made it. But it was also an obsession that had ruled his life for a good number of his young years so the thought alone must have been a harsh blow, let alone analysing it enough to understand it and share it. She was touched that he trusted her enough. But she was torn on how to respond. She would not lie to him; she had too much respect for him to lie. But she wasn't really sure he was ready for her true and honest opinion. So that left her with a gently, partial truth.
"How about you try only seeing Sachiko as a team mate for a while? I'm not saying disregard your feelings for her, but maybe take a step back from them. Get to know her all over again and see if you feel differently. If nothing else, it will allow you to fully appreciate her as a person rather than an ideal." She suggested it lightly, not putting too much weight on any of the words.
"That could be helpful. It's just- it got me wondering, you know? ... What if I don't actually care about her that way? What if I'm just scared of commitment so I went after someone who was so far out of my league that I'd never have to worry about her returning the feeling and having to deal with a real relationship?" Sakurai added another teaspoon of sugar before downing the cup in one chug as if it was a shot of alcohol.
"No, I definitely love her!" he declared suddenly, a determined look on his face. "I'll try what you suggested, though, Kakami-sen- ...san. But I'm certain my feelings are true."
Kakami watched him down the tea, an amused half smile on her lips. Her own still sat untouched, cooling on the table. Well, at least he had done some good self-analysis on this, Hokage-sama will be satisfied. Had she ever been so conflicted when she was his age? Had she had the time to be?
"I do not doubt your loyalty to Sachiko, Sakurai." She answered, agreeing in her own way.
Sakurai nodded, pouring himself another cup. "Thanks for listening to me and giving me advice, Kakami-san. I always feel I can come to you about anything."
Kakami smiled behind her mask. Well, at least one of her students felt that way.
"You always can. I hope I was helpful." She responded easily.
Sakurai nodded again, determined. "...Your tea is gonna get cold, Kakami-san." he commented before taking one of the dumplings.
Kakami blinked slightly before looking down at her still full cup of tea.
"So it will..." she commented blandly as she contemplated it.
"Green tea is good for you." Sakurai advised, leaning back and bumping the table in the process, which caused the chopsticks on the table to bounce and roll off to the floor. "Aw crap." Sakurai muttered - swearing, a true sign he was comfortable around Kakami - before shoving the rest of the dumpling in his mouth and leaning over to pick them up.
Kakami shrugged, the kid had a point. She picked up her cup and slid down her face mask, downing the now lukewarm but still delightfully bitter liquid. She sighed satisfactorily as the tea hit her stomach, the sound cleared than normal without her cloth mask muffling it. She set her cup back down on the table and pulled her mask back up over her face.
Sakurai's head darted up from behind the table just a second to late.
"Damn." he muttered, snapping his fingers. Well, next time. Next time.
Kakami laughed as she stretched out her legs to the side of the table, reclining in her chair, arms hooked over the back of it once more. She had to admire her students' determination and dedication when it came to seeing what she looked like behind her mask. But it was far more fun to play along than to just show them.
"I think you're having too much fun with this, Kakami-san!" Sakurai teased. Oh, he would see her face one day. And before Naruko and Sachiko, too. Just so he could gloat.
"Maybe...but a girl's gotta get her kicks where she can." She joked, lips still twisted into a smile under the cover of the dark cloth.
"You're twisted." Sakurai accused, sipping more tea.
"Yeah, I get that a lot." She said wryly as she watched him.
Sakurai continued to now contently sip his tea and eat a few of the dumplings. He let his eyes wander around the room and out the window, either intentionally or accidentally giving Kakami the privacy to continue her own meal as well.
Kakami was tempted to have another cup of tea, but if she moved she was sure to catch Sakurai's attention again so she simply decided to make herself some more tea when she got home later.
"So, how has your training been going with Godaime-sama?" She asked. She'd never been particularly proficient at the "saving lives" aspect of being a shinobi and so was curious about the subject.
"Ugh, don't even get me started." Sakurai muttered, focusing his gaze on the window now as he rested his chin in his palm. "...Don't get me wrong, it's very fulfilling and I'm happy I chose to learn, especially if I've got as much talent in it as he says, but... I swear in the last month alone I've had every major bone in by body broken at least three times."
"I think he's trying to teach you to dodge." Kakami teased lightly. "I'm glad it's working out for you though, I'll be sure to ask for you next time I need stitching up." She finished with a more serious tone, letting her pride in his achievements shine through just a bit.
Sakurai did, in fact, smile a little more proud for a moment before he told himself to be humble. "Try to not get hurt enough that you need me, huh?"
"I'll do what I can." She assured him, she would have winked but with one eye covered, it kinda defeated the purpose.
Sakurai shifted his gaze to Kakami for a moment, examining her expression.
"Uh huh. I'll see you in a week then, won't I?"
"Assuming neither of us are away." She agreed, nodding slightly, amused smile still playing on her lips.
"Just so you know, I can't re-attach limbs yet, so don't expect me to work any miracles." Though Sakurai tried to make it sound like he thought it was a chore, he kind of liked the idea of being able to show off his talents to someone other than Hokage-sama and his assistant, who's only comment were usually how to improve.
"You can't? Awww...so much for my plans on Friday." She lamented jokingly. It had been a while since she'd bantered with anyone; she'd forgotten it was fun.
"Only you would think that kind of thing would be fun!" Sakurai paused. "...Only you and Naruko would think that kind of thing would be fun." he amended.
Kakami laughed slightly. "No wonder she was put on my team."
"...Well, thinking about it, Sachiko would find that fun, too." Sakurai shook his head. "I was the only one with any sense on the team!"
"Which is why you were on the team, to balance us out. You did a good job of it too." Her mirth started to fade as a certain nostalgia started to creep in. Why was it that she always seemed to be looking back on the good times of her life?
Sakurai allowed himself another small, smug smile before a troubled look crossed his face. "...Why haven't you taken on any more genin students yet, Kakami-san?"
"Hm?" She stared at him blankly for a second as her brain processed the question. Why hadn't she? Well..."You guys were a special case which is why I tool you on in the first place. Right now I'm most needed in the available jounin ranks." She explained practically.
Sakurai tilted his head to the side as he thought about Kakami's answer. There was just something so sterile about it, he had to think that wasn't all there was to it. But getting a straight answer out of Kakami-sensei, he learned, was only twice as difficult as pulling teeth, and he wasn't feeling up to that today. "I'm sure Hokage-sama appreciates that."
Kakami smiled slightly behind her mask. "How about you? How's the chuunin workload treating you?" she asked, shifting the focus of the conversation easily.
"It's pretty easy, actually." Sakurai said as he thought aloud. "It's the training that's difficult. Then again, the genin missions seemed easy, too - well, except for that one to Mist - but the Chuunin exam seemed impossibly difficult, so I'm definitely going to wait at least two more years before I try for jounin." Sakurai was definitely going to be a jounin, though. Without a doubt. His father had given up being a ninja at chuunin - mostly because of an injury he had sustained on his second mission as one - while his mother was still a practicing jounin, going out on more missions now that Sakurai was out of the house as well. Though he entertained the idea of joining the ranks of the ANBU someday, being one of the elite was very appealing, Sakurai doubted they needed Medic-nin in particular, since so many missions were probably solo, and assassinations.
At least, in the over-dramatized stories he'd heard as a kid, they were.
She nodded, inwardly thankful that her students had gained chuunin rank during relative times of peace. It slowed their progress through the ranks, but it also allowed them to grow into their strength and appreciate their youth.
"It's good to pace yourself. The Jounin exam....well, it's something else. I do look forward to seeing you in the ranks in the future though." She assured him, not for a second doubting that she would.
Sakurai definitely benefited from the slower progress. Slow but steady, he was blooming into a very fine young man. "Ahhh? Don't tell me any more about it, I don't want to cheat." he grinned in the way that revealed he'd definitely be asking Kakami for advice about it when the time came.
Kakami smiled mysteriously to herself under her mask. "Cheating? Impossible. If you like, I can help you train for it when the time comes." She offered.
Years in advance and already making plans. She laughed at herself in the back of her mind. How funny that she expected herself to still be alive then, that was a new way of thinking.
"Ahh, that would no doubt be very helpful, Kakami-san!" it was at that moment, Sakurai got a glance down at his watch, eyes widening. "Oh, damn, I have to run. If I'm not home by dinner time and I haven't told mom and dad I have a mission, they freak out at me. Still."
"Oh, sorry for keeping you." Kakami sweat dropped slightly. "Tell you mom you were with me, it'll be fine." She added, a lopsided smile hiding under her mask.
"Nawww, ma thinks you're a 'bad influence'." Sakurai grinned again, keeping it hidden whether or not he was serious or joking. He put the money down on the table and nodded to Kakami. "See you in another few days, Kakami-san. Take care until then. Thanks again."
"Bye~" She waved and turned watching him leave.
"Bad influence?" She muttered to herself as she poured herself another cup of tea. "Hm..." She slid her mask down her face and sipped her tea contemplatively.
Really?
The clouds weren't really nice today, Sakurai noticed. They were grey around the edges, and black coming in from the east, where the wind direction was coming from. It'd probably rain pretty hard tonight. Then again, that was on par for course for the season. Of course, training with his former teacher - former only technically, Sachiko still referred to Kakami as 'sensei' - often gave him long periods of time to think.
The boy made an excellent weight to aide in Kakami's strength training, especially now that the training from the Hokage had caused him to start to fill out, though you could not yet tell under his usual clothing. While Kakami did push-ups and Sakurai rested on her back, he inevitably got to thinking about the 'not a date' with Naruko the night before. How wrong everything had went when for once Sakurai really did care about Naruko getting upset.
"...Hey, sensei?" he asked, looking down at Kakami.
Kakami had shut off her brain, all attention focused on the stretching and contracting of her muscles as they strained from the effort and the weight. Her breathing was perfectly synchronised with the movement, inhaling as she pushed up, exhaling as she sank back down. Up, down, the tension shifted up and down her arms, through her shoulder and down the long muscles of her back.
She blinked, her rhythm interrupted by a foreign sound. She looked up, cursing the salt in the bead of sweat that dripped into her exposed eye.
"Yeah?" She questioned gutturally, pushing the word out on an exhale as she recovered her pattern and sunk down on her arms again.
If Sakurai noticed Kakami's break in rhythm, he said nothing about it. "Well, I guess it's kind of a dumb question, but I don't have anyone else to really ask..." well, theoretically he had the Hokage, but that option was Right Out as soon as it came to mind. "How... how do you... talk to girls? Not to pick them up or anything, just so... they don't run off crying after talking for thirty minutes." Sakurai could feel his face heating up as he asked this, embarrassing as it was.
Kakami kept her pace steady as she listened, mentally awake now that it was required of her. She frowned slightly as his words seeped in, that was a slightly more serious topic of conversation than their norm. She rolled the question around in her mind, inspecting it and considering it as well as how to respond to it.
"Does this have anything to do with Naruko?" She asked, pausing with her arms extended so as to have the breath to speak properly, before sinking down again and appreciating strain it caused her upper body.
Sakurai let out a sigh, rubbing the back of his head. "So you heard, huh? I- I don't even know what I did! One minute she's her obnoxiously happy self and then she gets all upset... then she goes happy again, then upset again, and all but runs off crying. I don't know what to do."
With a sigh instead of her regular exhale, Kakami allowed herself to simply collapse onto the ground rather than supporting the weight. This was not a conversation in which she could hold up her end if she was doing push-ups.
"Alright, that's enough for today." She stated before pushing herself back up onto her feet and knocking Sakurai off her back.
"Let's get some tea." She held out her hand, wrapped in once white gauze, offering to help him up.
Sakurai tumbled rather indignantly to the ground, having not expected that turn of events. He gratefully - if a little embarrassed - accepted the hand up and dusted his pants off, as much he could get off by that alone. "Hai, sensei."
"You know..." she began as she picked up her long sleeved jounin shirt and pulled it on over her sleeveless undershirt "You really don't need to call me sensei anymore." She pulled on her green vest zipping it all the way up and taking her gloved out of the pocket.
"So, where's good for tea?" She questioned as she pulled them on over her wrapped hands. She wasn't one who frequented the village tea shops much.
With one of Sakurai's training methods from the Hokage being restricting his liquids to water and tea with no more than one teaspoon of sugar per cup from time to time, Sakurai had become something of an expert. "There's one about three blocks into the village from here, sense- ... um, Kakami-san."
"Lead on then." She suggested, smiling behind her habitual mask.
"And tell me about what happened with Naruko, she hasn't really said anything about it." Slipping her now gloved hands into her pants pockets, she waited for Sakurai to take the lead before falling into step with him.
"It's complicated, I guess?" Sakurai said. He recalled the events again from the dinner while he lead the way to the tea-house, moving his hitae-ate back up to it's usual higher position to keep his hair out of his eyes. "Well... okay, the first time was my fault and I know what I did, Naruko said something about me was cute and I voiced the thought of wondering if Sachiko would think the same thing. That was a jerk move, and I should have known better."
Kakami nodded as she listened, opening the door to the tea house for him to pass before her. Right now she was just letting him spill it all out so that she had a better grasp on the situation and some insight into what he really wanted her to say. She understood exactly what had gone wrong; they were both young and hadn't fully developed the screen between their thoughts and their words that stifled adult conversation. And though that was one of the things she liked about talking to her students, the downfall to not having that screen was that they also didn't have it to protect them.
Now to explain that to a fifteen year old boy and teach him how to make such a screen. Some days...well, some days. He trusted her and came to her for help, so help she would to the best of her ability.
Sakurai easily found a table for them, it wasn't yet time for the after-lunch rush and the table he liked best near the back corner window was still open. It offered a good view of the door as well, which was something he was trying to get used to going for automatically. Honestly, though, he liked it best because the view was to the training grounds and more serene than the others which looked to the city streets.
"The second time... alright, the second time was confusing. I don't think I said anything wrong. Well, I can see where she might have gotten a little upset, but I think I said some nice things too but they only made it worse." Sakurai gnawed on his bottom lip as he spoke, pulling Kakami's chair out for her without thinking. Ninja instinct might not be a strong point, but good manners were grilled into him since he was old enough to talk.
"Thank you." Kakami responded, amusement coloring her tone as she sat down in the chair he'd pulled out for her. She crossed her foot over her knee and leaned her elbows on the table, chin resting in one of her hands as she waited for Sakurai to sit as well. She approved of his choice of a slightly more secluded table at the back with a clear view of the door.
"What, exactly, did you say?" She asked him, brows drawn together slightly, creasing what was visible of her forehead.
Taking his own seat, Sakurai tapped a finger on the table as he thought exactly again. "...Well, you know, the three ninja of Sunagakure from the chuunin exams are coming to Konoha. And Leigh and Naruko are going to go spend the day with Gaara. Girl's day out and all. ... I just told Naruko to be careful, that's all. I even told her to have fun, though."
Kakami steepled her fingers together in front of her mask and gave Sakurai a piercing look. "Is that really all?" she asked mildly.
"...Well, Naruko got upset, said how 'no one trusts Gaara' and that's why she's so withdrawn and violent, and alluded to a troubled childhood... and, and I said I understand that, and it's horrible that she had to go through that because everyone should have parents that love them and all, but..." Sakurai's troubled look turned just slightly angry as he remembered the events of the chuunin exam years ago.
"...am I the only one who remembers that Gaara tried to kill her and Leigh and Sachiko, and got pretty damn close to succeeding? Leigh's life was almost ruined because of Gaara! And yes Gaara did save her later when they went after Sachiko, and that does count for something, but they're acting like all is forgiven now and there's nothing wrong!" he sighed, running his hand through his wild pink hair.
"It's not like I think Gaara's going to kill them now, I'm just a little on edge still. And even though I told Naruko that she's still acting like I killed her puppy or something." Sakurai's expression turned into a very distinct pout as he finished his story. He might be more mature than other boys his age, but that didn't mean he was beyond sulking now and then.
Kakami leaned back in her chair, hooking her arms over the back of its wooden frame. She contemplated her former student, picking and choosing her words carefully. She had to make sure that nothing she said sounded accusatory or could be interpreted that way, at the same time, she had to be sure to treat him like an adult. A wrong phrase would likely cause him to recoil from her and she really didn't want that.
"Do you think Naruko and Leigh have forgiven Gaara?" She asked him, her voice level and unassuming.
Sakurai snorted, displeased. "They obviously have. Which, I'd like to note, is their decision... but just seems..." he tried hard to think of the right word before realizing he had none. "I don't know. Something rings hypocritical about it, like Gaara gets to be a special case to Naruko because of Shuukaku, and Leigh -- well, Leigh likes everyone, regardless. If Kabumi came back and went 'Sorry guys! My bad!' the only reason anyone would pause from gutting her was to interrogate her for information about Oto, first."
Kakami nodded and was tempted to explain the difference in cases herself but being told something and figuring it out for yourself were to very different things. And in this case, it was definitely the later that was most appropriate.
"Why do you think they forgave Gaara?" She asked him, voice never fluxuating in tone and sticking gently to the subject at time.
Sakurai shrugged. He didn't understand how girls acted to each other. It was like there was this whole undercurrent to everything they said, except when you expected there to be. Then everything was face-value. "...Because that's what they chose to do?"
Kakami met his eyes, holding his focus and his attention. "Underneath the underneath." She reminded him.
Sakurai ran through possible reasons and outcomes in his mind as the waiter came over and took their order for tea, Sakurai getting an order of dumplings to go with it. It was about the time that the waiter came back with the steaming pot of tea and two cups along with the plate of dumplings that Sakurai reached a conclusion. "Leigh, probably... because she just thought the chuunin exam was the chuunin exam, and under normal circumstances Gaara might not have gone for the kill. Though that wouldn't be accounting for Gaara tracking Lee down in the hospital to try and finish the job. And because Gaara came to her rescue and saved her life, so that would make it 'even' for them. ... and because Leigh just doesn't seem like someone to hold a grudge about anything."
Kakami nodded, not yet responding. "And Naruko?"
"...because Naruko has been lonely, too." Sakurai answered, quietly.
"Lonely. Loneliness is a powerful emotion, it can drive one to madness, to extremes in every direction. Violence, forgiveness, determination." She spoke idly, eyes drifting to the window, looking at nothing in particular.
"It also has the power to connect people. Shared pain leads to understanding, something all three of them have been short on in their lives." She paused, looking away as she let her little speech settle as much on herself as in the air. Maybe her screen wasn't that good afterall.
"Follow me?" She asked, shaking off her momentary distraction and turning her attention back to the boy sitting across from her.
"Yeah." Sakurai let out a deep sigh, pouring the tea for both of them and adding just a little sugar to his own cup. "And it's not to say that their feelings, their reasons, aren't valid ones." Sakurai verbally ended that thought, there. 'I don't like that mine are treated as invalid' just seemed like whining, no matter how he put it. Maybe he was being irrational... but the memory of that moment that Gaara as Shuukaku went for Sachiko, with only Sakurai himself standing between them to stop the possessed girl...
"If you like, I can rationalise Gaara's actions to make them easier to accept and get over." She offered, deciding now might be a good time to be a bit more active in the conversation. "But I'm not entirely sure ‘forgiveness’ is the right word."
She shifted again, uncrossing her legs and leaning forward against the table.
"I think the right term is ‘understanding’. Gaara, Naruko and Leigh understand each other and for that understanding that they have all been lonely for, they are willing to go to the extremes required. Is that something you can understand?"
Sakurai leaned back in his chair, looking down into his cooling cup of tea at his own sullen reflection. "...I think so, yeah."
Just as he had finished his sentence, though, he shook his head. "No, actually. ... I've never been that lonely. I don't think I could ever really understand that."
Kakami smiled slightly behind her mask. "But you're trying to, and that's the important part. Now, even with a partial understanding, has your view on your conversation with Naruko changed at all?" She asked, bringing them back to the original event.
"I probably should have just shut the hell up and not said anything about Gaara."
"No, voicing your concern for your team mate is a good and honourable thing to do. I would recommend that next time you just...try to understand how she feels." She said the words as gently as she could, trying hard to avoid anything that might carry a sting when Sakurai heard them. She had a feeling she wasn't doing too good of a job at it, but she was doing her best and that's really all she could do. She leaned back in her chair again, crossing her legs and resting one of her arms along the back of the chair.
"I tried to, with Naruko! But after I told her to be careful and that I was worried for her and Leigh, it was like all she heard was I didn't adore Gaara like she did and she wasn't willing to listen to anything else." Sakurai felt himself getting more and more depressed at the memory. "I even admitted to liking her, and Leigh. That I was worried about them and cared about their safety. But all she heard was I didn't like one of her friends and nothing would cheer her up after that. Like, once I screw up once that's that and there's no way I can make amends for it. I'm not allowed to make mistakes."
She was right, she was totally blowing this.
"Sakurai, everyone makes mistakes. In fact, most people make much worse mistakes than you do, trust me. Is it possible...Naruko was upset over the idea that you didn't trust her judgement of people?" She threw it out there, it was possible and at this point, it was all she could think off as rational explanation.
"...I guess. Probably not much of a chance that she'll stop doing that anytime soon in that case, though, huh?" well, he'd just have to be careful what he said around her from now on. Or he could just keep up everything as normal and stop caring. ... When did he start caring in the first place?
"Naruko is just as prideful as you and Sachiko. And I'm sure the thought of her judgement not being trusted by her team mates, especially you, was a heavy blow." What was that awkward object obstructing her mouth? Oh yes, her foot. She resisted the urge to rub her temples.
"But don't worry, she'll bounce back. And she'll realise that you didn't mean to hurt her. Besides, there's always next time to try again." She smiled behind her mask, letting her voice carry it, hoping to somehow lighten the atmosphere and the weight that seemed to have settled on the youth's shoulders.
For the first time since they entered the tea house, Sakurai managed a smile. "Yeah, Naruko always seems to recover from anything... I guess I'm just letting anxiety from everything else spill over into just the little crisis from last night."
Kakami sympathised, she really did. She'd been just like him when she was kid, worrying and overanalysing everything. Mind you, she'd had false bravado to back her up at the time and eventually....it all exploded.
"Anxiety?" She questioned, her right eyebrow arching slightly. Better to talk about them than to let them build up. Here was hoping his pride wasn't nearly as prickly as her's had been.
Even if it was close, Sakurai felt comfortable in the presence of his former teacher, comfortable enough to continue on. "A lot of little things, mostly. And I've been examining my own life as well, at the Hokage's orders. 'Psychological training'. I've come up with some answers I don't like." the pink-haired boy prodded at one of the dumplings, depressed, adding another teaspoon of sugar to his cup of tea, diet be dammed. "Like, I'm wondering if my feelings for Sachiko are really as true as I keep saying they are. Sure, she's pretty and talented, and that's enough to warrant a crush, especially if you're twelve, but I've just never questioned it after that. She's mean to me, she avoids me, ignores me, every once in a while I'll get a scrap of affection but let's be honest, she shows more to Naruko than she shows to me."
Kakami watched him as he spoke, reading his body language as well as listening to his words. It was a very mature realisation, and she was proud of him for having made it. But it was also an obsession that had ruled his life for a good number of his young years so the thought alone must have been a harsh blow, let alone analysing it enough to understand it and share it. She was touched that he trusted her enough. But she was torn on how to respond. She would not lie to him; she had too much respect for him to lie. But she wasn't really sure he was ready for her true and honest opinion. So that left her with a gently, partial truth.
"How about you try only seeing Sachiko as a team mate for a while? I'm not saying disregard your feelings for her, but maybe take a step back from them. Get to know her all over again and see if you feel differently. If nothing else, it will allow you to fully appreciate her as a person rather than an ideal." She suggested it lightly, not putting too much weight on any of the words.
"That could be helpful. It's just- it got me wondering, you know? ... What if I don't actually care about her that way? What if I'm just scared of commitment so I went after someone who was so far out of my league that I'd never have to worry about her returning the feeling and having to deal with a real relationship?" Sakurai added another teaspoon of sugar before downing the cup in one chug as if it was a shot of alcohol.
"No, I definitely love her!" he declared suddenly, a determined look on his face. "I'll try what you suggested, though, Kakami-sen- ...san. But I'm certain my feelings are true."
Kakami watched him down the tea, an amused half smile on her lips. Her own still sat untouched, cooling on the table. Well, at least he had done some good self-analysis on this, Hokage-sama will be satisfied. Had she ever been so conflicted when she was his age? Had she had the time to be?
"I do not doubt your loyalty to Sachiko, Sakurai." She answered, agreeing in her own way.
Sakurai nodded, pouring himself another cup. "Thanks for listening to me and giving me advice, Kakami-san. I always feel I can come to you about anything."
Kakami smiled behind her mask. Well, at least one of her students felt that way.
"You always can. I hope I was helpful." She responded easily.
Sakurai nodded again, determined. "...Your tea is gonna get cold, Kakami-san." he commented before taking one of the dumplings.
Kakami blinked slightly before looking down at her still full cup of tea.
"So it will..." she commented blandly as she contemplated it.
"Green tea is good for you." Sakurai advised, leaning back and bumping the table in the process, which caused the chopsticks on the table to bounce and roll off to the floor. "Aw crap." Sakurai muttered - swearing, a true sign he was comfortable around Kakami - before shoving the rest of the dumpling in his mouth and leaning over to pick them up.
Kakami shrugged, the kid had a point. She picked up her cup and slid down her face mask, downing the now lukewarm but still delightfully bitter liquid. She sighed satisfactorily as the tea hit her stomach, the sound cleared than normal without her cloth mask muffling it. She set her cup back down on the table and pulled her mask back up over her face.
Sakurai's head darted up from behind the table just a second to late.
"Damn." he muttered, snapping his fingers. Well, next time. Next time.
Kakami laughed as she stretched out her legs to the side of the table, reclining in her chair, arms hooked over the back of it once more. She had to admire her students' determination and dedication when it came to seeing what she looked like behind her mask. But it was far more fun to play along than to just show them.
"I think you're having too much fun with this, Kakami-san!" Sakurai teased. Oh, he would see her face one day. And before Naruko and Sachiko, too. Just so he could gloat.
"Maybe...but a girl's gotta get her kicks where she can." She joked, lips still twisted into a smile under the cover of the dark cloth.
"You're twisted." Sakurai accused, sipping more tea.
"Yeah, I get that a lot." She said wryly as she watched him.
Sakurai continued to now contently sip his tea and eat a few of the dumplings. He let his eyes wander around the room and out the window, either intentionally or accidentally giving Kakami the privacy to continue her own meal as well.
Kakami was tempted to have another cup of tea, but if she moved she was sure to catch Sakurai's attention again so she simply decided to make herself some more tea when she got home later.
"So, how has your training been going with Godaime-sama?" She asked. She'd never been particularly proficient at the "saving lives" aspect of being a shinobi and so was curious about the subject.
"Ugh, don't even get me started." Sakurai muttered, focusing his gaze on the window now as he rested his chin in his palm. "...Don't get me wrong, it's very fulfilling and I'm happy I chose to learn, especially if I've got as much talent in it as he says, but... I swear in the last month alone I've had every major bone in by body broken at least three times."
"I think he's trying to teach you to dodge." Kakami teased lightly. "I'm glad it's working out for you though, I'll be sure to ask for you next time I need stitching up." She finished with a more serious tone, letting her pride in his achievements shine through just a bit.
Sakurai did, in fact, smile a little more proud for a moment before he told himself to be humble. "Try to not get hurt enough that you need me, huh?"
"I'll do what I can." She assured him, she would have winked but with one eye covered, it kinda defeated the purpose.
Sakurai shifted his gaze to Kakami for a moment, examining her expression.
"Uh huh. I'll see you in a week then, won't I?"
"Assuming neither of us are away." She agreed, nodding slightly, amused smile still playing on her lips.
"Just so you know, I can't re-attach limbs yet, so don't expect me to work any miracles." Though Sakurai tried to make it sound like he thought it was a chore, he kind of liked the idea of being able to show off his talents to someone other than Hokage-sama and his assistant, who's only comment were usually how to improve.
"You can't? Awww...so much for my plans on Friday." She lamented jokingly. It had been a while since she'd bantered with anyone; she'd forgotten it was fun.
"Only you would think that kind of thing would be fun!" Sakurai paused. "...Only you and Naruko would think that kind of thing would be fun." he amended.
Kakami laughed slightly. "No wonder she was put on my team."
"...Well, thinking about it, Sachiko would find that fun, too." Sakurai shook his head. "I was the only one with any sense on the team!"
"Which is why you were on the team, to balance us out. You did a good job of it too." Her mirth started to fade as a certain nostalgia started to creep in. Why was it that she always seemed to be looking back on the good times of her life?
Sakurai allowed himself another small, smug smile before a troubled look crossed his face. "...Why haven't you taken on any more genin students yet, Kakami-san?"
"Hm?" She stared at him blankly for a second as her brain processed the question. Why hadn't she? Well..."You guys were a special case which is why I tool you on in the first place. Right now I'm most needed in the available jounin ranks." She explained practically.
Sakurai tilted his head to the side as he thought about Kakami's answer. There was just something so sterile about it, he had to think that wasn't all there was to it. But getting a straight answer out of Kakami-sensei, he learned, was only twice as difficult as pulling teeth, and he wasn't feeling up to that today. "I'm sure Hokage-sama appreciates that."
Kakami smiled slightly behind her mask. "How about you? How's the chuunin workload treating you?" she asked, shifting the focus of the conversation easily.
"It's pretty easy, actually." Sakurai said as he thought aloud. "It's the training that's difficult. Then again, the genin missions seemed easy, too - well, except for that one to Mist - but the Chuunin exam seemed impossibly difficult, so I'm definitely going to wait at least two more years before I try for jounin." Sakurai was definitely going to be a jounin, though. Without a doubt. His father had given up being a ninja at chuunin - mostly because of an injury he had sustained on his second mission as one - while his mother was still a practicing jounin, going out on more missions now that Sakurai was out of the house as well. Though he entertained the idea of joining the ranks of the ANBU someday, being one of the elite was very appealing, Sakurai doubted they needed Medic-nin in particular, since so many missions were probably solo, and assassinations.
At least, in the over-dramatized stories he'd heard as a kid, they were.
She nodded, inwardly thankful that her students had gained chuunin rank during relative times of peace. It slowed their progress through the ranks, but it also allowed them to grow into their strength and appreciate their youth.
"It's good to pace yourself. The Jounin exam....well, it's something else. I do look forward to seeing you in the ranks in the future though." She assured him, not for a second doubting that she would.
Sakurai definitely benefited from the slower progress. Slow but steady, he was blooming into a very fine young man. "Ahhh? Don't tell me any more about it, I don't want to cheat." he grinned in the way that revealed he'd definitely be asking Kakami for advice about it when the time came.
Kakami smiled mysteriously to herself under her mask. "Cheating? Impossible. If you like, I can help you train for it when the time comes." She offered.
Years in advance and already making plans. She laughed at herself in the back of her mind. How funny that she expected herself to still be alive then, that was a new way of thinking.
"Ahh, that would no doubt be very helpful, Kakami-san!" it was at that moment, Sakurai got a glance down at his watch, eyes widening. "Oh, damn, I have to run. If I'm not home by dinner time and I haven't told mom and dad I have a mission, they freak out at me. Still."
"Oh, sorry for keeping you." Kakami sweat dropped slightly. "Tell you mom you were with me, it'll be fine." She added, a lopsided smile hiding under her mask.
"Nawww, ma thinks you're a 'bad influence'." Sakurai grinned again, keeping it hidden whether or not he was serious or joking. He put the money down on the table and nodded to Kakami. "See you in another few days, Kakami-san. Take care until then. Thanks again."
"Bye~" She waved and turned watching him leave.
"Bad influence?" She muttered to herself as she poured herself another cup of tea. "Hm..." She slid her mask down her face and sipped her tea contemplatively.
Really?