[Log] Don't Lie [Hinaji, Hiashiko]
When his mother finally gave him a date to come meet her, Hinaji had felt more confident than he'd thought possible. The news he'd come home to had shaken him badly, and the only way to prove it for himself was to confront Hiashiko. But as the time drew closer, the confidence he'd first had had seemed to wane and be replaced with uncertainty and anger. Everywhere around him he heard whispers, caught furtive glances among the Branch.
Was he really the only one who hadn't known?
Hinaji was bad at hiding his own emotions, but around his family--especially his mother--he tried more than ever. He thought that maybe, by now, he'd managed to become a better Hyuuga in that respect. But the closer he came to his mother's door, the more he couldn't keep his feelings in check. The whispers and rumors wouldn't stop, and it hurt knowing he hadn't been told the truth. He'd been home for days now, surely...
He knocked, harder than he could ever remember doing, and stood staring at the wood of the door with his hands clenched tightly at his sides.
There was no reason for Hiashiko to have waited so long. But it had been nearly two months, and what was new news was now old news, and Hinaji's return hadn't rekindled urgency. She should apologize.
The knock came, sudden and loud, and Hiashiko went to answer it. "Come in, Hinaji," she said as she opened the door.
...he was angry. Hinaji's normally gentle hands were clenched into fists, his jaw was taut, his eyes narrowed. She shouldn't be surprised.
But she was.
He bowed--a little curtly--once the door was open. "Thank you." He took a deep breath before entering, and forced his hands smooth at his sides. It wouldn't do to go into this with strong emotions. He had to be calm, and rational, and discuss things.
Her room was as plain as he remembered, but he still took a second to glance around to get his bearings. Despite days of waiting he really didn't have anything prepared to ask. Everything he thought of sounded like an accusation, and that wouldn't help them at all. But skirting around the issue would just use up her time.
"I...had a question. About something I've been hearing." Perhaps he should have been more direct, but he couldn't bring himself to ask. If it was true... His hands clenched at his sides again for a moment before he brought himself under control again. "...About all the rumors I've been hearing."
She should have told him the moment she knew he was home. It would have been the responsible thing to do--the right thing to do--but even she could acknowledge her own weakness. She hadn't wanted to dredge it all up again. The watershed moment of her life had gone by, and she had no desire to look back.
But the way Hinaji's hands moved back and forth between being painfully still and tightly clenched only highlighted how poorly she had dealt with...with everything as of late. "Do you want to sit, Hinaji?" Not that a change in position would do much to help.
The offer came as a surprise to him, and his hands stilled at his sides as he looked at her questioningly. She didn't sound like he thought she would. Just what had happened to make her change in her actions with him so much?
"...Thank you." He took a seat on the tatami, legs folded beneath him in the traditional style. He watched Hiashiko carefully though, and tried to get a grasp on his emotions before asking what he really needed to know.
"...Are they true, then?"
Hiashiko was relieved that her eldest son took a seat. She followed him, and inwardly braced herself for...
Change. That was the word that had been eluding her. The last weeks had brought nothing else but upheaval and change, and her was yet more to add to her altered world.
"It depends upon the rumor, Hinaji." It could have been a scolding statement, but it wasn't. Weary was a word Hiashiko had become quickly accustomed to in the last weeks. "My sister is alive, and she should be returning from the hospital shortly."
Hinaji's hands fisted in the fabric of his pants and his whole body felt rigid. "...I see." So they had been true. "They said that happened weeks ago?" He had been gone, true, but. He'd been home for almost a week now. No matter how much he tried to push it away, that fact made his heart hurt the most. He should have known better than to think he would be considered as more than just another Branch member, but still.
He hadn't wanted to believe his mother had dropped him so thoroughly.
"You're alright with this?"
She was missing something, something critical. "All right with what, Hinaji?"
His hands tightened again. He briefly wondered if she was mocking him, but even he knew she would never do that. "With having your sister alive suddenly after so many years." He studied the tatami. "I would think you would be with her all the time. Aren't you happy she's alive?"
He didn't know the relationship between his mother and aunt--he'd only seen the other woman a few times that he could remember. But her death had been the reason for Hiashiko's bitter coldness, for Nejiko's decent into hatred and for all the tension and pain she'd caused to the rest of the clan. His chest hurt at the memory of the chuunin exam.
Didn't Hizashiko's reappearance affect Hiashiko at all? Was that why she hadn't told him? It wasn't important?
She watched her eldest son and wondered at his reaction. His body screamed anger, though he kept his eyes downward, and the accusatory nature of his words continued to catch her off-guard. For all her talent, Hiashiko could not read thoughts, only the body, and while the later gave hints about the former, she knew she was missing something key. Surely he could not be so upset over simply not being told--officially, no one knew, and it was just a matter of days before the announcement would be made public.
"Of course I'm happy she's alive," Hiashiko said, lacing her fingers together. "That doesn't mean I should smother her. She needs time with Nejiko and to be by herself." And the Elders didn't let her out of their sight for very long, either. "I would have thought Hanabi or Nejiko would have told you by now." Either they would have, or Hinaji would have found out along with everyone else. He was he taking this lack of information as a personal affront, almost.
Perhaps he was taking it too personally, but he couldn't stop himself from feeling bitter. Because of the rumors he assumed everyone else already knew, and that she expected his brother or cousin to tell him hurt. He knew he was disliked, but he'd hoped maybe there were still some feelings left towards him. This was just a convenient excuse to get riled up about something he'd been letting fester for too long.
"I see." He took a deep breath and lifted his eyes, but as always he couldn't keep her gaze. He doubted that would ever change, no matter how angry or hurt he was. "...Then I apologize." The words sounded hollow, and he knew it was bad, but he pushed back whatever he was feeling and forced it away. Confronting her over this seemed so foolish now, and as much as he wanted, he couldn't muster the energy.
Everything seemed to be slipping through her grasp. She and Hinaji had never been close, but this...
"Hinaji, what's wrong?"
Her question stung and he grit his teeth. Apparently all his energy hadn't disappeared after all. He tried to convince himself it was obvious she wouldn't know what was wrong--he hadn't really said anything at all. But she was his mother, and she should at least know some of the reasons behind this discussion, shouldn't she? And the more the illogical thoughts continued, the more emotional he became.
"You..." His voice was soft, barely above a whisper, and he glared at the tatami in front of him. "You of all people should know, shouldn't you?" He lifted his head quickly, openly glaring at Hiashiko. "Am I really that hated now?"
Hiashiko was honestly unsure what to say. Because she didn't know what was bothering him, other than it had to do with Hizashiko's return and him not knowing about it straight away. But why should he draw the conclusion that she hated him from those events?
And the glare he gave her made her feel more than a little sick inside. She had been on the receiving end of glares like that from her sister, but on a face so much like her late husband, on Hinaji's face, it chilled her, sharp and stealing her breath. Hiashiko knew she was far from the perfect mother, but she thought that at least she hadn't driven her children to hate her, like Hizashiko had hated their mother.
"I don't hate you, Hinaji," was all she could come up with in what seemed like an eon-long stretch of silence. Her fingers were tightly clenched, skin tight over knuckles. "Whatever you think, I don't hate you."
"That's a lie!" His arm swung out as he yelled and he leaned forward slightly, his eyes never leaving hers. "Don't!" His body shook and he realised too late he'd said something he never, ever meant to say. He was being unreasonable, he wasn't listening, and he didn't care. Honestly he didn't even really care about the fact he hadn't been told about Hizashiko yet. What hurt was knowing just how little he mattered in his mother's life.
She knew what had happened at the chuunin exam, she knew how much his cousin had targeted him. All that stemmed from Hizashiko's death. And now that she was back, he was finding it hard to accept the forgiveness he'd given so long ago. He didn't want to be understanding now, and a part of him recoiled at that. He'd been through a lot as a Hyuuga--first because he was Main, and then because he was Branch and was expendible. Having his mother treat something like this so casually, when it should affect her so much more stung.
But even he realised he was grasping at reasons, making up excuses for his anger, and there was no way she would understand that. It was just impossible to dig through everything and come to the truth that he just wanted to somehow be acknowledged as more than a throw-away.
It took a great deal of will power to not react defensively at Hinaji's wild gesturing. (Had he tried to strike her?) He was trembling, his anger all but tangible. What had she done? "I'm not lying," but the words were more automated than sincere, though sincere they were.
She had driven one of her own children to hate her, like her mother had with Hizashiko. And, like then, Hiashiko could not think of a way to fix it.
Again with the cold response he should have known would come. He wanted to scream liar, but the word stuck in his throat. His hands clenched tightly and finally he looked away. "You don't have to force yourself," he said coldly. Even when he directly confronted her she still held that cold mask. Even Nejiko received more than that, didn't she?
He pushed himself to his feet, his movements accented with anger. This conversation had been wrong. He'd been foolish to come. He bowed, the movement almost mocking. If he could, he would be ashamed at how much like the old Nejiko he was becoming in that instant.
"Hiashiko-sama."
Was he really the only one who hadn't known?
Hinaji was bad at hiding his own emotions, but around his family--especially his mother--he tried more than ever. He thought that maybe, by now, he'd managed to become a better Hyuuga in that respect. But the closer he came to his mother's door, the more he couldn't keep his feelings in check. The whispers and rumors wouldn't stop, and it hurt knowing he hadn't been told the truth. He'd been home for days now, surely...
He knocked, harder than he could ever remember doing, and stood staring at the wood of the door with his hands clenched tightly at his sides.
There was no reason for Hiashiko to have waited so long. But it had been nearly two months, and what was new news was now old news, and Hinaji's return hadn't rekindled urgency. She should apologize.
The knock came, sudden and loud, and Hiashiko went to answer it. "Come in, Hinaji," she said as she opened the door.
...he was angry. Hinaji's normally gentle hands were clenched into fists, his jaw was taut, his eyes narrowed. She shouldn't be surprised.
But she was.
He bowed--a little curtly--once the door was open. "Thank you." He took a deep breath before entering, and forced his hands smooth at his sides. It wouldn't do to go into this with strong emotions. He had to be calm, and rational, and discuss things.
Her room was as plain as he remembered, but he still took a second to glance around to get his bearings. Despite days of waiting he really didn't have anything prepared to ask. Everything he thought of sounded like an accusation, and that wouldn't help them at all. But skirting around the issue would just use up her time.
"I...had a question. About something I've been hearing." Perhaps he should have been more direct, but he couldn't bring himself to ask. If it was true... His hands clenched at his sides again for a moment before he brought himself under control again. "...About all the rumors I've been hearing."
She should have told him the moment she knew he was home. It would have been the responsible thing to do--the right thing to do--but even she could acknowledge her own weakness. She hadn't wanted to dredge it all up again. The watershed moment of her life had gone by, and she had no desire to look back.
But the way Hinaji's hands moved back and forth between being painfully still and tightly clenched only highlighted how poorly she had dealt with...with everything as of late. "Do you want to sit, Hinaji?" Not that a change in position would do much to help.
The offer came as a surprise to him, and his hands stilled at his sides as he looked at her questioningly. She didn't sound like he thought she would. Just what had happened to make her change in her actions with him so much?
"...Thank you." He took a seat on the tatami, legs folded beneath him in the traditional style. He watched Hiashiko carefully though, and tried to get a grasp on his emotions before asking what he really needed to know.
"...Are they true, then?"
Hiashiko was relieved that her eldest son took a seat. She followed him, and inwardly braced herself for...
Change. That was the word that had been eluding her. The last weeks had brought nothing else but upheaval and change, and her was yet more to add to her altered world.
"It depends upon the rumor, Hinaji." It could have been a scolding statement, but it wasn't. Weary was a word Hiashiko had become quickly accustomed to in the last weeks. "My sister is alive, and she should be returning from the hospital shortly."
Hinaji's hands fisted in the fabric of his pants and his whole body felt rigid. "...I see." So they had been true. "They said that happened weeks ago?" He had been gone, true, but. He'd been home for almost a week now. No matter how much he tried to push it away, that fact made his heart hurt the most. He should have known better than to think he would be considered as more than just another Branch member, but still.
He hadn't wanted to believe his mother had dropped him so thoroughly.
"You're alright with this?"
She was missing something, something critical. "All right with what, Hinaji?"
His hands tightened again. He briefly wondered if she was mocking him, but even he knew she would never do that. "With having your sister alive suddenly after so many years." He studied the tatami. "I would think you would be with her all the time. Aren't you happy she's alive?"
He didn't know the relationship between his mother and aunt--he'd only seen the other woman a few times that he could remember. But her death had been the reason for Hiashiko's bitter coldness, for Nejiko's decent into hatred and for all the tension and pain she'd caused to the rest of the clan. His chest hurt at the memory of the chuunin exam.
Didn't Hizashiko's reappearance affect Hiashiko at all? Was that why she hadn't told him? It wasn't important?
She watched her eldest son and wondered at his reaction. His body screamed anger, though he kept his eyes downward, and the accusatory nature of his words continued to catch her off-guard. For all her talent, Hiashiko could not read thoughts, only the body, and while the later gave hints about the former, she knew she was missing something key. Surely he could not be so upset over simply not being told--officially, no one knew, and it was just a matter of days before the announcement would be made public.
"Of course I'm happy she's alive," Hiashiko said, lacing her fingers together. "That doesn't mean I should smother her. She needs time with Nejiko and to be by herself." And the Elders didn't let her out of their sight for very long, either. "I would have thought Hanabi or Nejiko would have told you by now." Either they would have, or Hinaji would have found out along with everyone else. He was he taking this lack of information as a personal affront, almost.
Perhaps he was taking it too personally, but he couldn't stop himself from feeling bitter. Because of the rumors he assumed everyone else already knew, and that she expected his brother or cousin to tell him hurt. He knew he was disliked, but he'd hoped maybe there were still some feelings left towards him. This was just a convenient excuse to get riled up about something he'd been letting fester for too long.
"I see." He took a deep breath and lifted his eyes, but as always he couldn't keep her gaze. He doubted that would ever change, no matter how angry or hurt he was. "...Then I apologize." The words sounded hollow, and he knew it was bad, but he pushed back whatever he was feeling and forced it away. Confronting her over this seemed so foolish now, and as much as he wanted, he couldn't muster the energy.
Everything seemed to be slipping through her grasp. She and Hinaji had never been close, but this...
"Hinaji, what's wrong?"
Her question stung and he grit his teeth. Apparently all his energy hadn't disappeared after all. He tried to convince himself it was obvious she wouldn't know what was wrong--he hadn't really said anything at all. But she was his mother, and she should at least know some of the reasons behind this discussion, shouldn't she? And the more the illogical thoughts continued, the more emotional he became.
"You..." His voice was soft, barely above a whisper, and he glared at the tatami in front of him. "You of all people should know, shouldn't you?" He lifted his head quickly, openly glaring at Hiashiko. "Am I really that hated now?"
Hiashiko was honestly unsure what to say. Because she didn't know what was bothering him, other than it had to do with Hizashiko's return and him not knowing about it straight away. But why should he draw the conclusion that she hated him from those events?
And the glare he gave her made her feel more than a little sick inside. She had been on the receiving end of glares like that from her sister, but on a face so much like her late husband, on Hinaji's face, it chilled her, sharp and stealing her breath. Hiashiko knew she was far from the perfect mother, but she thought that at least she hadn't driven her children to hate her, like Hizashiko had hated their mother.
"I don't hate you, Hinaji," was all she could come up with in what seemed like an eon-long stretch of silence. Her fingers were tightly clenched, skin tight over knuckles. "Whatever you think, I don't hate you."
"That's a lie!" His arm swung out as he yelled and he leaned forward slightly, his eyes never leaving hers. "Don't!" His body shook and he realised too late he'd said something he never, ever meant to say. He was being unreasonable, he wasn't listening, and he didn't care. Honestly he didn't even really care about the fact he hadn't been told about Hizashiko yet. What hurt was knowing just how little he mattered in his mother's life.
She knew what had happened at the chuunin exam, she knew how much his cousin had targeted him. All that stemmed from Hizashiko's death. And now that she was back, he was finding it hard to accept the forgiveness he'd given so long ago. He didn't want to be understanding now, and a part of him recoiled at that. He'd been through a lot as a Hyuuga--first because he was Main, and then because he was Branch and was expendible. Having his mother treat something like this so casually, when it should affect her so much more stung.
But even he realised he was grasping at reasons, making up excuses for his anger, and there was no way she would understand that. It was just impossible to dig through everything and come to the truth that he just wanted to somehow be acknowledged as more than a throw-away.
It took a great deal of will power to not react defensively at Hinaji's wild gesturing. (Had he tried to strike her?) He was trembling, his anger all but tangible. What had she done? "I'm not lying," but the words were more automated than sincere, though sincere they were.
She had driven one of her own children to hate her, like her mother had with Hizashiko. And, like then, Hiashiko could not think of a way to fix it.
Again with the cold response he should have known would come. He wanted to scream liar, but the word stuck in his throat. His hands clenched tightly and finally he looked away. "You don't have to force yourself," he said coldly. Even when he directly confronted her she still held that cold mask. Even Nejiko received more than that, didn't she?
He pushed himself to his feet, his movements accented with anger. This conversation had been wrong. He'd been foolish to come. He bowed, the movement almost mocking. If he could, he would be ashamed at how much like the old Nejiko he was becoming in that instant.
"Hiashiko-sama."