Mommy Dearest [Nejiko, Hizashiko]

[weighted_wings]

After visiting Tsurude, Nejiko slipped back to headquarters to change out of her blacks and pretended not to notice the level stares a few other Sentries gave her. Fortunately, she'd not run into her Captain, who would've demanded an explanation amongst other things before slipping out of the building

Comments

[hizashiko]

The silence after Hiashiko had left had been somehow worse then the silence of her prison she had just left. The pounding in her head hadn't ceased and the thoughts that were rocketing around had only made it worse. She half wanted to pace but her body was too tired and her mind too full. Eventually Hizashiko had simply given up and curled up in her too white bed, thrown an arm over her eyes, and fallen into a light, uneasy doze.

The sudden knock jolted her though.

Hizashiko sat up swiftly, adrenaline surging through her for a brief moment before she recognized her surroundings; the swift movement had done nothing to help her head. Warily, she watched the door for a moment. Briefly, she debated using the byakugan but decided that would be a pretty awful idea, considering the curse had been used not too long ago. So after a few more seconds of debate, she called out a wary, "Come in" to whomever had knocked.

When a young, Hyuuga female stepped through the doorway, Hizashiko's body twisted and tensed in a sudden surge of fear. She wouldn't have put it past the Elders to have her killed in this instance; she was just surprised that they had found her so fast, had already taken care of nee-

No.

Not an assassin.

Silent stretched between them, even longer then it had between Hiashiko and Hizashiko. But Hizashiko could tell. When she last saw Nejiko she had just been a tiny thing, someone small enough to be picked up and held. But she was far from small now. She was a strong looking woman who... she just.... Hizashiko felt like she couldn't breathe looking at her, seeing her after all these years. Part of her really had thought that she was dead and she would never see her again and her.... she just...

Her daughter was so beautiful.

"Nejiko." It was breath a whisper, her voice already gone, her breathing labored as she struggled not to cry. Fate, her daughter could hate her for all she cared, but she was alive and well and Hizashiko got to see her again.

[weighted_wings]

How did...

Knowing something rarely prepared you for a brand new experience, and though Nejiko had known intellectually what to expect. She recognized the thin, frail, scarred woman on the bed before her. Not as Hizashiko, but as a Hiashiko-lookalike. That is, if Hiashiko was rail thin with hair so cropped it looked almost masculine and did absolutely nothing to conceal the manji.

But the resemblance was there. Oh yes, it was there.

Nejiko stayed by the door, envelope in hand. What did one say? For all the woman looked like Hiashiko, for all the woman recognized her, Nejiko was lost and aching. This was an unknown, a stranger.

How cruel Fate was, to tear from her the person who mattered most, only to give back someone she had known only long ago. Why couldn't it have been Tentsuke here?

The naked shock was covered before the bitterness could show, and Nejiko drew upon years of conditioning to respond when addressed. Even if she had to grope for a word so unused. "O...okaasan?"

She hated herself for not just questioning, but for stumbling over the word as well.

[hizashiko]

Hizashiko felt, for a moment, like she'd be stabbed all over again. The way Nejiko sounded so unsure, so cautious, how she looked at her so warily... Why had she thought it could magically go back to being perfect? Hizashiko was smarter then that; she knew that things never magically got better. She had been gone for fifteen years, Nejiko had no idea who she was and most likely no memories of her. There was no going to be no special perfect reunion.

Why had she even thought coming back was a good idea?

Slowly, she sunk back onto the bed, just letting herself for a moment drink in the sight of her very alive daughter. She... Hizashiko would just be content seeing that she was alive and well and at least had come to see her. The injured jounin tried to smile, but couldn't do much with how dizzy she felt with relief and fear and hurt and the lump in her throat.

"Y-yes," Hizashiko wet her suddenly dry lips, and winced at how she stumbled over her words. ".... your okaasan."

Nejiko had never called her okaasan, it had always been Momma...

[weighted_wings]

The tension was almost palpable. To Nejiko, anyway. She watched--it was going to take a while for the term, no, name of 'Hizashiko' fit the other woman, period, nevermind comfortably--the white-eyed kunoichi stretch out again on the bed and tried not to recall her own latest stay at the hospital. The visible scarring and too-thin limbs suggested loudly what had been done to...her mother without really giving any details.

Before arriving at the hospital, Nejiko had imagined how she might feel upon viewing the souvenirs of Kumo. She had anticipated rage; since the failed kidnap attempt of Hinaji she had had a special dislike for the Raikage that expanded to the weather phenomenon that Kage took its name from. The lack bewildered her until she surmised she was too numb from too much emotion to experience any individual feeling.

One thing did surprise her: how she knew she would not hand over the report on Noburo's death unless asked. She didn't know the woman before her, honestly did not fully trust the other as yet no matter what anyone had said (the notion, despite the obvious truth in front of her, was still too incredible to accept), but she must've recognized something as the adamant refusal to simply hand over the report was too strong and too grounded in emotion. Her mother had suffered enough, its faint though knowing voice declared, but to give her the report now would be cruel.

Nejiko could think of no reply except to simply nod acknowledgement. She still could not think of anything to say. Or do, even.

[hizashiko]

... for the first time, in a very long time, Hizashiko wished she was dead. Or at the very least, squirreled back in that miserable cell that she had been placed in. This was pretty much more painful then anything Kumo had done to her, the emotional agony almost too much to bear. The silence stretched on even longer and Hizashiko was just a few steps from telling Nejiko to just go, as this was such a nightmare, when she finally noticed the folder clutched too tightly in her daughter's hands.

"The circumstances were complicated, but he did not purposefully throw away his life. I'll get you a copy of the report."

Noburo's last mission report.

Swallowing past the fear that was threatening to swamp her, and all the other emotions that WERE swamping her, she managed to whisper. "Is that... neesama..."

Hizashiko cleared her throat again. "...may I see the report?"

[weighted_wings]

No...

Panic flashed through Nejiko's eyes almost too quickly too be seen. She hadn't realized how tightly she held the folder until she found she couldn't uncurl her fingers: the muscles had cramped from the unrelenting strain.

Even the small (delay, distraction) of turning her head as she lifted the cramped hand so the other could pull the dark yellow envelope free of temporarily frozen fingers. The physical pain pushed through the numbness, followed by sharper emotional pain, and it was a struggle to maintain the smooth, respectful though cautious face masking her thoughts. She did not want to hand it over, but Hizashiko had asked and she had told herself that if Hizashiko had asked...

Poppa.

Her eyes burned and her vision blurred a moment before clearing, no tears falling. She closed the distance between the door and the bed and extended out the envelope, standing close enough that Hizashiko wouldn't have to reach too far to grasp it. Her legs ached in anticipation and desire of stepping back, stepping away but she remained where she was.

She...would stay a little longer. Just a little. She couldn't promise conversation, but she would stay while Hizashiko read the report. She could do that much at least.

[hizashiko]

Hizashiko only had to strain slightly to take the envelope from Nejiko's too tight fingers and her own shook slightly as she finally held it in her hands. There were long moments that she just stared at it, fingers moving over the plain yellow paper, fearing what was inside. But eventually she pulled the papers out from inside, trying to make herself look at it like a shinobi, and not the window of a dead man. It was difficult to do.

...B Rank Mission consisting of Hyuuga Noburo...

...found him dead, lying on his side...

...severe blood loss...

...reports of altered mental state from kinsmen...

...distracted during mission, teammates unsure of if he ran or not...

...committee finds that Hyuuga Noburo may have acted on mission suicide, but has insufficient evidence to...

"Oh, Noburo..." The amount of heartbreaking pain in the words could never have been hidden. Hizashiko pressed a hand to her mouth, the report blurry with the tears she didn't even try to wipe away. Her other hand shook visibly now, making the paper in her hands move in little whispers. "You bastard..."

[weighted_wings]

Nejiko's eyes cooled a fraction. She had already read the report--she had read it as soon as she had the clearance to read it. It did nothing to really change the opinion of him formed at the time of his death. She didn't disagree with Hizashiko's spoken sentiment, but she kept watch.

Noburo had mattered to Hizashiko, Nejiko saw. But the clan head had mattered more. No, she amended, remembering; Hizashiko's sister had mattered more. That, and choosing for herself how she would die. Noburo had chosen his death, but his reasoning had been considerably more selfish. She despised him for that selfishness, and had vowed she would not die for a similar reason.

That vow had helped when news of Tentsuke came, as well as the fact he was missing and not killed in action. But it didn't make the pain easier to bear. So while she had a better understanding of Noburo's thought process, to simply give up was so cowardly as to be disgraceful behaviour.

Even if all this hadn't been going through Nejiko's mind, she knew she was abysmally bad at consoling people. She simply didn't have the empathy, even when she tried to help her teammates. With them, though she may fail, at least the thought counted. With others...she simply didn't care. So she did what she could, which amounted to remaining where she was.

...Though perhaps there was one thing she could do, that might help. Not so much with the tears, but...

Very, very quietly, she asked, "...Momma?"

[hizashiko]

Hizashiko forced herself to continue reading the report, even though each word in the report dug into her a little more. She had thought, she had really truly thought, that Noburo would go on. He loved Nejiko, so very much, loved her as much as Hizashiko did. She had thought that would be enough to sustain him, enough to help him get through it all until the pain dulled. It had seemed she had been wrong and that ate at her. How could she have been so wrong about a man she claimed to love?

Momma?

The one word cut through everything and Hizashiko stared at the papers, as if disbelieving that she had heard it. Her breath seemed to hitch and she looked over to Nejiko, wide eyed. There was a moment more before she started to cry again, dropping the papers to try and cover her mouth and stifle the sounds. So many times she had imagined that word in a little girl's voice, trying to get herself through those awful times in chains. To hear it again, in her daughter's voice this time, real and not imagined, was almost too much to bear.

The overwhelmed Hyuuga tried to get something out, tried to nod, or say something, how she loved her, how she missed her. But there was nothing she could get out besides crying and as much as it ashamed her... she was just so glad to hear that word, from her daughter's mouth.

[weighted_wings]

Nejiko froze when Hizashiko looked up at her with tear-reddened eyes, suddenly intensely worried the other woman might try and hug her. But Hizashiko's eyes weren't so grief-dulled as before; she had recognized the word, and that made Nejiko feel a little better about her.

But things were not improving, and in fact only getting worse. Nejiko knew she couldn't take much more of this, and Hizashiko couldn't either, so she bowed in polite apology before slipping silently back and out the door.

Once in the hall, she slowly released the breath she hadn't realized she'd been holding. It was as shaky as her legs and she struggled to regain the control she needed. Once she had it, she walked away and forced herself to keep a steady stride. She wouldn't run.

However much she wanted to.