You would always be here, I heard you say [Sachiko, Naruko]
ooc: Spoiler warning for chapter 385. You have been warned. edit title changes ftw
Sachiko thumped her way up the stairs to Naruko's balcony apartment, so intent on her goal she ignored everyone she came across. She swung around the corner and didn't quite run (though definitely moved at a swift stride) to Naruko's apartment. Once outside the door she paused to run a hand through her short hair, then knocked loudly on the wood beneath the apartment numbers.
She tried not to think. If she started thinking, the doubts would creep in. If the doubts creeped in, then she'd want to run away. And if she ran away, not only would she be breaking a promise to herself but there was no way to tell when her resolve might firm enough again to do this. And she needed to do this. Spending time with Kiba, then seeing Hoshino; both of them had made her realize she had quite a few things to say to Naruko.
"Hey," she said when the blonde opened the door. "Wanna go for a walk?"
Because she sure as hell wasn't going to talk about everything here. No, better towe be out in the open and away from other people.
"Yo." Naruko's hand came up in a gesture obviously inherited from Kakami, her greeting just as lazy. At the request, her eyebrows creeped up, and she scratched the back of her head. "Sure, but lemme change. C'mon in." She stepped aside so Sachiko could enter, turning to head back to her bedroom. Her hair was down, long enough to reach mid-back, and her pajamas were a black tanktop over faded orange pants. Naruko had just finished having a combination lunch and breakfast and was cleaning up when Sachiko had knocked.
When she came out of her bedroom a few minutes later, she was running a brush through her hair and expertly tying it up into a pair of pristine pigtails. She wore her favorite black and orange jacket over a mesh shirt, but the jacket left her stomach bare now that she'd finally developed boobs. Her orange shorts were a length that was barely legal, but Naruko was comfortable in them. She sat down on the couch near the door and pulled on some boots with metal shin guards before jumping up with a stretch.
"Okay!" Naruko grinned, her arms dropping to her sides. "I'm ready to go! Anyplace in particular you wanna go?"
Sachiko tried not to stare at Naruko's choice of clothes. Because... "I'm not sure if it escaped your notice, but it is January. You're going to freeze in that getup." Sachiko herself wore long pants and a woolen jacket over her long-sleeved hoodie. No hat, but if it became needed, she would put her hoodie up. In the meantime it stayed at the nape, while her hitae-ate hung around the front of her neck.
Sure, Naruko could heal all kinds of wounds because of the Kyuubi, but somehow Sachiko doubted the same was true of illness.
"It is?" Naruko blinked owlishly and practically pressed her face against the nearest window trying to get a good look at the sky. "Oh wow, it is! I hadn't even noticed. Awww, not even enough snow to have a good snowball fight, either. Damn." She thumped a hand against the windowframe and tsked.
"Guess I'd better change then. Sorry 'bout that." She dashed off back to her room, changing out her shorts and jacket for orange pants that rolled up at the ankle and a hooded track jacket. The boots she kept, but ditched the shin guards, and was pulling on a pair of black gloves when she strolled out into the front room again.
"Even missed the best part of winter, shoot." She grumbled to herself and stuffed her hands in her jacket pockets. "Think I'm dressed right this time?"
Dark eyes swept over her before Sachiko nodded. (Seriously, though, how could Naruko not know it was cold outside?) "That'll do. I was thinking we could go to the bridge," she continued. She didn't need to specify which bridge. For Team 7, only one bridge in the village mattered. "You ready?"
"Always!" Naruko grinned. "A ninja should always be prepared!" Tugging her hood up to keep her ears warm--which made the fox ears on the hood stand up--Naruko led the way out and locked the door behind them.
Sachiko said nothing as they walked. She was too busy concentrating on not running and keeping her stride controlled so she remained even with Naruko instead of surging forward.
Yes, this was her idea. Yes, this was inspired by the not-fighting that Kiba and Hoshino were engaging in. Most assuredly yes, this would be a long time in coming. Still didn't mean she wouldn't rather just forget the whole thing and go do something else. Like train. Or read. Or spend time with her cat. Or something. Something that didn't involve going to the bridge to talk about that which she was gearing herself up to talk about.
She didn't know how to feel about this. There was dread and anticipation, nervousness, guilt and worry and fear, and hope, all crushed into one spiked, leaden ball that was trying to shred its way out of her stomach. She strove to not give off any bodily cues more than she already had. And for that, she chose to put her hood up as well as stuff her hands into her pockets.
When the bridge appeared in the distance, though, she slowed her pace as the reality and the enormity of everything came to a head. It wasn't cold enough for the river to freeze over, so cold blue water still flowed beneath the bridge. Memories flashed, good and bad, in front of her eyes. The instinct to shove them away nearly won out, but for once Sachiko let herself remember. She stepped onto the wooden planks, as gingerly as if they were made of spun glass. One step, two steps, three steps, four, and so on until she was about midway out. Looking at the rail, she reached out to place her hand on it and recalled how she used to always slouch against it as the three of them waited for Kakami-sensei to show up and give another one of her lame excuses for being late. How she would watch Naruko and Sakurai get all worked up over Kakami-sensei's lack of punctuality while the one-eyed jounin just laughed and rubbed the back of her head sheepishly.
So much had happened since then.
She closed her eyes and sighed silently, shoulders falling as she leaned against the rail like in days of old. Difference being was that unlike then, she was gripping the rail rather hard with both hands.
The silence was awkward at best, and only getting more so. Naruko's breath was a cloud of mist, and she leaned against the railing, one heel resting on the lower wooden bars as she tipped her head back to gaze up at the sky. It was a winter blue, icy clouds scudding across the pale expanse overhead and the sound of the creek beneath them was subdued unlike the spring and summer rush of water. Whatever Sachiko wanted to talk to her about was giving her problems, so Naruko let her think, allowing herself to get reacquainted with her surroundings. The last couple years had been a mix of lonesome training or being dragged off to other places, and Naruko'd been separated from her friends and the places she'd been familiar with for one reason or another. She was out of touch, and things had changed a lot between everyone since she'd gone on that vacation to Suna with Leigh.
Things had happened in the village, everyone had changed while she'd been away, Sachiko had opened up to people in a way that all of Naruko's time with her never had if her time with Kiba was any indication. Kiba and Hinaji may or may not be an item still, Naruko had gotten completely left behind for the most recent Jounin exams, but that was probably for the best, as she was stronger now, a better shinobi, her skills having been honed while she'd spent her time in seclusion while everyone else was dealing with a social fallout that Naruko was only beginning to catch wind of.
It had been a long, long time since they were genin on Team 7, and it felt like none of them were the same people anymore. Well, maybe Kakami was, but Naruko hadn't seen her in a long time.
"Hey," Naruko watched the way Sachiko's hands strained. "Keep that up and the railing might break."
Then again, they'd abused this particular bridge quite a lot over the years. She was surprised it was still sturdy after so much action.
A puff-breath that might've been a laugh escaped Sachiko, and she relaxed enough to lift a hand to push her hood down. A glance down at where her hand had been revealed indentations in the wood that matched her grip. Damn seal... She shook her head and tucked a tuft of short hair behind her ear. Or tried to, anyway. The tuft was too short to stay in place. She dropped her arm so it mirrored the other and stared out at nothing.
"...Naruko, I... I'm sorry I tried to kill you at the Valley. I told you that you were my closest friend, and I meant it, and... and I still tried to kill you."
Naruko's focused gaze had a predatory sharpness to it, an edge to the brilliant blue that hadn't been there a moment ago. The pupils seemed slitted for just a moment and then she blinked, eyelids sliding shut for a few heartbeats as she took a deep breath and exhaled a stream of mist. When her eyes opened again to look up at Sachiko, it was just Naruko. Tired, worn out, and a little hurt looking, but she offered a wan smile as her expression softened.
"I know." And she did. Naruko had always felt that bond with Sachiko, had felt it like a cord that bound them together. The fight at the Valley at the End had been a desperate attempt to keep it from breaking, Naruko had fought with tooth and nail, her voice had been raw from screaming and sobbing and wanting to beat the shit out of Sachiko. The cord had been frayed badly, but Naruko had pushed on for years trying to pretend that everything had been okay.
Only it wasn't.
That fight on the very bridge they were standing on had been proof. Naruko had been hurt, lonely and jealous, half-terrified of what she'd heard about a seal Orochimayu had put on Sakurai. She'd felt like she was being cut out of their lives, that they were still trying to get rid of her, and she'd seen them together while she was mad about something else and had completely snapped. She and Sachiko had nearly killed Sakurai once, and had scared him half to death at least twice before. That last fight when Naruko had lost so much control she'd slipped into her two-tailed form as she let loose her anger had almost ended just as badly. They'd been lucky. Really lucky.
"I'd apologize for it too, but a part of me wants to say it was your fault in the first place." Naruko's grin was bitter and she shook her head, leaning back to look over the water at the grove of trees across the creek. "I'm not sorry I won that fight at the Valley, but I am sorry about freaking out at you and Sakurai year before last, and using Kyuubi when I knew full well I shouldn't've. I'd been scared, after hearing that the snake-bitch had him, I've never felt so scared before. And I was mad, because I couldn't do anything to help, an' nobody would talk to me about what'd happened, and then seeing you two together..."
She shook her head, upset with herself. "I got mad because I was scared and jealous, and I could've done more damage than we did at the Valley. A lot more. My seal's getting weaker, Sachiko. Someday it's gonna be gone, and there won't be a difference between me an' Kyuubi anymore." Naruko looked out over the water again, her eyes sad. "I just hope I'll be the one on top when it happens."
"About the Kyuubi..." Sachiko shook her head. No, that was later. She looked at Naruko, her head tilted so that her bangs fell across her forehead. "That fight before I mindwalked you... I knew you were pissed. Gods, Naruko, I could feel... not everything, because I keep my walls strong, but what I could feel... I knew you were riding the similar kind of feelings like at the Valley. I could feel how close the Kyuubi was to the surface. I didn't want to bother you, I wanted you to keep going so you could vent in a way that wouldn't be... harmful. But then Sakurai wouldn't listen, and you said you hated me..." This time her laugh was audible and bitter. "It hurt, but I was glad. I was glad you hated me. I wanted you to hate me. I wanted you to despise me, to not care about me, because--because then you'd be safe from me. Because we wouldn't be closest friends anymore.
"Because, Naruko..." She closed her eyes and wiped the wet from them. "Because the way to gain the mangekyou Sharingan is to kill your closest friend. That's why I wanted to kill you. So I could gain those Eyes, the ones that Itae has, and kill her. But when that didn't work, when I lost our fight at the Valley... It took... I.... I needed you to hate me. I needed to become so... so... I can't think of the word. But as long as we weren't closest friends, I wouldn't be tempted by the fact that I could get those Eyes so easily, because you trusted me. So you'd be safe. From me."
She laughed, only it sounded more like a sob. "Ibiki and Tsurude are going to kick my ass if they find out about this."
"About you telling me the truth?" Naruko watched her with that strange, not-quite-Naruko stare, then glanced away. "I'm not supposed to talk about the way the seal weakens either." It wasn't as forbidden as talking about the fact that she was sealed in the first place, but it was classified. She only knew because in a fit of worried anger, Jimaiya had cuffed her behind one ear and had yelled at her. It had been after a training accident that Jimaiya almost hadn't survived. Naruko hadn't learned why until recently.
"You hadn't been the same since the Chuunin Exams." Naruko stared at the planks beneath her feet, frowning. "Ever since then, you started acting funny, started getting more and more angry with everyone and talking about things like you were half crazy. I'd been wondering if that's how you'd been the entire time and I didn't notice, or if I ought to have blamed that on Orochimayu."
The silence stretched out as Naruko paused to think, idly running her hand over the part at the back of her head.
"You still afraid of us being friends? That you still need the Mangekyou to kill Itae?"
"I don't know. I do know... The seal's changed me. Physically, mentally... I don't think it's too unlike the Kyuubi. It's a part of me I never wanted that can't be removed. It talks to me, when my emotions are up and the barrier weakens." Sachiko ran a hand through her hair. "But yeah, I'm telling you the truth. I haven't been the same since that bitch bit me.
"Then again, I haven't been the same since Itae killed everyone. The seal's fever-dreams and general existance... Between the two of them, they pushed me over the edge. I was mad with power-lust. I still am, I think."
Naruko actually laughed, throwing her head back and laughing until there were tears in the corners of her eyes. "Hell, Sachiko, I probably could've told you that!"
She sobered quickly, scrubbing her face with a hand, her voice shifted into something deeper, a more serious tone than Naruko had ever used. "You don't recover from a seal, you just live with it. The question is, are you willing to accept that and do what you need to do to overcome it.
"Do you still feel you need to rely on the seal to help take down Itae?" Her head cocked, the abrupt gesture not quite normal.
Sachiko had scowled when the blonde laughed, but it smoothed away as she studied Naruko. Something was a bit off about her, but Sachiko wasn't one to really talk seeing as all the talking she had been doing so far, and wasn't totally done. But she would remember that.
"Considering how 'helpful' it was the last time? I think I'd as soon as tear the thing out of my shoulder and be done with it. Missed her wide with the hybrid, and yet the chakra-claws Hanato-san taught me... I actually scored her deep enough to make her bleed." Oddly enough, there wasn't any pride in her tone this time. Just a resigned weariness.
"Well, at least you know you're improving." Naruko shrugged. "Maybe the key to it is to stop listening to all these crazy bitches and just train, learn what you can and become as strong as you can. Letting them drive you into a frenzy doesn't help, because being angry makes you lose your focus. Even I'm starting to learn that lesson, as funny as it sounds. There is a time and a place for being angry, and letting it make you sloppy while you're training isn't it. Save it for when you can use it to help it pack an extra punch into your attack, but don't let it get the best of you.
"Otherwise you just end up flailing around and letting them make an ass out of you while they beat you up." Naruko rubbed her nose and sniffed, the chill was starting to make it runny, which was kinda gross. The lesson really had been a long time coming, and once Naruko had finally taken it to heart, Jimaiya had mentioned that her attacks had become more effective. Feeling and seeing the improvement in her abilities had helped. Maybe some of the conversations she'd had while Jimaiya was out boozing had actually been useful after all. Ah, well.
"Been there, done that, actually. Got the medical files to prove it, too."
Sachiko shifted her posture, uncrossing her legs then recrossing them so that now the opposite lay over the other. Her head fell back so she was looking straight up at the sky. "There's something that doesn't make sense. About the mangekyou, I mean. Aside from the fact I'm able to say that word, repeatedly, and not throw up. It has to do with the Kyuubi." She dropped her head forward so she could watch Naruko's reaction. "Those Eyes can control the Kyuubi. I don't have them, but when I mindwalked you, I was still able to push it back behind the seal. That's what doesn't add up."
Naruko scowled, thinking hard. "Did you hear about that from Itae, or what? Is there any way you can check?"
"Heh. No, she didn't tell me. There's actually a scroll that's got it written down."
"Really? Well, that certainly makes things a little easier. It's better than trying to hunt her down and throttle her until she tells us what we want to hear, right?" Naruko grinned, trying to be funny.
The humor attempt fell flat. "I suppose." Sachiko had said her piece, had apologized and explained, hadn't turned into a blubbering idiot like those two times with Kakami-sensei... That's right. "Kakami-sensei doesn't know about this, either. What those Eyes can do against the Kyuubi."
"Now the question is if that's a good thing or a bad thing." Naruko chewed on her lip for a while. "It's probably better than she doesn't know, Kakami-sensei overextends herself as it is. You've seen what happens if she uses the Sharingan too much, what it does to her afterwards. Think of how much worse it'd get if she tried to keep Kyuubi bottled up everytime I slipped up. It's no good, we'll have to bring it up with Tsurude-ojii in case something happens with me and Akatsuki, but we've got to keep Kaka-sensei in the dark. Otherwise she might get herself hospitalized for good, and I don't want that to happen."
"Kakami-sensei's got the mangekyou, Naruko," Sachiko said quietly. "I don't know how, because I... I know she wouldn't kill her closest friend." The whole of the memories of that day, of Kakami asking about the mangekyou, of Sachiko's own meltdown and the confrontation-conversation with Kiba flashed through her mind. The Sharingan parts of course standing out brighter than the others. And quick on those memories' heels was the subsequent going to Kakami's apartment to apologize for breaking her arm, and...
She shook her head sharply. She didn't want to remember that. Not now. She was feeling heartsore enough as it was.
"Maybe there's another way to get it, then. A way where you don't have to kill the person you care the most for. Whoever decided that was a good way to release a bloodline limit deserves a kick in the teeth if you ask me." Naruko stifled a yawn with her hand.
"If there is, I don't know it. And the scroll didn't say. You probably don't recall too much, but my doujutsu evolves generally under intense stress and strain. I awoke it when I nearly died fighting Haku. I attained a full Sharingan trying to kill you."
"Well, we'll see how it goes, then. Maybe you could ask Kakami how she got it. Then again, she'll probably find a way to get out of telling you. Hmm." Again, she chewed on her lip, looking thoughtful.
Sachiko tried not to flinch at the remembered wet-sounding crackling-snap that had been Kakami's arm breaking. Kakami had forgiven her for that, but the guilt remained unassuaged. Instead of replying however, Sachiko simply raised an eyebrow as Naruko grew thoughtful. Sometimes silence was better in trying to think.
In the end, Naruko threw up her hands and stretched with a groan. "I've got nothin'."
Another long pause.
"Hey, Sachiko?"
"...Yeah?"
"What brought all this up, anyway?" Naruko perched on the rail as she watched her friend. "I mean, asking me on the walk and apologizing and everything."
A very valid question, truth be told. Nevermind that Sachiko had been wanting to apologize for a while, but hadn't worked up the nerve before Naruko had vanished with Jimaiya. This was the culmination of things little and big. But what had spurred her the most was... "I'm seeing Kiba and Hoshino walk down the same path, and... While I don't think Hoshino'd try to kill Kiba... Deja vu." She wasn't looking at Naruko now. "With the unexpected benefit what it looked like from the outside. Only they're in the early stages. But enough similarities are there to draw parallels.
"I've talked to both of them. Well, you knew I was spending time with Kiba. So I got to hear a lot of things from her. But I think... I didn't realize how serious it was until Hoshino was asking me if Kiba was okay. Me, Naruko. ...I don't think I need to explain how messed up that is."
"Shit." Naruko hissed, looking away. Gnawing on her thumbnail through her glove, she glared at nothing, thinking hard. "That's worse than bad." The fact that Kiba had turned to Sachiko for consolation was mind-blowing. That she had needed to turn to Sachiko for consolation made the world drop out from under her and spin her on her head. What the hell were Hinaji and Hoshino doing?! Naruko met Sachiko's gaze, her expression fiercely determined.
"Think I should talk to Hoshino?" She'd already talked to Kiba, with Sachiko's help they'd barely held those broken pieces together. Seeing Kiba in such a wreck made Naruko feel sick to her stomach. Kiba had never looked so broken in all the years they'd known each other, and it hurt.
"I don't know. It might help. I already gave her the metaphorical boot to the pants to talk to Kiba. With a promise to make it a literal ass-kicking if she didn't start trying to work with Kiba to fix what was wrong." Sachiko smirked momentarily, then became serious again. "They can't change the fact that Tsurude took Kureno-san away from them, but they can still keep together as a team."
"Yeah." It was, unfortunately, a necessary evil. There was no way they'd be able to take back Kureno-sensei as their own, but at least they had each other. They just needed to realize that before it was too late. "I'll find Hoshino as soon as possible, see if talking to her will help any. It seemed to help Kiba a little, so why the hell not. Maybe I'll be able to help speed that little talk they need to have on a little. Wish me luck, yeah?"
"Good luck. And at least try not to drag Hoshino to the Inuzuka compound?" Sachiko suggested as she rubbed idly the back of her neck.
It felt... weird. Less like a weight had lifted, and more like pressure that had been released. Not especially in the mood for delving into deeper thoughts she just simply enjoyed it. The fact that it had been Kiba and Hoshino's situation to push her was still a bit short of amazing, to her. She cared about Kiba, sure. And not just because Kiba reminded her of Naruko, though that wasn't to be forgotten. And seeing how much Kiba was hurting through this, and then to have Hoshino do what she was doing... It gave Sachiko the chance to understand how Naruko must've felt. Only not until now could Sachiko put it in so many words, even in her thoughts.
"I won't drag her, but is throwing her over my shoulder and carrying her there out too?" There was a glint of humor in Naruko's summer blue eyes.
"I've decided that the smile counts as a 'yes' and that I didn't hear you say anything." Linking her hands together, Sachiko lifted her arms so she could stretch out her back. Slouch for long enough and your spine gets to hurting. Especially when cold out. "One last question for you - can I still call you 'dobe', dobe?"
"I dunno, can I still call you 'teme,' teme?" Naruko's grin was broad and foxy, her canines glinting in the light as her eyes squeezed shut. Things were different now, but there was still something left from when they were genin that held true, still strong over the course of time. It was a good feeling, the sensation of being home that always drew her back, how she knew where to find her team even though they weren't one anymore. She'd missed that feeling.
The response was typical Sachiko: "Yeah, sure, fine. Whatever." But even with her eyes closed, the expression on her face was less smirk and more actual smile. "Dobe."
"Teme." Naruko's grin was almost feral, but still good-natured as she jumped down from the rail. "I'll see you around."
"See ya."
Sachiko thumped her way up the stairs to Naruko's balcony apartment, so intent on her goal she ignored everyone she came across. She swung around the corner and didn't quite run (though definitely moved at a swift stride) to Naruko's apartment. Once outside the door she paused to run a hand through her short hair, then knocked loudly on the wood beneath the apartment numbers.
She tried not to think. If she started thinking, the doubts would creep in. If the doubts creeped in, then she'd want to run away. And if she ran away, not only would she be breaking a promise to herself but there was no way to tell when her resolve might firm enough again to do this. And she needed to do this. Spending time with Kiba, then seeing Hoshino; both of them had made her realize she had quite a few things to say to Naruko.
"Hey," she said when the blonde opened the door. "Wanna go for a walk?"
Because she sure as hell wasn't going to talk about everything here. No, better towe be out in the open and away from other people.
"Yo." Naruko's hand came up in a gesture obviously inherited from Kakami, her greeting just as lazy. At the request, her eyebrows creeped up, and she scratched the back of her head. "Sure, but lemme change. C'mon in." She stepped aside so Sachiko could enter, turning to head back to her bedroom. Her hair was down, long enough to reach mid-back, and her pajamas were a black tanktop over faded orange pants. Naruko had just finished having a combination lunch and breakfast and was cleaning up when Sachiko had knocked.
When she came out of her bedroom a few minutes later, she was running a brush through her hair and expertly tying it up into a pair of pristine pigtails. She wore her favorite black and orange jacket over a mesh shirt, but the jacket left her stomach bare now that she'd finally developed boobs. Her orange shorts were a length that was barely legal, but Naruko was comfortable in them. She sat down on the couch near the door and pulled on some boots with metal shin guards before jumping up with a stretch.
"Okay!" Naruko grinned, her arms dropping to her sides. "I'm ready to go! Anyplace in particular you wanna go?"
Sachiko tried not to stare at Naruko's choice of clothes. Because... "I'm not sure if it escaped your notice, but it is January. You're going to freeze in that getup." Sachiko herself wore long pants and a woolen jacket over her long-sleeved hoodie. No hat, but if it became needed, she would put her hoodie up. In the meantime it stayed at the nape, while her hitae-ate hung around the front of her neck.
Sure, Naruko could heal all kinds of wounds because of the Kyuubi, but somehow Sachiko doubted the same was true of illness.
"It is?" Naruko blinked owlishly and practically pressed her face against the nearest window trying to get a good look at the sky. "Oh wow, it is! I hadn't even noticed. Awww, not even enough snow to have a good snowball fight, either. Damn." She thumped a hand against the windowframe and tsked.
"Guess I'd better change then. Sorry 'bout that." She dashed off back to her room, changing out her shorts and jacket for orange pants that rolled up at the ankle and a hooded track jacket. The boots she kept, but ditched the shin guards, and was pulling on a pair of black gloves when she strolled out into the front room again.
"Even missed the best part of winter, shoot." She grumbled to herself and stuffed her hands in her jacket pockets. "Think I'm dressed right this time?"
Dark eyes swept over her before Sachiko nodded. (Seriously, though, how could Naruko not know it was cold outside?) "That'll do. I was thinking we could go to the bridge," she continued. She didn't need to specify which bridge. For Team 7, only one bridge in the village mattered. "You ready?"
"Always!" Naruko grinned. "A ninja should always be prepared!" Tugging her hood up to keep her ears warm--which made the fox ears on the hood stand up--Naruko led the way out and locked the door behind them.
Sachiko said nothing as they walked. She was too busy concentrating on not running and keeping her stride controlled so she remained even with Naruko instead of surging forward.
Yes, this was her idea. Yes, this was inspired by the not-fighting that Kiba and Hoshino were engaging in. Most assuredly yes, this would be a long time in coming. Still didn't mean she wouldn't rather just forget the whole thing and go do something else. Like train. Or read. Or spend time with her cat. Or something. Something that didn't involve going to the bridge to talk about that which she was gearing herself up to talk about.
She didn't know how to feel about this. There was dread and anticipation, nervousness, guilt and worry and fear, and hope, all crushed into one spiked, leaden ball that was trying to shred its way out of her stomach. She strove to not give off any bodily cues more than she already had. And for that, she chose to put her hood up as well as stuff her hands into her pockets.
When the bridge appeared in the distance, though, she slowed her pace as the reality and the enormity of everything came to a head. It wasn't cold enough for the river to freeze over, so cold blue water still flowed beneath the bridge. Memories flashed, good and bad, in front of her eyes. The instinct to shove them away nearly won out, but for once Sachiko let herself remember. She stepped onto the wooden planks, as gingerly as if they were made of spun glass. One step, two steps, three steps, four, and so on until she was about midway out. Looking at the rail, she reached out to place her hand on it and recalled how she used to always slouch against it as the three of them waited for Kakami-sensei to show up and give another one of her lame excuses for being late. How she would watch Naruko and Sakurai get all worked up over Kakami-sensei's lack of punctuality while the one-eyed jounin just laughed and rubbed the back of her head sheepishly.
So much had happened since then.
She closed her eyes and sighed silently, shoulders falling as she leaned against the rail like in days of old. Difference being was that unlike then, she was gripping the rail rather hard with both hands.
The silence was awkward at best, and only getting more so. Naruko's breath was a cloud of mist, and she leaned against the railing, one heel resting on the lower wooden bars as she tipped her head back to gaze up at the sky. It was a winter blue, icy clouds scudding across the pale expanse overhead and the sound of the creek beneath them was subdued unlike the spring and summer rush of water. Whatever Sachiko wanted to talk to her about was giving her problems, so Naruko let her think, allowing herself to get reacquainted with her surroundings. The last couple years had been a mix of lonesome training or being dragged off to other places, and Naruko'd been separated from her friends and the places she'd been familiar with for one reason or another. She was out of touch, and things had changed a lot between everyone since she'd gone on that vacation to Suna with Leigh.
Things had happened in the village, everyone had changed while she'd been away, Sachiko had opened up to people in a way that all of Naruko's time with her never had if her time with Kiba was any indication. Kiba and Hinaji may or may not be an item still, Naruko had gotten completely left behind for the most recent Jounin exams, but that was probably for the best, as she was stronger now, a better shinobi, her skills having been honed while she'd spent her time in seclusion while everyone else was dealing with a social fallout that Naruko was only beginning to catch wind of.
It had been a long, long time since they were genin on Team 7, and it felt like none of them were the same people anymore. Well, maybe Kakami was, but Naruko hadn't seen her in a long time.
"Hey," Naruko watched the way Sachiko's hands strained. "Keep that up and the railing might break."
Then again, they'd abused this particular bridge quite a lot over the years. She was surprised it was still sturdy after so much action.
A puff-breath that might've been a laugh escaped Sachiko, and she relaxed enough to lift a hand to push her hood down. A glance down at where her hand had been revealed indentations in the wood that matched her grip. Damn seal... She shook her head and tucked a tuft of short hair behind her ear. Or tried to, anyway. The tuft was too short to stay in place. She dropped her arm so it mirrored the other and stared out at nothing.
"...Naruko, I... I'm sorry I tried to kill you at the Valley. I told you that you were my closest friend, and I meant it, and... and I still tried to kill you."
Naruko's focused gaze had a predatory sharpness to it, an edge to the brilliant blue that hadn't been there a moment ago. The pupils seemed slitted for just a moment and then she blinked, eyelids sliding shut for a few heartbeats as she took a deep breath and exhaled a stream of mist. When her eyes opened again to look up at Sachiko, it was just Naruko. Tired, worn out, and a little hurt looking, but she offered a wan smile as her expression softened.
"I know." And she did. Naruko had always felt that bond with Sachiko, had felt it like a cord that bound them together. The fight at the Valley at the End had been a desperate attempt to keep it from breaking, Naruko had fought with tooth and nail, her voice had been raw from screaming and sobbing and wanting to beat the shit out of Sachiko. The cord had been frayed badly, but Naruko had pushed on for years trying to pretend that everything had been okay.
Only it wasn't.
That fight on the very bridge they were standing on had been proof. Naruko had been hurt, lonely and jealous, half-terrified of what she'd heard about a seal Orochimayu had put on Sakurai. She'd felt like she was being cut out of their lives, that they were still trying to get rid of her, and she'd seen them together while she was mad about something else and had completely snapped. She and Sachiko had nearly killed Sakurai once, and had scared him half to death at least twice before. That last fight when Naruko had lost so much control she'd slipped into her two-tailed form as she let loose her anger had almost ended just as badly. They'd been lucky. Really lucky.
"I'd apologize for it too, but a part of me wants to say it was your fault in the first place." Naruko's grin was bitter and she shook her head, leaning back to look over the water at the grove of trees across the creek. "I'm not sorry I won that fight at the Valley, but I am sorry about freaking out at you and Sakurai year before last, and using Kyuubi when I knew full well I shouldn't've. I'd been scared, after hearing that the snake-bitch had him, I've never felt so scared before. And I was mad, because I couldn't do anything to help, an' nobody would talk to me about what'd happened, and then seeing you two together..."
She shook her head, upset with herself. "I got mad because I was scared and jealous, and I could've done more damage than we did at the Valley. A lot more. My seal's getting weaker, Sachiko. Someday it's gonna be gone, and there won't be a difference between me an' Kyuubi anymore." Naruko looked out over the water again, her eyes sad. "I just hope I'll be the one on top when it happens."
"About the Kyuubi..." Sachiko shook her head. No, that was later. She looked at Naruko, her head tilted so that her bangs fell across her forehead. "That fight before I mindwalked you... I knew you were pissed. Gods, Naruko, I could feel... not everything, because I keep my walls strong, but what I could feel... I knew you were riding the similar kind of feelings like at the Valley. I could feel how close the Kyuubi was to the surface. I didn't want to bother you, I wanted you to keep going so you could vent in a way that wouldn't be... harmful. But then Sakurai wouldn't listen, and you said you hated me..." This time her laugh was audible and bitter. "It hurt, but I was glad. I was glad you hated me. I wanted you to hate me. I wanted you to despise me, to not care about me, because--because then you'd be safe from me. Because we wouldn't be closest friends anymore.
"Because, Naruko..." She closed her eyes and wiped the wet from them. "Because the way to gain the mangekyou Sharingan is to kill your closest friend. That's why I wanted to kill you. So I could gain those Eyes, the ones that Itae has, and kill her. But when that didn't work, when I lost our fight at the Valley... It took... I.... I needed you to hate me. I needed to become so... so... I can't think of the word. But as long as we weren't closest friends, I wouldn't be tempted by the fact that I could get those Eyes so easily, because you trusted me. So you'd be safe. From me."
She laughed, only it sounded more like a sob. "Ibiki and Tsurude are going to kick my ass if they find out about this."
"About you telling me the truth?" Naruko watched her with that strange, not-quite-Naruko stare, then glanced away. "I'm not supposed to talk about the way the seal weakens either." It wasn't as forbidden as talking about the fact that she was sealed in the first place, but it was classified. She only knew because in a fit of worried anger, Jimaiya had cuffed her behind one ear and had yelled at her. It had been after a training accident that Jimaiya almost hadn't survived. Naruko hadn't learned why until recently.
"You hadn't been the same since the Chuunin Exams." Naruko stared at the planks beneath her feet, frowning. "Ever since then, you started acting funny, started getting more and more angry with everyone and talking about things like you were half crazy. I'd been wondering if that's how you'd been the entire time and I didn't notice, or if I ought to have blamed that on Orochimayu."
The silence stretched out as Naruko paused to think, idly running her hand over the part at the back of her head.
"You still afraid of us being friends? That you still need the Mangekyou to kill Itae?"
"I don't know. I do know... The seal's changed me. Physically, mentally... I don't think it's too unlike the Kyuubi. It's a part of me I never wanted that can't be removed. It talks to me, when my emotions are up and the barrier weakens." Sachiko ran a hand through her hair. "But yeah, I'm telling you the truth. I haven't been the same since that bitch bit me.
"Then again, I haven't been the same since Itae killed everyone. The seal's fever-dreams and general existance... Between the two of them, they pushed me over the edge. I was mad with power-lust. I still am, I think."
Naruko actually laughed, throwing her head back and laughing until there were tears in the corners of her eyes. "Hell, Sachiko, I probably could've told you that!"
She sobered quickly, scrubbing her face with a hand, her voice shifted into something deeper, a more serious tone than Naruko had ever used. "You don't recover from a seal, you just live with it. The question is, are you willing to accept that and do what you need to do to overcome it.
"Do you still feel you need to rely on the seal to help take down Itae?" Her head cocked, the abrupt gesture not quite normal.
Sachiko had scowled when the blonde laughed, but it smoothed away as she studied Naruko. Something was a bit off about her, but Sachiko wasn't one to really talk seeing as all the talking she had been doing so far, and wasn't totally done. But she would remember that.
"Considering how 'helpful' it was the last time? I think I'd as soon as tear the thing out of my shoulder and be done with it. Missed her wide with the hybrid, and yet the chakra-claws Hanato-san taught me... I actually scored her deep enough to make her bleed." Oddly enough, there wasn't any pride in her tone this time. Just a resigned weariness.
"Well, at least you know you're improving." Naruko shrugged. "Maybe the key to it is to stop listening to all these crazy bitches and just train, learn what you can and become as strong as you can. Letting them drive you into a frenzy doesn't help, because being angry makes you lose your focus. Even I'm starting to learn that lesson, as funny as it sounds. There is a time and a place for being angry, and letting it make you sloppy while you're training isn't it. Save it for when you can use it to help it pack an extra punch into your attack, but don't let it get the best of you.
"Otherwise you just end up flailing around and letting them make an ass out of you while they beat you up." Naruko rubbed her nose and sniffed, the chill was starting to make it runny, which was kinda gross. The lesson really had been a long time coming, and once Naruko had finally taken it to heart, Jimaiya had mentioned that her attacks had become more effective. Feeling and seeing the improvement in her abilities had helped. Maybe some of the conversations she'd had while Jimaiya was out boozing had actually been useful after all. Ah, well.
"Been there, done that, actually. Got the medical files to prove it, too."
Sachiko shifted her posture, uncrossing her legs then recrossing them so that now the opposite lay over the other. Her head fell back so she was looking straight up at the sky. "There's something that doesn't make sense. About the mangekyou, I mean. Aside from the fact I'm able to say that word, repeatedly, and not throw up. It has to do with the Kyuubi." She dropped her head forward so she could watch Naruko's reaction. "Those Eyes can control the Kyuubi. I don't have them, but when I mindwalked you, I was still able to push it back behind the seal. That's what doesn't add up."
Naruko scowled, thinking hard. "Did you hear about that from Itae, or what? Is there any way you can check?"
"Heh. No, she didn't tell me. There's actually a scroll that's got it written down."
"Really? Well, that certainly makes things a little easier. It's better than trying to hunt her down and throttle her until she tells us what we want to hear, right?" Naruko grinned, trying to be funny.
The humor attempt fell flat. "I suppose." Sachiko had said her piece, had apologized and explained, hadn't turned into a blubbering idiot like those two times with Kakami-sensei... That's right. "Kakami-sensei doesn't know about this, either. What those Eyes can do against the Kyuubi."
"Now the question is if that's a good thing or a bad thing." Naruko chewed on her lip for a while. "It's probably better than she doesn't know, Kakami-sensei overextends herself as it is. You've seen what happens if she uses the Sharingan too much, what it does to her afterwards. Think of how much worse it'd get if she tried to keep Kyuubi bottled up everytime I slipped up. It's no good, we'll have to bring it up with Tsurude-ojii in case something happens with me and Akatsuki, but we've got to keep Kaka-sensei in the dark. Otherwise she might get herself hospitalized for good, and I don't want that to happen."
"Kakami-sensei's got the mangekyou, Naruko," Sachiko said quietly. "I don't know how, because I... I know she wouldn't kill her closest friend." The whole of the memories of that day, of Kakami asking about the mangekyou, of Sachiko's own meltdown and the confrontation-conversation with Kiba flashed through her mind. The Sharingan parts of course standing out brighter than the others. And quick on those memories' heels was the subsequent going to Kakami's apartment to apologize for breaking her arm, and...
She shook her head sharply. She didn't want to remember that. Not now. She was feeling heartsore enough as it was.
"Maybe there's another way to get it, then. A way where you don't have to kill the person you care the most for. Whoever decided that was a good way to release a bloodline limit deserves a kick in the teeth if you ask me." Naruko stifled a yawn with her hand.
"If there is, I don't know it. And the scroll didn't say. You probably don't recall too much, but my doujutsu evolves generally under intense stress and strain. I awoke it when I nearly died fighting Haku. I attained a full Sharingan trying to kill you."
"Well, we'll see how it goes, then. Maybe you could ask Kakami how she got it. Then again, she'll probably find a way to get out of telling you. Hmm." Again, she chewed on her lip, looking thoughtful.
Sachiko tried not to flinch at the remembered wet-sounding crackling-snap that had been Kakami's arm breaking. Kakami had forgiven her for that, but the guilt remained unassuaged. Instead of replying however, Sachiko simply raised an eyebrow as Naruko grew thoughtful. Sometimes silence was better in trying to think.
In the end, Naruko threw up her hands and stretched with a groan. "I've got nothin'."
Another long pause.
"Hey, Sachiko?"
"...Yeah?"
"What brought all this up, anyway?" Naruko perched on the rail as she watched her friend. "I mean, asking me on the walk and apologizing and everything."
A very valid question, truth be told. Nevermind that Sachiko had been wanting to apologize for a while, but hadn't worked up the nerve before Naruko had vanished with Jimaiya. This was the culmination of things little and big. But what had spurred her the most was... "I'm seeing Kiba and Hoshino walk down the same path, and... While I don't think Hoshino'd try to kill Kiba... Deja vu." She wasn't looking at Naruko now. "With the unexpected benefit what it looked like from the outside. Only they're in the early stages. But enough similarities are there to draw parallels.
"I've talked to both of them. Well, you knew I was spending time with Kiba. So I got to hear a lot of things from her. But I think... I didn't realize how serious it was until Hoshino was asking me if Kiba was okay. Me, Naruko. ...I don't think I need to explain how messed up that is."
"Shit." Naruko hissed, looking away. Gnawing on her thumbnail through her glove, she glared at nothing, thinking hard. "That's worse than bad." The fact that Kiba had turned to Sachiko for consolation was mind-blowing. That she had needed to turn to Sachiko for consolation made the world drop out from under her and spin her on her head. What the hell were Hinaji and Hoshino doing?! Naruko met Sachiko's gaze, her expression fiercely determined.
"Think I should talk to Hoshino?" She'd already talked to Kiba, with Sachiko's help they'd barely held those broken pieces together. Seeing Kiba in such a wreck made Naruko feel sick to her stomach. Kiba had never looked so broken in all the years they'd known each other, and it hurt.
"I don't know. It might help. I already gave her the metaphorical boot to the pants to talk to Kiba. With a promise to make it a literal ass-kicking if she didn't start trying to work with Kiba to fix what was wrong." Sachiko smirked momentarily, then became serious again. "They can't change the fact that Tsurude took Kureno-san away from them, but they can still keep together as a team."
"Yeah." It was, unfortunately, a necessary evil. There was no way they'd be able to take back Kureno-sensei as their own, but at least they had each other. They just needed to realize that before it was too late. "I'll find Hoshino as soon as possible, see if talking to her will help any. It seemed to help Kiba a little, so why the hell not. Maybe I'll be able to help speed that little talk they need to have on a little. Wish me luck, yeah?"
"Good luck. And at least try not to drag Hoshino to the Inuzuka compound?" Sachiko suggested as she rubbed idly the back of her neck.
It felt... weird. Less like a weight had lifted, and more like pressure that had been released. Not especially in the mood for delving into deeper thoughts she just simply enjoyed it. The fact that it had been Kiba and Hoshino's situation to push her was still a bit short of amazing, to her. She cared about Kiba, sure. And not just because Kiba reminded her of Naruko, though that wasn't to be forgotten. And seeing how much Kiba was hurting through this, and then to have Hoshino do what she was doing... It gave Sachiko the chance to understand how Naruko must've felt. Only not until now could Sachiko put it in so many words, even in her thoughts.
"I won't drag her, but is throwing her over my shoulder and carrying her there out too?" There was a glint of humor in Naruko's summer blue eyes.
"I've decided that the smile counts as a 'yes' and that I didn't hear you say anything." Linking her hands together, Sachiko lifted her arms so she could stretch out her back. Slouch for long enough and your spine gets to hurting. Especially when cold out. "One last question for you - can I still call you 'dobe', dobe?"
"I dunno, can I still call you 'teme,' teme?" Naruko's grin was broad and foxy, her canines glinting in the light as her eyes squeezed shut. Things were different now, but there was still something left from when they were genin that held true, still strong over the course of time. It was a good feeling, the sensation of being home that always drew her back, how she knew where to find her team even though they weren't one anymore. She'd missed that feeling.
The response was typical Sachiko: "Yeah, sure, fine. Whatever." But even with her eyes closed, the expression on her face was less smirk and more actual smile. "Dobe."
"Teme." Naruko's grin was almost feral, but still good-natured as she jumped down from the rail. "I'll see you around."
"See ya."