(no subject)
Dear Miss Manners:
Please help my friend see how rude and wrong she has been.
Jean's husband went blind from an illness. She was wonderful in the situation. She always wore perfume since he couldn't see her. Arranged the house for his convenience. She read the paper to him every day and they did the puzzle together.
When he died, I knew she would be perfect for a male friend of mine who is also blind. She overreacted and said she would never go through that again. She had let her appearance go since he couldn't see her, and she liked to read the paper to herself.
But taking care of her husband brought out the best in her, and that is when people are really happy. So I invited my blind friend over to try Jean's home cooking. She is really a spectacular cook. I brought all the ingredients and then invited Jean over. When she arrived and found Zachary here, she said, "Oh, no" and walked out.
How do you think that made him feel? My husband and myself had made plans to go out so they could be alone, so we had to ask Zachary to leave.
When I scolded Jean the next day, she jumped on me for making him go home alone and without any dinner. She claims Zachary was our guest, not hers. But we invited him for her because they would be good for each other. Now she won't talk to me at all.
Why is it that those who try to make the world a better place end up unappreciated?
Could it be because they have no compunction about grossly insulting and humiliating their guests under the guise of doing them explicitly unwelcome favors?
Miss Manners can hardly count the etiquette atrocities you committed. She tries to remind herself that you meant well, but frankly she can't manage it. If you had given your friends' feelings any thought at all, you would never have done this.
You attempted to trap a guest into a blind date she wished to avoid and into cooking dinner when you had invited her.
You led another guest to believe his company would be welcome when you knew it was not, and you threw him out of the house hungry.
Worst of all, you made it clear to supposed friends that the outstanding characteristic of one was his blindness, and of the other her sacrifices -- discounting that they were done for love of her husband rather than a love of sacrifice -- so it didn't matter whether they really had anything in common.
And you call them unappreciative?
oh my. i think she hit the nail on the head on this one.
Dear Prudence,
I have been invited on a family vacation with three other couples, two with children and one without. One family's children range in age from 4 to 12, and the other has high-school and college-age girls. Of the four couples, I am the only one who is in a long-term relationship, but not married. We are all in our 40s. The other couples have stated that if I come with my significant other, we would have to sleep in separate rooms because it is inappropriate for us to share a room with impressionable children around. I was surprised by this and declined the invitation because while I respect other people's moral views, I didn't think it was appropriate for us to have to hide our relationship. They said they didn't find anything wrong with us sleeping together on principle; it has to do with the values they want to set for their young children. I feel that they are making a moral judgment about our relationship and being hypocritical by asking us to sleep separately, since they have had sex outside of marriage. I think if any of the children had a question about us, their parents should be open and honest with them; to hide our relationship seems dishonest and merely avoids an issue that should be openly discussed if and when it is brought up. How would you handle the situation?
-Baffled
Dear Baff,
Prudie would have made the decision you did. You are in your 40s, after all. It is likely that the high-school and college-age kids wouldn't have given it a thought, given what's going on today with their own peers. As for the younger ones, they likely wouldn't have noticed or cared ... or if they had, a short explanation would have made it a non-issue. One has to respect the parents' wishes, however, which is what you did. Prudie agrees with you that it would have been phony-and expensive-to go along with the charade of two rooms just so the kids would not ask questions ... or require answers.
-Prudie, honestly
so they are trying to teach their children to "wait until marriage" even though they dont beleive it themselves, dumb. not to mention sleeping in the same room means nothing sexually
Dear Prudie,
Love your advice, so here's my issue. When my wife and I were young and struggling several years ago, we were very close with another couple who were in the same financial/professional shape we were, but better off in terms of where they lived. Subsequently, my career took off, enabling us to move to a nice town, have kids, and allow my wife to give up her successful job. Our friends have also moved and had children but haven't done as well professionally or financially. Despite my wife and I being the same people we always were, and having them over a number of times, it hasn't been reciprocated since our move. Complicating the situation is that we asked them to be our first son's godparents several years ago, but come his past few birthdays, there has been silence on their end. The question is this: Is it worth making one last attempt to contact or confront "friends" who are so threatened or jealous of us?
-M.R.
Dear M.,
Your dilemma calls to mind the old saw, "Actions speak louder than words." You've entertained them, they've not reciprocated. The unspoken message is that they feel they don't measure up, and "talking it out" will not change how they feel. It is unfortunate when these things happen, but there you are. Alas, such a situation is not all that uncommon. Just let things ride; it will be easier on everyone. You and your wife have become a difficult connection for them, and you have nothing to gain by pursuing them. At least you understand the dynamic, so there are no mysteries about what happened to the relationship. Try to remember the good times and just say RIP to something that used to be good, but is no longer.
-Prudie, acceptingly
who's to say that is even the reason they have not contacted them/invited them over/whatever, maybe they just have lives, maybe they have to work more, maybe their kids have lots of sporting events, etc.etc.etc.