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[narrow_streets]

I'm coming back to my better self. It's an ascend this time, a good start. I think my big failure was that I tried to include my broken-ness into my life. The schizo isn't the broken-ness, because I can handle it. The broken-ness is anything I can't handle. To handle things is better than to destroy them. When I can handle something, it is a better

Comments

[callmeal]

So you are replacing one unrealistic (not to mention unreal), obsessive relationship with another obsessive, unrealistic relationship? This is not improvement at all.

[narrow_streets]

I don't think I'm replacing something. The mistress is in her 40's. She lives on Madagaskar. She is married. It has something to do with my need for loyatly to someone. But I can't handle that in confusion, as it was the case with Indira. She sees value in me, a spark, that can become fire. Ya know how that feels? To feel valuable? In some way, my grappling for sanity was the reason why I remained insane. That I didn't write about all the hurt in me, that I just pushed it somewhere, let it eat myself up. I was like a man who dropped his back of personality, and it all fell out and spread on the floor like a mess. It wasn't really in me anymore, I wasn't united in me. The thing is, Jens, that I did love Indira. It wasn't fake. But something happened, it made me insane. Insanity's not just a mental failure, it's often the result of trauma. Ya know, if I had come to you and would have looked as sad as I was deep inside, you would have understood. When I had cried, you would have understood. But you only saw me trying to be polite, that's