Fic: Blinding
She'd made a mistake, ever leaving Underland. If she'd thought that her nightmares -her memories- had been bad before, it was worse now that she knew it was all real. Instead of fear, she longed for sleep, for the dreams of a world where she was never sneered at for believing in impossible things, where no one ever questioned her choices, and where she never had suitors forced upon her. (Everyone in Underland would have hated Hamish, of that she was sure.)
Almost as soon as night fell, Alice was in her bed, where she remained until long after the sun rose in the sky. Her mother heard her talking in her sleep, strange word like 'frabjous' and 'Bandersnatch' and still stranger questions.
"Why is a raven like a writing desk?"
If she tried waking her daughter, Alice would very often cry. "Let me sleep," she would beg. "He's waiting for me!" And Helen, assuming that the poor girl was dreaming of her father, let the girl keep her refuge, never knowing that it wasn't Charles Alice dreamed of seeing again. No, her dreams were havens of beautiful smiles, carrot red hair, calloused scarred hands, wonderous creatures, scones and flying tea cups, and apple green eyes, always so filled with love.
Alice grew thinner, paler, and quieter, and people around her, both in the waking world, and the world of her dreams, grew more worried about her. All she did was sleep, then wake to walk the grounds with breakneck speed for hours at a time, spending any energy she had so she could sleep again.
Tarrant is worried, when she sees him in her dreams.
"You look so tired, Alice." He murmurs, stroking her hair and throat, gentle fingers tracing the contours of her cheekbones.
"How can I be tired?" She laughs, dancing out of his careful hands. "I'm asleep right now, aren't I?" He follows her, catching hold of her wrist.
"You're too pale, Alice, and far too thin. Do you ever eat when your awake? Do you see the sun at all?"
"Hatter!" She smiles at his worry, brushing it away. "You shouldn't worry so much! I'm happy here, happy as I've ever been."
"It's not healthy, to come here like this. The Queen says-" "Oh, Tarrant." She brushes his cheek with her fingertips, and wraps her arms around his waist, her head resting on his chest. "I'm fine."
His eyes flash a moment as she turns his words, often used but rarely meant, against him. He sighs and pushes her away. "No, you're not."
"Tarrant-"
"No, Alice." He touches the place where shadows form beneath her eyes. "You have to wake up."
"No!" She cries, reaching for him again, but he pulls away from her again, pain written on his face. "Tarrant, please-"
"Dear Alice, I love you...I love you too much." He kissed her then, fierce and gentle, stealing her breath and giving her his, an apology, a promise, and a love song written only for her. "But I can't watch you destroy yourself for this place. And I won't let you do it for me."
He begins to fade, and she knows if she wakes up she won't see him again until she finds her way back to Underland for good.
"Tarrant, don't leave!" She wakes up speaking those words, alone in her own bedroom, sunlight streaming in her open window. She sits up, touching her lips, where the kiss he gave her still lingers and smiles. She jumps from her bed, reaching for her dressing gown.
She'll eat breakfast, a big one.
She'll smile and laugh, hug her mother and suggest she invite Margret for lunch.
And when her sister comes, she'll hug her too.
She'll lay out in the sun for an hour or so.
And when all that's done, when the sun begins to set, she won't go to sleep. No, she'll find a rabbit hole and fall down, back to where she belongs. And he'll be waiting for her there. And she'll never have to limit herself to dreams again.