i knew it, i'm surrounded by assholes
NaBloPoMo, Day Fourteen
Cookies Eaten: Two
Cups of Coffee: None
Vegetables: Thai food leftovers, and some broccoli and corn.
Naughty Words: Who gives a crap.
Mexican Food: None
- - -
Once again, The Collective has asked us to reach deep inside and embrace that part of ourselves that does not dare to make itself public. But first, a preface:
Dark Helmet: What's wrong with you? Fire across her nose, not up it!
[The gunman turns around and is cross-eyed]
Gunman: Sorry, sir. I'm doing my best.
Dark Helmet: Who made that man a gunman?
Cross-eyed Gunman 2: I did, sir. He's my cousin.
Dark Helmet: Who is that?
Col. Sanders: He's an asshole, sir.
Dark Helmet: I know that, who is he?
Col. Sanders: That's his name, "Asshole". Major Asshole.
Dark Helmet: What about him?
Col. Sanders: He's an asshole too, sir.
Dark Helmet: How many assholes we got on this ship, anyhow?
Everyone on the Ship: Yo, sir!
Dark Helmet: I knew it, I'm surrounded by assholes.
So what makes me an asshole? Let's think for a minute. And please, try to keep in mind that I've had a pretty bad day.
1. When this whole "Greatest Depression" thing started, I didn't really care.
Because I'm a grad student, I'm guaranteed at least seven years of funding, so I can't really lose my main source of income. Plus also I had my job at Barnes & Noble and my job at the Arizona Inn. For the first time in a while I didn't really have to worry about money.
2. When other people are losing their jobs left and right, I pre-order Battlestar Galactica 4.0 on DVD and a t-shirt that claims "Zartram the Merciless" was one of the Founding Fathers.
I also seriously contemplated buying the $100 special edition Tales of Beedle the Bard. I also spend $5-10 on coffee daily.
3. I am such an asshole that I can't even stop spending money when I realize that I need to pay my $700 car insurance bill on December 1st, buy my mom a 60th birthday present, and have enough moola to drive back and forth between Tucson and Scottsdale at least three times over the Holidays.
Also, to buy people presents and pay my rent for December.
4. I am such an asshole that when I was let go from my job at the Inn today, all I could think was how much I hate everyone for not having enough money.
And I don't even care that the Inn might have to shut its doors because people just aren't traveling, or that this is the first time ever that there have been so many lay-offs. Seriously, rich people. You are only making the economy worse by not traveling! Us poor workers are getting laid off right and left because you want to keep your savings accounts nice and stuffed. Don't you know this economic crisis is all in your heads!?
5. I will not be buying any of you Christmas presents, I will be eating nothing but beans and sandwiches, I will pout mercilessly, and I will complain the whole time.
Anybody filthy rich and want to send me some money? Please, sir, please! Can I have some more? I mean, think of the children. Won't it make your holidays just that much more special, knowing you've allowed one more consumer whore to continue on her misguided way? This asshole is leaving it up to you.