emo becca returns...
sorry guys i really need to rant.
so friday night i was texting my sister. she's in kentucky with my other little sister since its there february vacation. i asked her what was going on and what they were doing. and she told me that saturday night my dad was having his "friend" over to dinner so that my sisters could meet her. and when katie texted me this info she also put friend in quotations.
so right away i go into this crazy protective mode....
why is dad having this "friend" over? he hasnt brought any other friends over for dinner.... so obviously this is a special "friend". why hasn't my dad mentioned this "friend" before? is my dad hiding something from me?
so basically i've already completely counted out the idea that my dad could be just friends with this lady.
upon further investigation and numerous texts with katie i learn that my dad's "friend" has three kids who will also come to dinner. i dont want to sound like a selfesh spoiled brat but i dont like the idea of my dad dating someone with kids. why? because that means that those kids get to spend quality time with my dad that i dont get to spend. because it means that theres the possibility that my dad could form bonds and relationships with these kids that i never was able to form because of never seeing him. because it means my dad could make these kids a priority in his life, and ive never really felt like he made me a priority. if i dont get to spend time time with my dad and i'm his own blood related daughter, i dont think its fair that these kids can just walk into his life and get to spend all this time with him.
so i guess my dad spent all day saturday cooking. he roaseted a full chicken, made his homemade stuffing., mashed potatoes, squash and my sister told me that he baked two pies. who makes pies when just a friends is coming over to dinner? and not just one.... two!! her name is misty, which sounds like a stripper name if you ask me. only two of her kids came with her. they ate dinner and watched a movie. i asked katie if they were flirting alot or made googily eyes at each other and she told me that for the most part they seemed like just friends but they had their moments. when i asked her to explain she replied "nothing". and i guess misty fell asleep watching the movie. which tells me that obvs this girl feels comfertable enough around my dad and in my house to let herself relax and fall asleep. which means shes been around for awhile. which leads me to the question of why my dad has never mentioned her.
i've been very vocal to my dad about what i think about him dating after everything with lauree, and not to mention his other girlfriends. im not just gonna form a relationship and become best friends with some woman my dad brings home. ive been hurt too many times. and with lauree my heart was broken. and im still trying to pick up those pieces. (excuse the corny cliche). im going to be protective of myself. i have to be. i dont ever want to be as unhappy as i was when i watched lauree go. im just not going to be buddy buddy with this lady.... and thats how i always reacted in the past.
and this "friend" and the fact that my dad has introduced her to my sisters has brought up everything with lauree again in my mind. not that it wasnt there before, theres not a day that goes by that i dont think about her and i always have dreams about her. but this situation is causing me to face the bad times with lauree. the pain, and the hurt, and the heartbrake. i dont think that i could make it through something like that again with all my sanity. i cant even explain to you how tramatic it was. and i know your probably thinking that it happened two years ago and i need to let go and forget about it. but then again you havent expereinced anything remotely like that have you?
so the worst part about this situation is that my dad didnt even have the balls to tell me about his "friend". i had to hear it from my sister. i asked katie if i was going to meet misty when i go to visit for spring break, and she asked my dad, and apparently it wasnt origianlly planned that i meet her, probably because my dads afraid ill be a bitch, which i will be, but now i am going to meet her. i just have so many questions.
was that meeting the first time my dad met her kids? and if it wasnt, i talk to my dad a couple times a week, and when i ask him what he did and he always says just working. so obvs hes been hiding the fact that he met someone or spent time with someone. which pisses me off. because he makes it come across that hes all depressed all the time and im sure hes sad and stuff but if hes out doing stuff then that means i dont have to worry sick about him sitting at home drinking himself to death. like wtf? and then it makes me question everything. like the time a woman answered the phone when i called MY house and when i asked my dad who she was he said it was his roommates girlfriend. but was it? even if it was thats not the girls house so she shouldnt be answering the phone.
what are this ladys intentions with my father?
does she have any deep dark secrets that come and haunt us five years down the road?
where does she live?
whats she do for a living?
just everything!! im going insane!!
doesnt my dad realize that even when hes 1000 miles away everything he does directly affects me and my sisters. and right now im going absolutely insane about this "friend". not to mention the fact that it brings up the subject of lauree which is its own pandora's box. i know i need to tell my dad how i feel but i think im gonna wait until im actually down in ky and talk to him face to face.
and just to give you an idea of what im dealing with.... when i asked katie where dad met misty, katie told me she thinks he met her in a bar. a bar!?!? wow thats quite the catch.... another alcoholic/ drug addict on our hands. just what we need.
and part of me knows that nobody will ever compare to lauree. and that makes me even more sad and depressed that shes not in my life anymore and about everything that happened.
and right now my roommate is sucking her thumb and it makes a really annoying, gross sucking sound and i want to push her out the window. no matter how many times i glare at her and she pulls it out like i cant see it, she always sticks it right back in. not the mention the fact that shes a huge bitch and i hate her.
and brett is a demeaning,asswhole and im getting rid of him asap. like he'll constantly make fun of me and tease me. but the second i tease him he gets all upset. its a two way street buddy. and if i get upset or whatever and try to defend myself he'll tell me to "get rid of the fuckin attitude or else". wtf? your so big and bad your gonna threaten me when i defend myself. the problem is that i have led him on this long. so i have to do this gettiing rid of him slowly. which is hard because there are times when hes really sweet and i like him. but in the long run i know i dont want to be in any kind of relationship with someone like that.
other than that things are hunkey dorey.
if you read all this then... well thanks. i appreciate it.
keep me and my family in your prayers.
and ill send some prayers up for y'all.
so friday night i was texting my sister. she's in kentucky with my other little sister since its there february vacation. i asked her what was going on and what they were doing. and she told me that saturday night my dad was having his "friend" over to dinner so that my sisters could meet her. and when katie texted me this info she also put friend in quotations.
so right away i go into this crazy protective mode....
why is dad having this "friend" over? he hasnt brought any other friends over for dinner.... so obviously this is a special "friend". why hasn't my dad mentioned this "friend" before? is my dad hiding something from me?
so basically i've already completely counted out the idea that my dad could be just friends with this lady.
upon further investigation and numerous texts with katie i learn that my dad's "friend" has three kids who will also come to dinner. i dont want to sound like a selfesh spoiled brat but i dont like the idea of my dad dating someone with kids. why? because that means that those kids get to spend quality time with my dad that i dont get to spend. because it means that theres the possibility that my dad could form bonds and relationships with these kids that i never was able to form because of never seeing him. because it means my dad could make these kids a priority in his life, and ive never really felt like he made me a priority. if i dont get to spend time time with my dad and i'm his own blood related daughter, i dont think its fair that these kids can just walk into his life and get to spend all this time with him.
so i guess my dad spent all day saturday cooking. he roaseted a full chicken, made his homemade stuffing., mashed potatoes, squash and my sister told me that he baked two pies. who makes pies when just a friends is coming over to dinner? and not just one.... two!! her name is misty, which sounds like a stripper name if you ask me. only two of her kids came with her. they ate dinner and watched a movie. i asked katie if they were flirting alot or made googily eyes at each other and she told me that for the most part they seemed like just friends but they had their moments. when i asked her to explain she replied "nothing". and i guess misty fell asleep watching the movie. which tells me that obvs this girl feels comfertable enough around my dad and in my house to let herself relax and fall asleep. which means shes been around for awhile. which leads me to the question of why my dad has never mentioned her.
i've been very vocal to my dad about what i think about him dating after everything with lauree, and not to mention his other girlfriends. im not just gonna form a relationship and become best friends with some woman my dad brings home. ive been hurt too many times. and with lauree my heart was broken. and im still trying to pick up those pieces. (excuse the corny cliche). im going to be protective of myself. i have to be. i dont ever want to be as unhappy as i was when i watched lauree go. im just not going to be buddy buddy with this lady.... and thats how i always reacted in the past.
and this "friend" and the fact that my dad has introduced her to my sisters has brought up everything with lauree again in my mind. not that it wasnt there before, theres not a day that goes by that i dont think about her and i always have dreams about her. but this situation is causing me to face the bad times with lauree. the pain, and the hurt, and the heartbrake. i dont think that i could make it through something like that again with all my sanity. i cant even explain to you how tramatic it was. and i know your probably thinking that it happened two years ago and i need to let go and forget about it. but then again you havent expereinced anything remotely like that have you?
so the worst part about this situation is that my dad didnt even have the balls to tell me about his "friend". i had to hear it from my sister. i asked katie if i was going to meet misty when i go to visit for spring break, and she asked my dad, and apparently it wasnt origianlly planned that i meet her, probably because my dads afraid ill be a bitch, which i will be, but now i am going to meet her. i just have so many questions.
was that meeting the first time my dad met her kids? and if it wasnt, i talk to my dad a couple times a week, and when i ask him what he did and he always says just working. so obvs hes been hiding the fact that he met someone or spent time with someone. which pisses me off. because he makes it come across that hes all depressed all the time and im sure hes sad and stuff but if hes out doing stuff then that means i dont have to worry sick about him sitting at home drinking himself to death. like wtf? and then it makes me question everything. like the time a woman answered the phone when i called MY house and when i asked my dad who she was he said it was his roommates girlfriend. but was it? even if it was thats not the girls house so she shouldnt be answering the phone.
what are this ladys intentions with my father?
does she have any deep dark secrets that come and haunt us five years down the road?
where does she live?
whats she do for a living?
just everything!! im going insane!!
doesnt my dad realize that even when hes 1000 miles away everything he does directly affects me and my sisters. and right now im going absolutely insane about this "friend". not to mention the fact that it brings up the subject of lauree which is its own pandora's box. i know i need to tell my dad how i feel but i think im gonna wait until im actually down in ky and talk to him face to face.
and just to give you an idea of what im dealing with.... when i asked katie where dad met misty, katie told me she thinks he met her in a bar. a bar!?!? wow thats quite the catch.... another alcoholic/ drug addict on our hands. just what we need.
and part of me knows that nobody will ever compare to lauree. and that makes me even more sad and depressed that shes not in my life anymore and about everything that happened.
and right now my roommate is sucking her thumb and it makes a really annoying, gross sucking sound and i want to push her out the window. no matter how many times i glare at her and she pulls it out like i cant see it, she always sticks it right back in. not the mention the fact that shes a huge bitch and i hate her.
and brett is a demeaning,asswhole and im getting rid of him asap. like he'll constantly make fun of me and tease me. but the second i tease him he gets all upset. its a two way street buddy. and if i get upset or whatever and try to defend myself he'll tell me to "get rid of the fuckin attitude or else". wtf? your so big and bad your gonna threaten me when i defend myself. the problem is that i have led him on this long. so i have to do this gettiing rid of him slowly. which is hard because there are times when hes really sweet and i like him. but in the long run i know i dont want to be in any kind of relationship with someone like that.
other than that things are hunkey dorey.
if you read all this then... well thanks. i appreciate it.
keep me and my family in your prayers.
and ill send some prayers up for y'all.