Flake
2 August
I know why I liked that J2 guy for so long. Other than being completely gorgeous (to me anyway), he also resembles someone to whom I was close to in childhood.
A lingering emotional attachment, which I had convieniently transferred to this unwitting and unwilling fellow.
Because subconsiously, and I really didn't want to admit this....I miss my old buddy.
Times are never gonna be the same again now we're all grown up.
Hence the irrational crush, which lasted 18 months. I don't get infatuated or fall in love easily, but once I'm hit... I'm in trouble.
Even though I was and am pretty damn sure he didn't give a shit. Dude sure got a nice ego boost outta it tho.
Bit of a bastard, yes...
There are moments in my life when I get premonitions. It happened again a couple of times this week. When I get deja vu, it usually means that I'm at crossroads. A moment in which I know that life has been arranged to freeze at just that point...if I reach it. And whatever action I make at that point is essential in steering the next course in life.
Insofar, my experience relates climatic points in my internal, emotional life. I learn something, mature in the sucessive days.
That usually means a death of sorts. And rebirth.
When life flings shit at you, I say wipe yourself off, and fling that crap right back at it.
I always get a comforting, assuring feeling when experiencing deja vu, like I'll be ok no matter what. Usually the outcomes are bitter lessons, making me stronger.
In different events, many different ways, I had to learn to love, and let go.
I don't think I can count the number of times I've died.