Deny deny deny.
"Be happy in the moment, that's enough. Each moment is all we need, not more."
If there's one sentence to describe my philosophy in life, it would be this. To live in each moment. Cherish it, because you never know what might happen next.
A farewell gathering with Calista, Jie Min and Colby reminded me of the past, the fearless and feisty meow jie. Once, me and Kok Keng fooled Cal on her birthday by pretending we were a couple haha..and we even held hands then. haha, i almost forgotten about it until Cal brought it up...brings back many fond memories. Those were the days huh?
Fast forward to the present, I am just a shadow of my old self. Cynical and skeptical with a very dry sense of humor, so dry people mistook seriously. Impassionate to the point of being devoid of all feelings. I used to care so much about everything. Now, there's nothing definitive in my life. I don't put a meaning to things nor people, or any event that has happened to me. Things happen, happen. Don't dwell on it. Accept it and move on.
I have resigned to the fact a long time ago that the old Mellisa is dead. I have changed. My perspectives and expectations, my idealistic approach to life of how everything would be beautiful and hopeful as long as we don't give up trying, all those zestful vibes of boundless energy, courage and fiery passion that used to burn in me is long gone.
Growing UP. Sucks.
Ironic, it seems that I indeed achieved what I set out to accomplish this year - a don't give a shit attitude to life, and personally, I love to say, "I don't give a shit, and sometimes, it feels like the best feeling in the universe. But the great shame of it is adults can't move through the world saying "I don't give a shit." It just doesn't work that way. I have way too many world problems (career, money, relationships) that will require some serious shit-giving if i want to fix them. We all have to give a shit sometimes. The problem, is that once you made it an attitude, how can we reverse the change?
Be careful what you wished for,
because you just might get it,
and when you get it,
it might not turn out the way you think.
I spent half my time living in denial, convincing myself that everything is gonna be alright, deny that I am scared shitless, deny the truth that everything is not gonna be alright the next day, deny that we are in denial. We only see what we want to see, and believe what we want to believe, and it works. We lie to ourselves so much that after awhile the lies start to seem like the truth.
Sooner or later, we have to put aside our denial and face the world. Except it's a freaking big ocean out there. Problems and responsibilities arise, things won't usually go our way and once in a while, we fucked up. We just got to drag ourselves out of this shit hole, guns blazing and rise up to the occasion. The results might surprise us.
I'm just a manifestation of negative thoughts, sigh. Being an adult stinks. Responsibilities stink. And the worst part, they just keep piling up.
If there's one sentence to describe my philosophy in life, it would be this. To live in each moment. Cherish it, because you never know what might happen next.
A farewell gathering with Calista, Jie Min and Colby reminded me of the past, the fearless and feisty meow jie. Once, me and Kok Keng fooled Cal on her birthday by pretending we were a couple haha..and we even held hands then. haha, i almost forgotten about it until Cal brought it up...brings back many fond memories. Those were the days huh?
Fast forward to the present, I am just a shadow of my old self. Cynical and skeptical with a very dry sense of humor, so dry people mistook seriously. Impassionate to the point of being devoid of all feelings. I used to care so much about everything. Now, there's nothing definitive in my life. I don't put a meaning to things nor people, or any event that has happened to me. Things happen, happen. Don't dwell on it. Accept it and move on.
I have resigned to the fact a long time ago that the old Mellisa is dead. I have changed. My perspectives and expectations, my idealistic approach to life of how everything would be beautiful and hopeful as long as we don't give up trying, all those zestful vibes of boundless energy, courage and fiery passion that used to burn in me is long gone.
Growing UP. Sucks.
Ironic, it seems that I indeed achieved what I set out to accomplish this year - a don't give a shit attitude to life, and personally, I love to say, "I don't give a shit, and sometimes, it feels like the best feeling in the universe. But the great shame of it is adults can't move through the world saying "I don't give a shit." It just doesn't work that way. I have way too many world problems (career, money, relationships) that will require some serious shit-giving if i want to fix them. We all have to give a shit sometimes. The problem, is that once you made it an attitude, how can we reverse the change?
Be careful what you wished for,
because you just might get it,
and when you get it,
it might not turn out the way you think.
I spent half my time living in denial, convincing myself that everything is gonna be alright, deny that I am scared shitless, deny the truth that everything is not gonna be alright the next day, deny that we are in denial. We only see what we want to see, and believe what we want to believe, and it works. We lie to ourselves so much that after awhile the lies start to seem like the truth.
Sooner or later, we have to put aside our denial and face the world. Except it's a freaking big ocean out there. Problems and responsibilities arise, things won't usually go our way and once in a while, we fucked up. We just got to drag ourselves out of this shit hole, guns blazing and rise up to the occasion. The results might surprise us.
I'm just a manifestation of negative thoughts, sigh. Being an adult stinks. Responsibilities stink. And the worst part, they just keep piling up.