So, uh, hi.
Things have been slightly hectic, and I have no desire to go into any big details. It culminated in my losing Berky to surgical complications and being overcome with the urge to call an old friend.
Meh. I have mixed feelings on the whole affair. On the one hand,I know. I *know* she is a little bit of a whackjob, and things would be best left alone. But on the other hand, I worry about her. She chewed up my self-esteem. She's toxic. But I did go through a lot of stuff with her, and it feels wrong just abandoning her. The whole thing blew up in December, and I hadn't talked to her between then and last night. Oh well.
She's still vitriolic and piss'n'vinegar, but at least I have the peace of mind knowing that we don't hate each other. I can't say I don't regret what I said. I don't. She has a serious critical nature that drives me crazy. But on the other hand, she has so many other things going for her, and I do have a genuine affection for her still. I have no intention of "crawling back" to her, or whatever. I just wanted to clear things up as much as was appropriate.
Can you tell I'm a bit divided? We were so close. So. freaking. close. And I don't think she realized how much her ass-ness was chewing me up, and, like the spineless blob I am, I just let it come to a boiling fountain of rage and doominess. It's like tearing off an appendage, really. I don't know. I don't want to get hurt again.
She seems to have some misconceptions about *why* we got in that fight, but honestly, I don't want to open that sore back up. I didn't apologize, because I really do not have any regrets (although it would have been better for me to be less, uh, acidic.) She provoked me to that point. C'est la vie.
But at any rate, the bottom line is, we're speaking again, the whole affair was more complicated than it needed to be, I need to grow a spine, blah blah blah. I do have that genuine affection for her, and I do worry about her. So I guess it's good that we aren't estranged. I just don't want to be particularly buddy-buddy with her because she was such a negative influence, and that's going to be a huge temptation.
Meh. I have mixed feelings on the whole affair. On the one hand,I know. I *know* she is a little bit of a whackjob, and things would be best left alone. But on the other hand, I worry about her. She chewed up my self-esteem. She's toxic. But I did go through a lot of stuff with her, and it feels wrong just abandoning her. The whole thing blew up in December, and I hadn't talked to her between then and last night. Oh well.
She's still vitriolic and piss'n'vinegar, but at least I have the peace of mind knowing that we don't hate each other. I can't say I don't regret what I said. I don't. She has a serious critical nature that drives me crazy. But on the other hand, she has so many other things going for her, and I do have a genuine affection for her still. I have no intention of "crawling back" to her, or whatever. I just wanted to clear things up as much as was appropriate.
Can you tell I'm a bit divided? We were so close. So. freaking. close. And I don't think she realized how much her ass-ness was chewing me up, and, like the spineless blob I am, I just let it come to a boiling fountain of rage and doominess. It's like tearing off an appendage, really. I don't know. I don't want to get hurt again.
She seems to have some misconceptions about *why* we got in that fight, but honestly, I don't want to open that sore back up. I didn't apologize, because I really do not have any regrets (although it would have been better for me to be less, uh, acidic.) She provoked me to that point. C'est la vie.
But at any rate, the bottom line is, we're speaking again, the whole affair was more complicated than it needed to be, I need to grow a spine, blah blah blah. I do have that genuine affection for her, and I do worry about her. So I guess it's good that we aren't estranged. I just don't want to be particularly buddy-buddy with her because she was such a negative influence, and that's going to be a huge temptation.