So, um. Hey, guys.
Six months of radio silence seems like enough, right?
So yeah. That thing where I disappeared and did not post or answer any comments or PM's for a while. That was a thing that happened. Sorry about that.
First! The good:
I am alive, in reasonably good healthy, more employed than I was last time I was here (if still way too under-employed to move out of my parents' house while also being too old to still use their health insurance, yaaaay me), and have not had any serious mental health breakdowns/suicide scares/etc etc. All of this is good. I've had a few worried messages, and I promise, I am okay, and it meant a lot that you cared, and I'm sorry.
Also good: I'm writing again. I stopped, completely, for a while there. I spent the summer basking in the comforting embrace of dead fandoms I loved back in college when the world made sense, but I have an active fandom again now. Yes, it is Teen Wolf, but have you looked at the internet lately? It's always Teen Wolf. There are no other fandoms left, except possibly Homestuck, given how much people seem to hate it. (I am only kind of kidding.)
I have a tumblr! It's all full of dribs and story drabbles, barely-tidied chatfic, and the very occasional actual fic-type thing. Right now, I'm running a bunch of interconnected Hunger Games AU snippets and a series of bits about a multifandom apocalypse. Sometimes there are dinosaurs. Sometimes there's even Glee. Go ahead and come check it out, if you want.
The not-so-good: Glee fandom! Ah, Glee fandom. (And we all know that by 'Glee fandom' what I really mean is 'Blarry' and 'Dragons'. And the story I never finished where Blaine is Hades and Kurt is Persephone. And all the cleaned-up chatfic where the ND kids are criminals in various outrageous AU settings. And all the other ideas I ever had, but mostly: Blarry and Dragons.)
I can't, guys. I just can't. I've got 90% of the next chapter of Dragons written, and a big chunk of the third Blarry story, and they've been sitting there, at that level of doneness, for months. And I hate the idea of just declaring that I'm Giving Up. They're good, living stories that deserve to be told, I just can't. Particularly Dragons, which, for all I love it, puts me in one of the harshest, most toxic headspaces I've ever had to get into, to make a story work. My sworn goal, when I started Dragons, was to take an angsty kinkmeme prompt and make it right and real, and apparently I do not have it in me to do an honest story about the aftermath and recovery of years of abuse. I tried, guys. I love that world, I love that Blaine, but I cannot put myself back in his head. It was a big part of the reason why I stopped being able to deal with Glee fandom in general (and all the attendant bullshit that goes along with it).
I'm not saying 'never' on Blarry. I've been watching this season, I still love this show, and there's a lot I've wanted to do in the next Blarry for a while. But I'm not promising anything.
I miss you guys. Some of you, I've talked to over on tumblr; most of you, I just get your occasional comments and wince, because it's become one of those big accumulating balls of stress and pressure: if I say anything to this person, then I have to stop being invisible and talk to everybody. And everybody has been so nice. Even when I started totally failing at meeting my stated deadlines and flaking out all over, nobody ever tried to pressure me (which didn't stop me pressuring myself...), and everybody was always so nice. Thank you. Always thank you.
I'm probably going to keep mostly to tumblr for the forseeable future, but hit me up over there all you want. I'm trying to corner the market on ridiculous one-shot shorts and weird AU chatfics, rather than start anything epic and long. (I am always open for prompts.)
I'd love for you to stop on by.
So yeah. That thing where I disappeared and did not post or answer any comments or PM's for a while. That was a thing that happened. Sorry about that.
First! The good:
I am alive, in reasonably good healthy, more employed than I was last time I was here (if still way too under-employed to move out of my parents' house while also being too old to still use their health insurance, yaaaay me), and have not had any serious mental health breakdowns/suicide scares/etc etc. All of this is good. I've had a few worried messages, and I promise, I am okay, and it meant a lot that you cared, and I'm sorry.
Also good: I'm writing again. I stopped, completely, for a while there. I spent the summer basking in the comforting embrace of dead fandoms I loved back in college when the world made sense, but I have an active fandom again now. Yes, it is Teen Wolf, but have you looked at the internet lately? It's always Teen Wolf. There are no other fandoms left, except possibly Homestuck, given how much people seem to hate it. (I am only kind of kidding.)
I have a tumblr! It's all full of dribs and story drabbles, barely-tidied chatfic, and the very occasional actual fic-type thing. Right now, I'm running a bunch of interconnected Hunger Games AU snippets and a series of bits about a multifandom apocalypse. Sometimes there are dinosaurs. Sometimes there's even Glee. Go ahead and come check it out, if you want.
The not-so-good: Glee fandom! Ah, Glee fandom. (And we all know that by 'Glee fandom' what I really mean is 'Blarry' and 'Dragons'. And the story I never finished where Blaine is Hades and Kurt is Persephone. And all the cleaned-up chatfic where the ND kids are criminals in various outrageous AU settings. And all the other ideas I ever had, but mostly: Blarry and Dragons.)
I can't, guys. I just can't. I've got 90% of the next chapter of Dragons written, and a big chunk of the third Blarry story, and they've been sitting there, at that level of doneness, for months. And I hate the idea of just declaring that I'm Giving Up. They're good, living stories that deserve to be told, I just can't. Particularly Dragons, which, for all I love it, puts me in one of the harshest, most toxic headspaces I've ever had to get into, to make a story work. My sworn goal, when I started Dragons, was to take an angsty kinkmeme prompt and make it right and real, and apparently I do not have it in me to do an honest story about the aftermath and recovery of years of abuse. I tried, guys. I love that world, I love that Blaine, but I cannot put myself back in his head. It was a big part of the reason why I stopped being able to deal with Glee fandom in general (and all the attendant bullshit that goes along with it).
I'm not saying 'never' on Blarry. I've been watching this season, I still love this show, and there's a lot I've wanted to do in the next Blarry for a while. But I'm not promising anything.
I miss you guys. Some of you, I've talked to over on tumblr; most of you, I just get your occasional comments and wince, because it's become one of those big accumulating balls of stress and pressure: if I say anything to this person, then I have to stop being invisible and talk to everybody. And everybody has been so nice. Even when I started totally failing at meeting my stated deadlines and flaking out all over, nobody ever tried to pressure me (which didn't stop me pressuring myself...), and everybody was always so nice. Thank you. Always thank you.
I'm probably going to keep mostly to tumblr for the forseeable future, but hit me up over there all you want. I'm trying to corner the market on ridiculous one-shot shorts and weird AU chatfics, rather than start anything epic and long. (I am always open for prompts.)
I'd love for you to stop on by.