season's change
Its amazing how the span of one week can change your whole out look on how you view things. prior to this mission trip I felt like everyday was the same. I had fallen in a rut of thinking about things I didn't want to let go of for fear of a future without those things and or people. Sunday before the trip God screamed in my ear. "The heart desires what the heart desires" He said. "Let me be what you desire and I'll take care of the rest" I listened dumbfounded to my creator telling me the same things he had been repeating to me ever since I had asked him what was next on May 21st. He told me he wouldn't cut my future off. that there is still hope. The things that I wanted and desired for fell away like scales on eyes. All I wanted, all I desired was Him. In that instant it became so simple. I was to chase after him and nothing was to be put in the way. Not video games, music, my social life, or even Brittany. I left on Monday morning with a focused mind. I finally could set aside my feelings and focus on a task greater than myself. Not once during the entire week did I agonize over whether or not Brittany had found somebody else or what she was doing. Not once did I miss my iPhone or the internet. Instead it was like my ears had been cleaned out. He called me to chase after Him. That was all I could hear during those 4 days. It was repeated in jokes, in idle conversations I managed to listen to, and in the work that we did for Him. All he said over and over was to trust him. with everything. On Thursday it didn't hit me that I was coming back to all my old problems until I was driving by the road to go back to Brittany's apartment. I thought for an instant "Maybe I should swing by" but in that same instant I realized I didn't want that controlling me anymore. And that was that. I know that I'll eventually run into her again probably sooner than later and more importantly I know I'll have other problems. The difference today that did not exist on Saturday of last week is that I have found trust in God. I don't think that things will get easier from here. They will probably get worse. I have already had to change a tire and stop an oil leak in my car as soon as we got back. I still have an unpaid ticket and I have no insurance for my car. I probably won't be returning to school this semester and I'm not sure if I'll have the money to go down to Baton rouge and Tennessee to see the people I want to see. But despite this he whispers to me to trust in Him. So I will.