shit
why the fuck do i let myself get this way? well i guess thats obvious i only get like this when i go out with people and im not just going to sit around at home laone because ill get just as depressed just about different shit. It seems that im stuck in this constant spiral of depression. I thought i had gained control of it but obviously not. And tonight those stupid cops didnt help, but at least no ticket which sadly enough was the highlight of my night. I just hope that when school is over that my stress levels will go down and i can regain some semblance of sanity and/or normality. And what the fuck is with my ex's parents always being at my work acting all buddy-buddy? And why the fuck am i destined to live this lonely existence? Yes i know i have friends, many of them, but its not the same type of caring and love that i crave/need in life. All of you (assuming someone will actually read this) have done so much for me since ive known you but it just doesnt seem to be enough and i feel so lost right now. The tears won't come but i know that ill feel like crying for the next few days and i hate feeling that way and not being able to do anything about it and not being able to go to anyone to really talk about everything thats wrong and fucked up in my life. And so off i go to bed to sink further into my life of lonely solitude that will hopefully bring numbness instead of this pain i feel when im around people.