well...
i just moved in with my aunt/cousins...better than being homeless, and better than staying with my mother or sister...i will only have to pay 100 bucks a month in rent, and i will be closer to my new community...that is if we choose to accept each other and have people cut out the back-biting bullshit and actually come together. i dont have much else to say as this is a very transitional time and there are a lot of personal things that are deep within me that need an outlet. i am alone...even when surrounded by friends i am still alone. perpetually. there is no intimacy anywhere...i reached the other side and got "doo boo deeet...sorry this line has been disconnected. please check the number and dial again." its just going to be a process of clearing out all the old shit and trying to move forward with what i can glean from my past...if i could find a way to get a clean slate i would be much happy. i dont know what it is i need, or what it is i want (besides a woman). i am just tired of feeling like a waste. i need something i can feel. someone to be close to. i dont want to latch on to someone as that doesnt sound healthy or even fun. i like a lot of elbow room...for FUCKING sure, but i need to be able to share things that you cant just go out and share with your average every day stranger...and i dont really have anyone in my life that i am connected to on any level...i have some guy friends who really love me and care...but still they are men. they dont nec want to hear all that and they cant really know where im coming from because they just dont see that part of me. often caught up in their own world. i have no clear line of communication, thus i am just withering and dying. fucking bored tired and i ache....i just ache. i dont want someone or something to make me all better...i just want something...hope, i believe. love. compassion. physical touch. fuck! any one of the above. the list goes on.