Yeah, Life kinda Sucks...
I find myself sinking into depression again, and I’m aware that the man who caused these horrific sensation may read this. I once linked him to my livejournal.
What I’m also aware of is the fact that he will enjoy knowing how much he’s hurt me. My family never figured him for that kind of man, but apparently people don’t show their true colours until you’ve broken up with them.
I was in a relationship, and for a long time - a very long time - it was wonderful. We made a good couple. I brought him to Weightwatchers and showed him that he had so much potential inside him. We had fun together, and it was a lovely time to be together.
But on my part, the spark died. I don’t know why it did. I just knew that I didn’t feel the same way about him that I did before. It wasn’t his fault in the slightest, but I couldn’t change the way I felt, no matter how hard I tried.
So we separated, and I left to go to Orlando for three weeks.
Stupidly, when I came back, we went to my friend’s wedding together. We’d already planned to go, and he’d spent so much money on a suit that it would have been silly to waste it, so we went to the wedding and (I thought) had a great time.
I won’t go into detail what happened that night, suffice to say I was very drunk and very upset and it completely ruined my self-confidence for a long time.
We didn’t speak after that, but inevitably I began to miss his company. He was a good laugh, and we did a lot of social things together that I missed. So selfishly, I said we would give it another go as long as we took things super slow and started from the beginning.
Apparently only one of us could do that.
So now I’m left in a rut, because he’s very vindictive. No matter how much I’ve done for him, he has no respect for me anymore. Not even a glimmer of civility.
Does it matter to him that I had to agree to work extra long hours just to get him into QI in May? Apparantly not.
What’s worse, and perhaps what hurts me most, is the fact that he has no respect for my family. This is the family who accepted him in, treated him nicely despite what he did after the wedding, and let him get close again.
Oh yeah, and he bought ‘tickets’ to the Taken 2 premiere and is waving them in my face because he knows how much I wanted to go. He knows how much it will hurt me that he has them, and you know what? He’s right. It did hurt me, and I just hope that he feels like a big man now that he knows I’m hurt.
It takes a special sort of someone to make a girl cry like that and enjoy it.
Hell, my mum even offered to buy the tickets from him - but he’ll never sell them. He’ll never sell them just because he knows I want them very much. Again, never took him to be that kind of guy. Perhaps I dodged a bullet...
So it’s very likely that I’ll have to go to the doctors after this. I know just from experience that this feeling of sinking will lead to another attempt on my life, and I need to stop it before it gets to that stage.